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These thoughts aren’t you they’re ego dystonic and are attacking everything you value! You are more than your intrusive thoughts ❤️

Your not alone, I have the same problems. OCD wouldn’t be so horrible if it didn’t feel real, the anxiety manipulates us into making it feel real. Stay strong, there’s some great content on YouTube that give you ways to work towards recovery. “OCD and Anxiety” channel has some good tips.

Check your area for an OCD treatment center but working with someone on this app or locally would be the same treatment but probably a lot less expensive. It's scary but to get rid of the OCD thoughts treat them as just thoughts and not something as fact. Agree with the possibility they are true even though you know they aren't true. Tell yourself " maybe I am a man" OCD's weakness is uncertainty. Don't push the thoughts away, don't force them to stop, or reassure yourself that you wouldn't ever do that obsession. It will make OCD worse. Get to a point where you have those thoughts and they are just annoying instead of threatening.

Hello! Want to share? Sometimes it’s helpful to let it out too and know you are safe

are you seeing an ERP specialist?

I can agree with what the people said above. The thoughts feel so real because they are against the values you live for - they trigger emotions which causes you to react, making you ruminate about them. That is triggering a chain reaction and the more you ruminate the more „real“ it becomes for you. Only by accepting the thoughts to be just that - thoughts - and fully embracing any emotion which come up you will feel better and - in contrast to the immediate gratification of ruminating and trying to make them go away, which eventually just makes it worse - by sitting with the discomfort and learning you can handle it you will feel so much better. ERP is so effective because you train exactly that non-responding which will retrain your brain into not considering these thoughts to be as scary and life-threatening as they can be without treatment. I was scared to tell my parents as well back then - I was scared of being judged because when I was a child my mom always told me that its useless to go to therapy. But I knew I needed it and in the end she supported me throughout the journey. So what I suggest: Talk to her, explain to her how important it is and she will understand. Please seek out therapy, I am convinced it will help you so much! All the best!