Hey everyone. I’ve been doing okay today. But I’ve been on twitter today and I don’t know if anyone has seen this but there’s a lot of people that speculate Shawn Mendes suffers from SOOCD. So I started reading about it and there’s a lot of people just laughing about it or saying he’s homophobic or closeted and it’s really stressing me out. I know I’ve said it a million times but it feels too real to be a ‘mental disorder’. How on earth can this be OCD and not just a sexual identity crisis?

Anyone else will just be doing anything normal and I’m gay comes in? It’s so distressing and I try and say ok sure ocd but the anxiety over takes me and my mind won’t let me believe I’m straight when I am. I love men I’m Not attracted to women but when I ask myself the doubt is for sure there which sounds like Casebook ocd. I’m just sick of this I don’t want to have to laugh at things in my head that don’t make any sense it’s so hard and unfair

Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.

I read an article on NOCD. It was triggering. In article she mentioned having so-ocd. She mentioned so-ocd often gets misunderstood and that she had internalized homophobia. She also mentioned being ill-informed on her values. This has distressed me so much. It’s made me question what if I don’t have so-ocd. I also did an exposure. I was watching a YouTube video called signs I missed growing up that I was a lesbian. In the video she mentioned being infatuated with her friends that were girls. I felt like when I met a new friend I would obsess over them. Then she mentioned being uncomfortable in lockers rooms when they had to change and I remember feeling uncomfortable. She also mentioned having dreams with girls and liking it. Last night I had a dream that I was having sex with my best friend and that I liked it. I am married and have a 6 month old and have a fear of losing my husband.