So I saw something online called excessive worrying anxiety. It’s almost the same as ocd. The website said people with generalized anxiety disorder feel extremely worried or feel nervous about things even when there is little or no reason to worry about them. People with GAD find it difficult to control their anxiety and stay focused on daily tasks. So basically it’s the same thing as ocd but you don’t do compulsions. I’m not sure what I have because I can’t really pinpoint my compulsions. Maybe because my ocd is pure o? Idk but.... I know it’s some type of anxiety because if I actually was this way I wouldn’t worry like this. I was at volleyball and I saw the girl who triggered my hocd thoughts and I just can’t stand her now. I don’t even want to look at her. I used to be best friends with her? Ugh now I hate her. I didn’t want her to make the volleyball team how mean. Now that I think of it though this might be a compulsion. Avoiding looking at her, talking to her, doing anything with her.... wait so do I have ocd? Don’t answer that? That’s reassurance. Welp I guess I figured it out myself??

*ocd vent/story because i am not so sure if it’s ocd anymore* I always have anxiety attacks because of my ocd. I used to have ocd concerning how I looked like, with ticks and everything. I started comparing myself to every girl i found and that’s how I started noticing pretty people, mostly girls because i kept comparing myself to them. I told my parents and all they did was give me reassurance. it kind of made me feel better but just for the night. I had an anxiety attack every. Single. Day. I cried because of how my face looked like. But then, my hocd thoughts started out of nowhere with a dream where I was kissing my girl best friend. I was disgusted by it. I clearly remember in the dream that she enjoyed it more than me. I didn’t enjoy it at all. That’s when those thoughts about my body left me. I was completely surprised by it since I that came out of nowhere, I’d never had felt like that before, and I knew it was fake. Well, I dropped it and then around 2 weeks later I saw a friend and all I could think about was “what if I like her” and everything. I gave myself reassurance with quizzes online to see if I was bi and it said no so I dropped it again and didn’t really think about it. Then, again, 2 weeks later the thought came out of nowhere when I was watching a video. Then I first started thinking I could be bi. But again I woke up one day thinking I was a lesbian and those thoughts didn’t leave me alone. I started crying every single day because of them. I couldn’t even watch a movie with girls in it because it made me feel anxious. I slowly started losing my attraction then. I found out about hocd and i instantly knew that was me. Well, I was disgusted by being intimate with girls. But then my ocd kept getting worse and worse until I didn’t know if I would like them or not. Every single guy or girl I saw I imagine to see if I could like a relationship with one. When I see a hot guy and can’t imagine myself with one I put myself down because my head keeps using that as evidence. Every couple I see I now think the girl is pretty than the guy and it really bothers me. I can see a hot guy and feel nothing. The worse thing is I used to have a small crush before this happened. I hate this, I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. My head keeps telling me “you’re a lesbian” even when I am not doing anything. When I am happy I put myself down because my head keeps telling me “you’re a lesbian” and I think I am going to disappoint my parents. Or when people talk about my sisters boyfriend I just can’t imagine myself with a boyfriend anymore, all I could think about is the word “girlfriend” and it really bothers me. I keep thinking If i am ever going to be as close with a guy as my sister is with her boyfriend- always kissing him. But when I try imaging it and intrussive thought of a girl comes along. Sometimes they even are of how my life would be with a girl, and it makes me so anxious and fearful because i don’t know if I would like it or not, i don’t really know what i am feeling anymore. I am not ready to have a relationship yet but it would be nice to not have these thoughts and know for sure. Sorry if this is so long, I just don’t know anyone that’s having the thoughts I am having right now concerning my ocd, I am not sure of anything anymore.

Everyday this is starting to feel less and less like ocd. I constantly feel anxious. So here’s how it goes Every single girl I see I worry “what if I am attracted to them” If I am not attracted to every guy i see I feel guilty I can’t imagine myself with a guy anymore Can’t imagine myself with a girl either (but for some reason it’s telling me I would love that) I feel sick all the time I constantly feel anxious I have so many what if questions I worry that this may have been me all along I was just unknowingly suppressing it I worry that all my past crushes weren’t real I feel anxious towards any girl now I feel like I am never going to love a guy again I feel like my case is different, that mine is real I can’t tell whether I feel aroused or disgusted by the thoughts The thoughts don’t leave my head and I’m constantly anxious. I am not attracted to women I am not attracted to men anymore This sparked up all of the sudden I can’t tell whether I actually want to be with a women I can’t imagine my future without the thoughts coming I feel different than anyone else That fact that I am even having the thoughts makes me anxious I can’t think a girl is pretty without immediately thinking what if I am attracted to them For some reason I am convinced I am a lesbian all of the sudden Can’t imagine myself with a guy anymore. Can’t tell if I’m in the closet Feel so anxious Does this sound in any way like ocd?

idk how to explain this but i’ll try the best i can lol: ok so one night i was in bed and scrolling through this app and focusing on not doing compulsions for my HOCD (hearing other ppls stories can trigger me sometimes so i use them as exposures). anyway i read a post about someone who had HOCD & TransOCD. i thought “poor guy, that must be really hard”. then of course i thought “am i trans?” but i didn’t even worry about it because it’s one of those things that just isn’t something i need to worry about you know? it almost seems silly to worry about haha. anyway, the thought didn’t give me anxiety—almost at all (because for me it’s just a no brainer). then i started to get all worried about getting TransOCD, even if i really wasn’t fearful about becoming trans. so basically, i know i’m not trans, i’m not questioning who i am, and the thought of being trans doesn’t really make me nervous or afraid (because i just know it’s not true)—i’m just worried that this will turn into another OCD type...and THAT is what i’m obsessing on. how do i help that???