- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Well, we are HOCD buds now hahah
- Date posted
- 6y
Right, like you trick yourself into trying to figure out what makes you happy...to the point where you’re not even enjoying the things that do actually make you happy.
- Date posted
- 6y
I get it. It’s scary. It feels like a real threat to your happiness. It consumes you. I try to focus on what exactly makes me happy. I won’t reassure you. Things may happen. You’ll deal with them as they happen But no one ever made a life change off of “what if I don’t hate it”...you are what makes you happy. Not what you “won’t hate” or “what doesn’t completely repulse me” Once the fear goes away, the new fear of “why isn’t there fear” will creep in and you’ll deal with that as well. Congrats on the kid
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah, I’ve been there before. I’ve gotten to the point where I wasn’t getting the anxiety so I’d try to cause it by making up scenarios to scare myself in order to get a response. I feel like all my recovery has gone to shit now.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hahaha I don’t know you but you are my friend. I do the same stupid stuff. Congrats. You’re an over-thinker/worrier like me lol
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey I’m sorry you’re going through this. I slipped recently and went back into my checking patterns but just ended up in the same place. Same conclusion. Please don’t give up. Bc I haventn
- Date posted
- 6y
Sooo so true. Hocd is scary. It makes you feel like yourself is being removed and replaced with someone your not. At one point you dont know who you are and who you were. Still i hole To believe one day the real happy me returns.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you for this. I’ve been kind of slipping lately but I will always be me, no matter what.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’ve also been slipping really bad. I had a huge trigger lately. We had a lesbian start at my job and it sent me off the deep end. Like all my recovery has gone to shit. It was always one of my fears that a lesbian would start at work and become my friend and have a crush on me and then make a move and what if I don’t hate it and then I end up leaving my husband and family. Now, I’m back to ruminating my whole day and checking and going through my past. And on top of all this I’m pregnant and I know all this stress isn’t good for the baby. Feeling so hopeless and just depressed. I want these thoughts and feelings to just go away so bad.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m too scared to even do the exposures I know I need to do because I’m terrified I will end up doing the rituals during the exposures and I’ll mess myself up even worse. I know I can’t have the certainty but I want it soooo bad right now. I want the reassurance that this is OCD sooo bad.
- Date posted
- 6y
I also wish that I was dealing with any other type of ocd. I know that the fears involved will always be just as bad but i would rather struggle with anything else. Why does it have to be this?!
- Date posted
- 6y
You’re right! I’m trying to be proactive and scheduled a therapy appointment. I really didn’t want to because I know my therapist will make me do ERP that’s going to make me cry my eyes out and feel like I have to barf. But I know that where I am at right now is not healthy for me, my baby, and my family. Does your anxiety ever get so bad you can’t force yourself to even eat??
- Date posted
- 6y
My anxiety just makes me do dozens of reassurance exercises. Really eats up my day. I’m less productive at work. But once I get reassurance I’m bouncing off the walls and can’t stop smiling (at least for a couple hours)
- Date posted
- 6y
I know what you mean. It’s a lot of the same except for the most part my compulsions are mental. If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been struggling with this form of ocd?
- Date posted
- 6y
January 2019 A gay barista approached me at my favorite starbucks and said “I’ve had a crush on you for the longest” I smiled and declined, said I wasn’t gay...but my mind started to race...been downhill ever since... And it also sucks bc my girlfriend used to date women, so it’s a constant trigger when she talks about her past ??♂️
- Date posted
- 6y
Wow! That’s a toughie! I completely get it. I feel triggered even reading that, so I can’t imagine having to go through it! It must be like a giant exposure every time. I’m always worried a woman is going to do something like that to me and that there are other people who know something about myself that I don’t. Like they see the true me, past the “denial”.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah lol it took me a while. I see a therapist and she told me I was being silly and to stop overthinking. It was scary. I’m working thru it
- Date posted
- 6y
Sooo trueee
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Anyone else with HOCD get thoughts of like "people in denial try to distract themselves" or anything along those lines when just trying to move on from the thoughts. Having a pretty bad episode this morning at least anxiety wise.
- Date posted
- 21w
Think logically. Literally. Take me as an example. I have hocd and my obsession is “what if I’m gay”. I’ve liked girls my whole life, I can still get aroused by them and I can’t get the same instinctive reaction from a guy. So I can’t be gay. Sometimes ocd will go to something else once you prove it wrong. Maybe like. “What if I’m bi” again I can only get aroused by girls. Sometimes when I’m not thinking about it I can even get aroused when sitting next to a girl or when I’m sitting next to one or even when I’m touching one in a non sexual way. Something that never happens or has happened with a guy in my life. Don’t start panicking. Just “realise” who you are and who you’ve been.
- Date posted
- 20w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
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