- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
Torture
Ugh I wanna cry. ERP therapy feels like torture. I know I need it but I wanna cry. I’m tortured
Ugh I wanna cry. ERP therapy feels like torture. I know I need it but I wanna cry. I’m tortured
I’m so sorry. It’s really difficult isn’t it :( what exposures are you currently working on?
@blazed The “what if I have crush on ___” and “what if I’m a bad person for not feeling scared that I have a crush on ___ as if I don’t care if I do”
@Ishil Are you working with a therapist on this?
@blazed Yeah. I’m just feeling intense because this is my first time
@Ishil The first time is always the hardest. But you took the first step towards recovery and you should be proud of yourself! It takes time, but it will get easier. You’re doing a great job and keep on pushing forward. You got this!
I dunno maybe it’s just me but I felt tortured before ERP anyway, so for me I just felt I might as well do the torture that’s designed to help me
I understand 100%! Sending hugs! You’ve got this!
I read about ERP and have seen information about it on here. One of the goals is to say, "maybe I am this or that...ect." That terrified me. The thoughts and images that go in my head are disturbing and upsetting. I don't want to even think about saying, "maybe this or that." It's devasting to have these thoughts and question why you're having these thoughts. Doesn't the "maybe" make it worse? The one thing that helps me is that is to remind myself that these are just thoughts and I know I'm not a monster, even if I feel like one. Is ERP not for everyone? Has anyone else had a problem with the techniques used in this kind of therapy? I had cognitive therapy for years with an OCD specialist and that seemed to help a lot. Writing out the worst case scenarios would make me suicidal. Im having a difficult time not obsessing over the "maybe" after intrusive thoughts now. It doesn't make it better.
I'm just laying here avoiding being an adult and wondering if during ERP the therapists are mean. Like, is it a "tough love" type of situation? That makes me anxious
I’m trying to do ERP therapy, but I keep thinking my subtype of ocd is the worst there ever is. I tried going on a walk tonight and the adrenaline in my body along with the shakes and the burning in my chest got so overwhelming. I felt like I was just about to lay down in the gutter along the sidewalk. I’m not trying to be super negative. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I just wanna cry so bad and I want it to go away but it won’t I almost feel like I have to call a crisis line or something even right now while I’m writing this I’m crying so bad. I can’t enjoy a single thing. I joined a support group tonight, but I just feel like I feel so bad for everyone because of how awful it is. I know what I’m writing right now doesn’t make a lot of sense but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to quit ERP therapy so bad cause I don’t think it’s gonna ever help. if anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated.
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