Hi everyone. Does anyone have any experience with OCD rituals ruining their relationships? My boyfriend does not have any patience for me anymore and I am having a hard time with this
Hi there, I understand you completely. My husband doesn't have any patience with me either. He instead treats me like a joke about this, he answers to me everything related to my OCD since I need to ask if I did this right? If I won't get any disease because I touched this or that? He answers in such a way... like he's so tried and sick about me. My OCD has definitely damaged my marriage more than it already was. But I have advised him to be more patient, kind, understanding, empathetic, tolerant and to have kindness because the harsh words and irony he uses just increases my anxiety and makes me also angry with him... but he hasn't shown to change or threat me better. I would recommend you to try to dialogue with your boyfriend, perhaps he might understand you and be more kind and give you the support and strength you need. If he doesn't help you, then consider that person might not be the best for you. In my case we have a baby together, so to divorce it's not as easy as to say it. But I'm considering that too. All the best for you!
I'm sorry. Have you considered marriage counseling?
@Anonymous Yes I have, I have talked about that with him, he has said: "well, maybe, we can try", "yes we do it ", but still he doesn't really want to start. I'm taking psychotherapy, but it's going too slow and to get in touch with my psychologist between sessions (when I get the most problems) uts nearly impossible.
@XPaulina I'm sorry. Has he even read or tried learning anything about OCD?
@XPaulina And I'm sorry about feeling like it is going slow. I feel like my therapy is going slow as well... And having communication problems with such a thing is terrible... Is it possible for you to increase the frequency of your sessions/have sooner sessions? Either way, it does take time as well with therapy, even if you are going weekly. It's something that can't be rushed, you know? So try to take your time, and remember to breathe in the moment.
@XPaulina I am sorry. I can relate to what you are going through. He often is only concerned about the fact that his life has changed (which I understand) vs. how hard it is having OCD and then not having your significant other be there for you through it. It can feel very lonely and upsetting especially because we have been together almost 6 years. I hope your husband will get serious about counseling.
@Anonymous Thank you so much🩷🫂🫶 the kindness I can get over here is a true medicine for my mind and heart. I have increased to twice per week. But as I have stopped therapy at least 2 times my therapist it's a bit auoset about it and stopped caring so much about me. It feels unfair. I understand his position but in the other hand he knows very good my struggle and I'm also paying for his work, so I think he should be more understanding also. All the best for you!
@sigirt3 Thank you so much, for your kindness and understanding. Then your relationship and my marriage have the same length. I understand how hard it must feel for you too, after being in a long term relationship. I agree with you that's exactly how I feel. If my marriage was good as it was before I would have all the strength to fight this away. Thank you for your lovely wishes, I hope your boyfriend will find the patience and understanding necessary to support you and help you out from this.
@sigirt3 You could also consider relationship counseling if you feel that it is fit.
@sigirt3 I also feel in ways like I'm going about this all alone.
@Anonymous Well he "has" but it seems it doesn't really gets trough him. I even have written some serious letters to him, asking him to be understanding, explaining how I feel, explaining what this OCD stuff is like, asking for his support, but no. Nothing seems to work 😔🥺😭😣😓
@XPaulina I'm sorry. It's really hard for anyone to understand; it's a complicated subject. My family tries to understand but they don't get a full grasp on it. Even people who do have OCD don't understand each other's different obsessions and feelings, and they are also able to get upset and bothered by their peers' compulsions
@Anonymous It's absolutely true, I agree with you. It seems it's a whole universe even between the ones that we share the same type of OCD, for instance, I don't think anyone else is having worse compulsions than me, specially when it comes how often I wash my hands just in 1 hour. It's totally insane, I do feel like a freak now and then 😓😭😣 plus my hands look awful and completely destroyed. It's the same here neither my family or husband understands, even if all of them are well educated people it seems it has nothing to do with that either.
@XPaulina It may not feel like anyone has compulsions as bad as you, but some people have it pretty bad -- I wouldn't over-estimate your OCD, or think you to be worse off than others. Maybe you're having a more difficult time than some, but there are others I'm sure who understand the severity you are going through. I felt like I have it pretty bad, and mine is only qualified as moderate OCD!
@Anonymous Thank you so much for such wise and kind words, I appreciate them a lot, it's true, some days feels so heavy I feel so lonely in this battle. And then I feel so miserable to even wast time doing my rituals (like washing hands extremely often) and I feel I'm not being a good mom for my toddler. That makes me feel very defeated, I feel like I'm not a good mom, my husband is so fed up of me all the time therefore I feel like a failure as a woman and wife, then my family puts blames so easily on me then I feel like a bad daughter and sister. Here where I live I don't have any more family than my toddler and my husband, no friends or anything, I have become such a loner. I wasn't used to that when I lived in my country, I had a job, I had people to rely on, relatives close to me, but since I'm here I'm so alone. All of that has hurt me so much over this 6 years, I feel that's a bug reason for me to have OCD. I Hope I could get to now the severity of mine too, I guess I will rate quite high, it scares me a lot.
@XPaulina I would try not to worry about severity. Whatever the severity, the goal is to get better. Whether I had mild, moderate, or severe OCD, the thing that really matters is treatment. I didn't ask my therapist my severity, they just commented to me that that was my severity. I think therapists know that severity isn't the main issue too, and I never hear anybody having to find out their severity -- knowing you have the illness is the most important thing there Try to be gracious with yourself. Love your daughter, and do things out of that love. If you love your daughter, trust me, that is more valuable than you know. And I would say to love everyone in your life, which isn't an easy thing to do when people don't seem to be kind to you. I'm sorry you feel so bad. :( I don't feel like I have friends either. 🤷♂️
@Anonymous Dear Anonymous, I'm so grateful for this kind gesture of big support and hope 🙏🏼 🩷. You're right, here the point it's not how severe is, the only thing that matters it's the fact I have it. I think to know the severity will probably male me feel worse and more weird, among other nasty feelings. I WILL absolutely follow your wonderful suggestions about trying to be gracious with myself. And to love my daughter and my other family members, I have indeed been angry and upset they don't understand me as I would like. It's true LOVE does miracles. Well here you can have a friend whenever you need me 🩷🙏🏼 thank you SO MUCH, blessings and all the best for you!
@XPaulina Thank you, and you too :)
I can relate so much. It's hard not feeling you gave the support from your partner. I havectried different things to educate my husband, showing him websites, good info in social media. I bought the book "When a family member has OCD." But still I experience that he doesn't get it to the level I was hoping for. I have come to the conclusion that I have to accept him this way, I have to set boundaries and search for the support I need, I also try to let it be an opportunity to fight the "demons." Kimberly Quinlan means so much to me, her talk about the importance of self compassion and self care, willingness, acceptance...I highly recommend her podcast "Your anxiety toolkit." When I take responsibility for my own needs it's easier for me to accept my husbands lack of support.
What a beautiful response 🥰 I will take the advices for me too, hoping to be able to overcome this and find my way out of all of this even if I can't get the support I need from him. I can truly say to be part of this community here, gives me so much hope and understanding I haven't been a ke to find out there. Thank you so much for sharing. All the best to everyone here.
@XPaulina Thank you. We are in this together❤️
You're welcome, thank you too! That's correct we are together in this! 🩷😊
I appreciate you all for your input
Well, I really annoy people everywhere I go.
@XPaulina I mean I annoy people by talking too much about my problems. It's probably some sort of compulsion anyway. But I'm so depressed about it, and there are parts that are objectively true about it, but it's still annoying to hear "I'm depressed, God loves others more than me" all the time. I annoy people everywhere with it: on this app, my family, Christian chat services, probably even the 988 crisis line by this point. It feels hard to not talk about my problems, but it's probably harder to hear about my problems.
@Anonymous Hi dear, I'm truly sorry it has been this hard for you. Believe me I understand you 💯%, it's the struggle I have everyday, my husband asks me why can't you stop thinking/talking about your fears, the same with my mom over videocalls, she asks me, why do you waste so much time researching about diseases and focusing so much in being depressed, go out and live, don't waste your life, that's how they see it. I don't say I don't agree with them, but from my point of view or my expensive this hell, it's not that easy. Sadly there's no culture or acceptance, respec, tolerance, empathy and kindness towards people like us who suffers alot from depression, anxiety, OCD, phobias and more. Also the lack of common sense in some people makes them act harsh or careless. I understand you, I know how you feel, you are not alone in this, even when it feels you're like trapped inside a bottle, being able to see the world outside your window trough that glass abd no one can hear you clearly. We are more than you think. And to be here right now and share how you feel it's a very important first steps to understand and overcome. Try to get surrounded by understanding people, if not possible, don't force it, be kid with yourself, get a pet, do things for you. Be kind with yourself 🩷🫂
@Anonymous Is it possible to start seeing one of the OCD therapists here to see if this a compulsion you can work through? I am sorry you are feeling this way. I second @xpaulina in getting a pet if you don’t have one. My little dog cheers me up whenever I am feeling down
@sigirt3 It's true, pets are extraordinary and always happy to have you around specially dogs it's true. Very recommended if you have the possibility and think you can keep it with you as a lifetime friend 😊
@sigirt3 I am seeing a therapist. He said he doesn't think that it is a compulsion inherently, but something's wrong with why I feel worse when I do it and why I do it so much; and besides, either way it is annoying and distressing to those I talk to
@XPaulina Yes I have several pets. I love animals
@Anonymous I wonder if there is another outlet you can use so that way you could still be able to talk about your feelings, but not feel as if you are being “annoying”? Do you think a journal may help?
@sigirt3 I have tried that. But I run into the same problem: confide in someone (or something, in the case of the journal), the get depressed again later. It doesn't ever seem to help
@Anonymous Lucky you!!!! I wish I could have many too, but my husband's literally hates my dog 😔😔
@XPaulina At least you have your dog. That's something to be glad about! I'm sorry to hear he doesn't like your dog though
@Anonymous Thank you so much Dear Anonymous, yes my dog has really been for me in all theses years of suffering from one and many other things. Of course he has also become a nervous dog, he for instance, barks a lot for every small noise, and still now and then pees or poops here inside home, it's not nice, but I accept him like that.
Treat me better*
Just wondering if anyone else’s spiritual OCD seems to also effect your relationship with God and push you farther away from God when you really would rather be closer?
hi. so one big factor of my OCD is rumination. i met a guy who i have a crush on the idea of (idea bc there are red flags). my biggest fear is not finding true love, my ex told me no one else would deal with what i have (my ocd, specifically reassurance seeking and getting overstimulated after intimacy). a few weeks ago, my friends and family all gathered and tried to give me advice that sounded like “you’re shy and you’ll never find someone.” after that, i’ve felt off. i’ve been using an unhealthy coping skill, daydreaming, and i’ve just felt unbalanced. my ocd makes everything feel different sometimes, i can’t explain it. life, myself, almost like being in a dissociated state. has anyone else experienced that? i don’t know how to remain balanced during my off times and i know pms exasperates it all. i take ashwaghanda and omega 3s in a multi vitamin daily. i take them all together in the evening but i’ve missed three days recently and also messed with my rocky sleep schedule because of fun times with friends. i hope these supplements work, because i don’t know if i’d be brave enough for medication. i had a bad reaction on prozac and often am forgetful. i just have been battling my OCD consciously for almost ten years now and unconsciously for longer. i am so tired, as my mental health extends beyond my OCD. i’m in talk therapy with some cbt aspects but i only see her twice a month. i’ve broken down so many times and promised myself id get on track or that certain things would work, but it’s like i am stuck in a circle that gets smaller when i’m able to help myself. i just want to be normal. i want to be able to mess up my sleep schedule to enjoy good times and not suffer horrible consequences or fear that i will be entirely thrown off balance. i don’t want to worry or doubt or feel so dissociative that i squint my eyes for a moment and wonder why i feel so unreal. i will never understand why god has allowed me to go through this. i cannot let it be for nothing but i don’t know how much more to bend and contort my body and brain to get somewhere stable but how lovely it would be if i could. i don’t have much of a schedule right now, i get apathetic and give in with things from time to time. one thing can trigger me and i am back to square one wether in a week or month. any advice, any and all is so helpful. your stories, your thoughts. maybe feeling less alone and knowing what has helped you is exactly what i need right now. thank you 💗
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
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