TOCD or just trans/nonbinary?

I've been struggling with my gender identity since about 2018 and have reached the point where I am currently on hormones. For a little bit I thought I was a woman but as time has gone on I've settled more into nonbinary as an identity. Now that I am on hormones, I'm noticing that some changes are positive in my mind and some give me a pretty decent amount of distress and doubt. I then discovered that TOCD is a thing and it's kind of thrown me for a loop since I already know I have OCD. I already had doubts but now I'm like, "Could I just be lying to myself and I actually have TOCD?", "Is this just a transphobic diagnosis that keeps people from living as they want?", "Is it possible for me to have TOCD and still be trans/nonbinary?". I'm going to have to talk to my therapist about it but in the meantime I would love some help understanding this whole issue. Thank you.

Username: jordan666jordan666

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi! I recently came out as trans (ftm) and have had doubts in my head like this. I know I am trans, I’ve known since I was a kid. I’ve also never felt so sure of something. Now that I’ve heard of TOCD I’m kinda freaking out thinking I’m not trans, but that it’s TOCD. It’s like you read my mind, I was thinking about this today. I have doubts now because I’m scared I have TOCD. Now I’m scared to start hrt because what if I regret it? These types of thoughts keep ruminating in my head and it’s kinda miserable.

Username: jordan666jordan666

Date posted: 1y ago

@jordan666 I know that wasn’t much help, but I just related to this post so much!

Username: JackieFroSTJackieFroST

Date posted: 1y ago

@jordan666 Thank you very much for the reply! It's always great to know someone can relate! I will say though for my own situation, I can't say it's something I've felt as strongly as you do. I do have some things in my childhood that could be seen through that lens but I can't say I've felt these feelings since childhood, y'know? Makes it all the more confusing, especially when doubts come up.

Username: eb00eb00

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm a nonbinary person with OCD also, and I've gone through things similar to this! I noticed there was a huge increase of Intrusive thoughts and doubts when I started hormones as well. It is possible to have TOCD and also be Trans, It is possible to have TOCD and not be trans. It is ALSO possible to be trans and have OCD about NOT ACTUALLY being trans, and lying to yourself about it. I have these kinds of doubts, and you seem to be experiencing this too! I've settled on a microdose of hormones for now. Things that settle my mind are knowing gender (at least mine) is fluid, and that I can stop whenever I like, and reasses. I recommend a specific gender identity therapist, alongside ERP and talk therapy. Its encouraging to see someone with similar struggles to me! I hope it's the same for you.

Username: JackieFroSTJackieFroST

Date posted: 1y ago

It's heartening to know one can have both. I'll see about getting another therapist who is more specialized and talk with my doctor about considering changes to my dosages until I am more certain with things

Username: Rage against the machineRage against...

Date posted: 1y ago

I think you have TOCD the other way around, you’re obsessing and terrified of being cis. Cis ppl with TOCD are terrified of being transgender, they don’t usually get to the point where they want hormones. It often starts very suddenly with a trigger.

Username: JenniesOCDBrainJenniesOCDBrain

Date posted: 1y ago

hey there, i totally get how tough and confusing this must feel for you. the questions and doubts swirling around can be really overwhelming, especially when they're tangled up with your sense of self. i've got pure o myself, so even though my obsessions are different, i know that relentless loop of 'what-ifs' all too well. just remember, you're not alone in this, and i'm here to listen whenever you need to vent or talk things out. 🌟 so, my therapist told me about this free ai ocd therapy tool called "unstuck" (www.AIOCDtool.com), and honestly, i think it could be super helpful for you. it's designed to help you when your ocd gets too intense. since your situation is so unique, it's cool because the ai tailors its guidance to what you're specifically dealing with at the moment. you just type in what's bugging you, and it guides you through, step by step, like an actual ocd therapist would. i'm not big on promoting apps or anything, but this isn't about that. this tool has legit been a lifesaver for me, and i really hope it can offer you some relief too. not pushy at all, just want to share something that's made a difference for me. if you've got any questions about it, i'm all ears. take care. 💙

Username: Hieronymus Hieronymus

Date posted: 17w ago

I once heard someone figure out their gender because a therapist asked them. “If you could change your gender like immediately no waiting times or months on hormones just BOOM boy or NB and no one had a problem with it like ever, would you still change your gender?”

Username: OcdmenaceOcdmenace

Date posted: 17w ago

Username: Hieronymus Hieronymus

Date posted: 17w ago

@Samuel66 There’s your answer, now tell that nagging thought to 01-21-DO-1

Username: ghostly

Date posted: 6y ago

Honestly the fact that I’m probably actually gay makes TOCD worse. Like, I know in theory that sexuality and gender identity necessarily aren’t connected. But being attracted girls seems mor nmasculine I guess? Plus I keep reading stories of people who first identified as lesbian and then came out as trans men. And my best friend came out as lesbian and then later as nonbinary. I know that doesn’t mean that applies to me but it makes the doubt so much worse and makes it feel more likely I’m trans because I’m (probably) gay or bi. I don’t know if my TOCD would feel as strong if I was straight. Idk it’s just really hard.

Username: mel774

Date posted: 1y ago

Someone please help!

So basically I’ve been dealing with obsessing thoughts about my sexuality and gender orientation. Although the majority of my thoughts are about my gender. It’s really freaking me out! I had a really bad issue with this when I was a freshman in high school. The thoughts became much less intense and I was able to live my life although I still got anxious about it from time to time. Now I’m in college and I recently began another very intense and distressing obsession about whether or not I’m attracted to girls or whether or not I’m transgender. It’s been six months of never ending anxious thoughts that really bother me. I want to be girl (which I am now) and date boys but I have these thoughts that what if I liked girls or wanted to be a boy and that causes me sooo much anxiety. I just worry so much because I sometimes have thoughts that I am uncomfortable being a woman and with feminine things even though I really like traditionally girly things and have all my life. There was never an ounce of evidence in my childhood but I’ve heard that some people don’t find out until they’re older and they sometimes don’t have any evidence from childhood so this doesn’t reassure me. Anyways, sometimes I have thoughts that it would make sense if I were a boy and that would be more like me even though I don’t want it to be and have never really felt like that. Lastly, I get really anxious because although I’ve felt much better with these obsessive thoughts over the past few years, it still came around once in a while. Why wouldn’t it go away? If I weren’t transgender, wouldn’t it have gone away? I just need some help. I don’t know what’s happening to me? I get scared because I just want to be me but sometimes it feels like it could be wrong and I can’t tell if it’s just my anxiety or what?

Username: maybealex

Date posted: 47w ago

!!TRANS FOLKS!!

Do any other trans people with OCD get intrusive thoughts about faking being trans or misgendering them? On a pretty much daily basis I go through this cycle of either accidentally misgendering myself or getting the thought of “you’ve been lying for the past 10 years and you’re actually not trans” and it always sends me into a spiral. My dysphoria tends to fluctuate and it gets worse when my dysphoria is lower than normal. Logically I know fluctuation is a thing that most trans people experience at some point but I still ruminate over it. Any other trans folks here experience something similar? If so, do you have tips to break that pattern of thought?

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