I’m having a bad day today. I am fearing the worst about my health now. Even with therapy and 4 hours of exposures each day I am not getting better. :(

Getting help is a step in the right direction. I applaud you. Sending hope your way

Thank you so much for your comments across the ocean. I know your struggle all too well. I am battling depression as well and have just broken down crying in my car tonight because I’m just so depressed now. I have tried several therapists and ones who are experts in their field, but I still feel this way. Maybe I wont ever get better. 16 years of this, almost half my life, of it being really controlling my life. I am very sorry you are on a long waiting list for treatment? How long is the wait list? I would recommend looking online for treatment tips while you search for a therapist. Dr. Grayson’s book Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is my favorite. That’s where I learned to listen to exposures over and over. I record them on my phone and play them on a loop throughout the day, usually an hour at a time. I just say “I might have/be/had X (whatever the fear happens to be)”. 4 hours a day every day for 30 days was tough. I also put one headphone in and have my other ear free so I can interact with people but have the audio loop going on in the background. I use Bluetooth headphones so it’s not that strange looking - it’s just like wearing a Bluetooth piece when on the phone.

I am starting to do exposure therapy and I kind of think that becoming more horrified is a strong part of it. The point of it is to expose your worst fears and not doing any compulsions to gain reassurance or relief against it. So it makes perfect sense that you and I would gain more anxiety and grief because we are no longer doing compulsions to ease that anxiety and grief.

Hang in there you have been strong enough to start the therapy and to do 4 exposures a day! Well that is incredibly Strong. You should be so proud of yourself ❤️

I understand what you are saying ?? I really feel for you. I'm not currently having therapy because I'm on such a long waiting list for free therapy through the NHS (I'm in the UK) so I've been searching for a private therapist but I've had no luck. I'm stuck in the worst phase of ocd, depression and anxiety I've ever had in my life it's such a dark and lonely place. I've felt like giving up completely. And also felt like taking myself to a mental hospital because whenever I call for help they always tell me to go the emergency department at the hospital the same place you'd go if you had a physical injury like a broken leg. It makes me feel so frustrated. But the fact you are doing therapy and 4 exposures a day is a real achievement. At least give it a bit more time or maybe find another therapist if you can? I'd also give anything i own to be free of this. I'd give every penny I own to get better which isn't a lot but I would. ?

I'm so sorry to hear that ? but sometimes a good cry is what we need. Let it all out don't keep it in or keep it to yourself. We're all here for you❤️ you absolutely will get better because you've already took the first few steps which are extremely hard but you've done it and are still doing it. I wish recovery happend over night but it doesn't. If I could take this pain and suffering away from everyone on this app I really would. I have also suffered with this for half of my life. Maybe more. I'm 29 now and had harm ocd aslong as I can remember aswell as depression and anxiety. So I completely understand what you are going through I really Do. You aren't alone remember that although it feels like a very lonely place ?❤️ I've been told it's a year waiting list for the NHS therapy and this made me feel worse. I've complained about it keep calling them and telling them how bad things have become they just don't seem to listen their only answer is to take myself to hospital which I really don't want to do but starting to feel that's my last option. I will definitely check out that book thank you? I have read a book overcoming harm ocd by Jon hershfield. And watched lots of self help videos I just don't feel strong enough to do it alone. Just the fact that you are doing these difficult things though means you are making progress no matter how big or small or how long its taking try to be proud of yourself for what you are doing. I'm Proud of you and so is everyone else here. Its amazing.! Please try to stick with all this don't go backwards I'm sure you're gonna get better very soon. ❤️

Thanks so much! Have a great day too!!

Thank you. It had been such a battle the last 8 months. For some reason my OCD just blew up and was compounded by some major health scares. Days like today I just want to stop treatment because I feel it is a waste of time and money. My therapist recently told me there is nothing she can do for me and told me I should go to an inpatient program. I would be willing to give up everything I have - a good job, money, just to get better. I have lived with this crap for too many years.

Wow thank you so much for your words of encouragement, they mean so much. I definitely had a good cry and feel a little better that I got it out. Hopefully tomorrow I can chock this up to a bad day and keep progressive with my recovery. I’m 36 and although I had symptoms of ocd when I was a kid it just got so bad when I was 19 or 20 in college. It hasn’t left since then. I also recommend theocdstories.com podcast. It’s the best ocd podcast out there. Stuart Ralph, who is from the UK, hosts it every week. He’s honestly a saint for the work he has done. There are about 3 years’ of episodes out there covering many different themes. Leading therapists are frequent guests and I believe there have been several episodes covering harm OCD. I think Jon Hershfield has been a guest at one point. I can’t believe the waitlist is a year. I think the podcast is going to (or already has) cover the issue of insurance and waitlists. The key is finding a therapist that is qualified and understands OCD. I have gone through so many therapists that claim they know how to treat OCD but when I see them they don’t have any idea. Luckily my therapist knows how to treat it effectively. I think my case is difficult because although I definitely have several OCD themes, health anxiety obsessions is my main worry and is a little different some would argue (poor insight I suppose being the main difference). My therapist yesterday told me my treatment is complex and more difficult than other themes of OCD, such as harm OCD (which I don’t have). If this makes you feel better, she told me that it is actually pretty easy to treat harm OCD. Obviously, each case is different, but I had never heard a therapist be that optimistic about a type of treatment before. In the US, there is a large shortage of qualified OCD therapists. I have been to support groups recently, which I definitely recommend, and have heard from so many people that private therapists aren’t accepting new patients, or there is a 2-3 month wait list. And, most of these OCD qualified therapists do not accept insurance, making it very expensive. Do you have the option of purchasing private insurance in the UK and looking for a private therapist who would accept private insurance? Maybe that would allow you to find someone quicker without it costing as much as paying everything out of pocket.

You are very welcome I just hope they made you feel better in some way it is good to cry and let things out, alot of us bottle things up which makes it 100times worse. That's a great attitude to have and I admire that. Today is a new day ☺️☀️yes please try to keep progressing with your recovery you've made the first few steps just by seeking help and starting the process. I'm so sorry to hear that. I've also had it from a very young age and there were times it was really bad but this year its the worst its ever been, I've been stuck in this horrible situation for around 3 months now and it feels like hell. Yes thank you for the recommendation, I have listened to a few of them some of them are really good, listened to the one with Jon hershfield too. I'll have to check out the one about waiting times, it's so disheartening feeling like I have to wait so long. That's the trouble with finding a therapist for ocd they're aren't many experienced professionals out there in my experience since I've been searching for one. I'm so glad to hear you have a great therapist I can imagine it makes all the difference. But I'm so glad you've managed to find a good one that's really positive and essential in the road to recovery. Seems like there's a problem all over the world in finding the right treatment for ocd. I'm not sure about private insurance I'd say that is an option but not for me really because I just can't afford it. It would probably be cheaper to just find a private one and pay per session although I'm not sure it's something I could look into. Not sure any private health insurance providers would cover this sort of thing but I'll look into it thanks. Hope you feel better today and have a great day ?