- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
Torture
Ugh I wanna cry. ERP therapy feels like torture. I know I need it but I wanna cry. I’m tortured
Ugh I wanna cry. ERP therapy feels like torture. I know I need it but I wanna cry. I’m tortured
I’m so sorry. It’s really difficult isn’t it :( what exposures are you currently working on?
@blazed The “what if I have crush on ___” and “what if I’m a bad person for not feeling scared that I have a crush on ___ as if I don’t care if I do”
@Ishil Are you working with a therapist on this?
@blazed Yeah. I’m just feeling intense because this is my first time
@Ishil The first time is always the hardest. But you took the first step towards recovery and you should be proud of yourself! It takes time, but it will get easier. You’re doing a great job and keep on pushing forward. You got this!
I dunno maybe it’s just me but I felt tortured before ERP anyway, so for me I just felt I might as well do the torture that’s designed to help me
I understand 100%! Sending hugs! You’ve got this!
Can I hear some examples of specific parts of ERP that has helped you? I've been doing talk therapy for a few years and the major issue I have with it is that I already have analyzed all of my problems from every angle, so I'm kind of just sitting there yapping about it for an hour. I need solutions and things that make me feel better.
I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.
I read about ERP and have seen information about it on here. One of the goals is to say, "maybe I am this or that...ect." That terrified me. The thoughts and images that go in my head are disturbing and upsetting. I don't want to even think about saying, "maybe this or that." It's devasting to have these thoughts and question why you're having these thoughts. Doesn't the "maybe" make it worse? The one thing that helps me is that is to remind myself that these are just thoughts and I know I'm not a monster, even if I feel like one. Is ERP not for everyone? Has anyone else had a problem with the techniques used in this kind of therapy? I had cognitive therapy for years with an OCD specialist and that seemed to help a lot. Writing out the worst case scenarios would make me suicidal. Im having a difficult time not obsessing over the "maybe" after intrusive thoughts now. It doesn't make it better.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond