Been a long time since I’ve been on here. But OCD is really kicking my butt tonight. I failed miserably at my exposure hw because my anxiety was too high and had to take an anti anxiety med. I really don’t know how I can keep doing this. My OCD has me convinced I’m a horrible liar and faking medical conditions and if it’s really true, idk, I can’t live with it. Could just use some words of encouragement, anything really...

I’ve been dealing with a terribly overwhelming bout of OCD for a few months now, possibly the worst I’ve ever had in my 12 years of having it; which is what led me here. I’ve always had doubts in my long term relationship, but none that have been quite this vicious, making me question my sense of safety with this sweet man who has ALWAYS made me feel safe and comfortable. It picks on every aspect of our relationship, and any moment it can to make me question if he’s actually secretly a bad person. This thing has a chokehold on me and it is so scary and debilitating, especially with it targeting something I care so deeply about. And now weeks into therapy, I almost feel that unpacking it is making me feel worse and my OCD is finding all sorts of new things to pick on. Any comforting words would be appreciated… I’m trying really hard to work through this.

Today was a really bad day. I finally went on this app and started reading so many of my experiences through other peoples’ eyes. It was validating and triggering, and I spent the rest of the day shaking in bed. My mind is full of, “you’re sick, you’re crazy, you’re a burden, you’re an inconvenience, you’re a bad person because you’ve done bad things, your boyfriend shouldn’t love you, he’s been manipulated by you to stay…” I know it’s OCD. I know that now. I’ve known for years but I really know now. I really just want any advice at all. I have images in my mind I could never say out loud. I have guilt and shame that I could never heal from. I didn’t know so much of my personality was a neurological malfunction. I have gotten better but today it feels like any progress I’ve experienced never existed. But I know it’s possible. Please help.

(I’m not sure if this has anything triggering but just in case—know that I bring up my OCD but not what it is specifically so I think it’s fine? ) Just really struggling right now and was wondering if anyone had any words of advice or encouragement? I’ve had OCD my entire life but it didn’t start becoming severe until I was around 14/15. It reached the point of extreme where going anywhere or socializing at all caused embarrassment because I had NO idea how to control compulsions and had no idea that’s what they were in the first place. I would also get lost in intrusive thoughts and physically couldn’t communicate. Fast forward and I was isolated throughout the years important to my development. Didn’t go to school, didn’t go to any social events, didn’t get a job (and then 2020 came along and I literally couldn’t.) and just stayed in my room letting my OCD consume me. It was really bad in 2022 and destroyed a very important relationship I had and set me back once again, it hit me extremely strong and a few months later I was once again just -stuck- these were years I was supposed to get ready for college but I couldn’t, and now this year I’m turning 20 and I have nothing to show for it. I’m still stuck and at this point I just feel like there’s no hope for me. The only job I can muster up anything for is creative writing but I feel like such a failure. I’m in such a dark place and I just can’t convince myself it’ll get better. Any words of encouragement would be nice because I just don’t know what to do.