- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
Torture
Ugh I wanna cry. ERP therapy feels like torture. I know I need it but I wanna cry. I’m tortured
Ugh I wanna cry. ERP therapy feels like torture. I know I need it but I wanna cry. I’m tortured
I’m so sorry. It’s really difficult isn’t it :( what exposures are you currently working on?
@blazed The “what if I have crush on ___” and “what if I’m a bad person for not feeling scared that I have a crush on ___ as if I don’t care if I do”
@Ishil Are you working with a therapist on this?
@blazed Yeah. I’m just feeling intense because this is my first time
@Ishil The first time is always the hardest. But you took the first step towards recovery and you should be proud of yourself! It takes time, but it will get easier. You’re doing a great job and keep on pushing forward. You got this!
I dunno maybe it’s just me but I felt tortured before ERP anyway, so for me I just felt I might as well do the torture that’s designed to help me
I understand 100%! Sending hugs! You’ve got this!
Over the weekend I had so many flareups and Rushes of anxiety and panic attacks. This ERP therapy is so hard but I know it’s the right course of action just feeling stuck and a little defeated. Any advice for anybody else feeling this way or going through ERP therapy?Trying to remember this is part of the process but gosh it is so difficult.
I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.
I am hurting so much right now. I feel sad and disgusted with myself that I would even worry about these things (pocd). What kind of a human even thinks that and has doubts about that?? Definitely not one that’s rational or mentally sane. That kind of stuff should be a no brainer so why do I worry about it so much and what does it say about me? I feel sick and disgusted and can’t stop crying over it. I just feel so defeated like I want to disappear. I started ERP and every time I resist reassuring myself it comes back at me from every angle. I hate this so much.
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