Is anyone familiar with pushing people out of their lives because they became a negative and toxic prescence un it? I stopped talking to someone that I used to talk to a lot, but in the recent months I started seeing things in their character that just made me uncomfortable and just down right annoyed Most of the time. Now I feel like a terrible person for avoiding this person and not speaking to them, but I don't know What to do, any advice?

Honestly I’ve never felt like the worst person ever , all my life I’ve always struggle with fitting in and making a good friend group, and I always think I don’t do enough for anybody and sometimes when I feel like somebody is becoming cold or distant I make sure to keep a distant too out of respect or a mechanism to help me not feel hurt , as a result a friend of mine did this and I stayed away because I had no idea what she was going through and my other friend who I’ve met at the beginning of the year I’ve never had a good feeling abt her because I noticed her starting to be really flirty with my boyfriend and when I tried talking to somebody about it , she twisted the entire situation to her assuming I was sl*t shaming her, which I’d never do that is not in my dictionary , so when I arrived to school everyone said she was saying really bad things about me and what’s worse is that she did this two months ago and I found out last week I cried to all of them about it and they ignored me they all laughed and just left me there to cry , I tried talking to my friend who slowly grew distant instead I noticed her getting closer to the friend who wronged me . I noticed all my friends growing a distant , I slowly felt like I failed as friend and then I slowly starting convincing myself i was a failure in general , so as a result, I turned to marijuana and cough medicine, and multiple dealers reach out weekly so I can buy more stuff , and what’s worse is that I know these people are not good friends but I still let them get to my head and on top of that I resort to substance abuse to help with my overthinking and anxiety , I need advice

i feel like i hate my friend and that i want to stop being friends with her. it feels like i desire it or get relief when i think about unfriending everyone. it makes me feel awful because this came out of nowhere and i have no reasoning for this because they’re all really nice to me. there’s not any red flags or anything. it feels like i want to send a message ending the friendships i have and i don’t know what to do.. everytime i talk to them now i get reminded of all of this and feel so guilty. i don’t even know if this is ocd or not because i haven’t even been diagnosed. idk what to do :( it hurts even more because when i think about if i would regret it, i don’t think i would..

I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.