I'm struggling with intrusive thoughts about others while loving my boyfriend. Help?

rocd help

me and my boyfriend have had periods where we fight a lot recently. Ever since then, a lot of people, strangers, coworkers, classmates, anytime, I am around them, I find them attractive, or find qualities about them that are attractive. I feel like maybe this happens because I am lacking something that my boyfriend is not giving me. I just don’t know what, I’m really sad because I really do love my boyfriend and I don’t want anyone else, but these thoughts are really hard to deal with. I also have coworkers that are males that I speak to at work, and I always get intrusive thoughts while I’m talking to them or after. I’m really scared. This means I’m a cheater, or about to cheat. A lot of things have happened to me and my boyfriend’s relationship, not cheating at all but you know there’s way more than that that can happen. I feel like a lot of things have happened that we need to discuss and it’s been weighing on me and causing these thoughts. I feel like maybe I have these thoughts about other people, but my OCD makes it more than what it is and gives me anxiety. Help :(

Relationship OCD

Username: Jm3853aJm3853a

Date posted: 49w ago

Talk to a therapist, for sure. What you are experiencing is something I have dealt with in the past. Relationships aren’t always perfect and they can take work. It’s normal to go through rough patches - those don’t mean you and your boyfriend aren’t meant to be together. As long as the two of you love each other and are committed to working through issues in a respectful, constructive manner, that’s what matters. And also, it’s totally normal to find other people attractive and like talking to them. That doesn’t mean you love your boyfriend less. That’s just being human.

Username: co653co653

Date posted: 49w ago

@Jm3853a You’re right. I just keep obsessing over this but it’s hard not to

Username: Someone99Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 49w ago

Hi. Thanks for sharing. Relationships take work whether it's the first week or the 30th year. Give yourself a little grace, try not to assign meaning to passing thoughts.

Username: co653co653

Date posted: 49w ago

@Someone99 Thank you for this.

Username: Someone99Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 49w ago

@cs140 Praying for you after I post this reply. :-)

Username: citricsgirlcitricsgirl

Date posted: 49w ago

Hello!! My name is Rae. I hope I'm not too late. First of all I want you to know that you are not unfaithful or a bad girlfriend. People who have OCD tend to become obsessed with multiple things. You are becoming obsessed with your relationship and with yourself, but you become obsessed precisely because you are worried about your partner, you are worried that your relationship will break up. Couples have stages in which we fight more, and it is normal that when you have OCD, after a bad streak with your boyfriend, ugly thoughts come to you. I also have this type of OCD and I constantly think about how other guys are better than my boyfriend. I also think sexual things and it's horrible. but you know what? Those things I think are not real, and neither are the things you think. You have to try to see your OCD as if it were a dream. People sometimes dream horrible things but we wake up and forget that bad dream. Thoughts are the same as dreams. They are intrusive, you don't control them and they are not something you want. If you think a guy is handsome doesn't mean you want to date him, and if you think you want to date another guy, believe me, it's because you have OCD. The advice I can give you is to seek psychological help, and when you have those thoughts, tell yourself "oh, that voice again, what stupid things it says." I know it sounds impossible but little by little you will be able to.

Username: citricsgirlcitricsgirl

Date posted: 49w ago

It would also be great if you tried to detect if you have compulsions to try to avoid them. Just in case it happens to you, I think it's important to tell you that sometimes people with this type of OCD develop so much fear of feeling attracted to other people that we end up noticing our body too much, we even think we're excited, but it's not real, it feels real. but they are false sensations that our brain sends. So please, trust yourself. You have to try to remember that you know yourself better than anyone, and that you decide reality, not your thoughts. We are not what we think, we are what we decide. And if you decide to love your boyfriend, nothing that goes through your head matters.

Username: co653co653

Date posted: 49w ago

@citricsgirl Hi sorry for late response was at school. Thank you. It feels nice knowing others go through the same things. The feeling excited but it’s not real thing I relate so much I over analyze to the point where I do feel things. Thank you for your words

Username: JenniesOCDBrainJenniesOCDBrain

Date posted: 49w ago

hey there, i totally get how tough and confusing these feelings can be, especially with your relationship going through a rocky patch. it's really hard when your brain latches onto these thoughts and turns up the anxiety, making everything feel a hundred times more intense. i've got a different flavor of ocd, the pure o kind, but the struggle is real no matter the theme, right? just remember, you're not alone in this, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. we're all here to support each other, and i'm here to listen whenever you need to talk. 🤗 so, my therapist told me about this free ai ocd therapy tool called "unstuck" (www.AIOCDtool.com), and honestly, it sounds like it could be a good fit for what you're going through. it's designed to help you work through the exact kind of stuff you're dealing with - those intrusive thoughts and the anxiety they bring. when you use "unstuck," you just type in what's on your mind, and it guides you through the process, kind of like having a therapist in your pocket. it's not about giving reassurance, but helping you learn how to handle these thoughts better. i'm not into promoting apps either, but this isn't about that. this tool has been a game-changer for me, and i really hope it can offer you some relief too. no pressure, just something that might be worth checking out. if you have any questions about it, feel free to ask. take care and hang in there. 💙

Username: BSVWYIRGN

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m scared of being a cheater

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year coming this May. I have never had feelings for someone like this and I genuinely see myself living the rest of my life with him. Talking to him comes effortlessly. He sees me for all that I am and works with me. My family has already begun developing a connection with him as well as I have with his family. I’ve never felt so at home until meeting him. Lately my ROCD symptoms have been playing on the narrative of him either finding a new girl that interests him and is somehow “better” than me OR me ruining our relationship because of potential cheating I have absolutely no actual interest in cheating because I know he’s my person and so am his. I know I’m going to marry him and I know that I want him to be the father of my kids. I want to see him grow and I want to build a foundation of unconditional love with him. So why do I shame myself? There’s this shop that him and I go to quite frequently, and the last time we went an employer that we typically see every-time we come began talking to me personally. We were all just talking about movies but my boyfriend mentioned that he felt like he was flirting with me. I begun feeling bad like I was doing something wrong. My mind started telling me that I liked having him “flirt” with me and that it made me feel desirable and confident in knowing that I was still considered attractive. I’m scared because now everytime we go the employee seems to be staring at me and when I went today he actually gave me something for free which led to me thinking I was playing into the flirting narrative and that this would lead to something worse (Though I still have no interest in doing so, just anxiety about that happening is the best way to put it) Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is there any advice that can be given? I don’t think anything’s going to happen, but what If I do like knowing someone likes me even if it’s not reciprocated? Does that make me a cheater? Or is that the product of unresolved self worth issues?

Username: BC123

Date posted: 41w ago

ROCD

I think I have relationship OCD. I will be doing great with my boyfriend then out of no where I get this intrusive thought that he thinks other people are attractive and has a wandering eye for others and I need reassurance immediately. And when he gives me reassurance, I think he’s lying. After like an hour of back and forth repetitive conversation I feel better, then the next day it happens again. Every. Single. Day. I freak out and blow up and need reassurance. I can’t tell if I’m getting these thoughts because they are true or because I’ve been with someone in the past who has cheated on me so I believe that all people get these thoughts. I’m so ready for a cure. Does anyone know what to do? I don’t want to live with this

Username: Anonymous1909

Date posted: 36w ago

Rocd/ and what? Please read guys pls🥹

Hi guys I wanna say something…if anyone relates please advice me. Recently I’ve getting a lot of attention from guys (outside) and I’m in a relationship. So basically before rocd hit me I swear I never craved for attention like I’m doing these days and it’s just not feeling right. I feel that it’s against me my rules my values. Why am k running after attention and I’m liking it whenever I get the attention, I swear earlier I wouldn’t even care about it….my partner was all enough…now I’m questioning myself why?! Am I liking it. Do I like the person or the attention I’m getting from the person and one incident happened which made me feel like I should really stay in my boundaries and I feared loosing my partner. It not like I’m doing something unethical but it’s all making me feel like I’m a betrayer cheater and not loyal. And then today it made me question again do I not love my partner? I swear guys it’s getting heavy on me and definitely causing me anxiety and making me feel like kl never be able to become a good partner if I keep on going like this. I WAS NOT LIKE THIS , THIS ALL DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE ME! Does ocd has a part in it? What should I do because I think I’ll be ruining my relationship by going on like this. (Anxious) I feel like moving away because I’m not able to handle anything. Pls help me.

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I'm struggling with intrusive thoughts about others while loving my boyfriend. Help?

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