OCD dreams

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔

Do you have hocd dreams?like i am afraid of the gay comunity since i was little just i cant stand them and i am so sorry if i upset someone. I had ocd since forever and i had a gay dream about myself 2 years ago then when my hocd started i started getting gay dreams about anyone and now i got one again and it was a horibble one but i have hocd dreams when i have obsessions before sleep and last night it was hell in my mind for hocd and i had a dream being bisexual it was a little confusing but i remember that i said that in my dream i am really scared i dont want to be bi

Damn I hate the intrusive dreams so much. Ever since my OCD flare-up this month, the dreams have gotten worse. I always wake up having thoughts like “why did i have a dream like that” and I feel anxious and distressed. I was doing really find a couple of months ago, the thoughts were tolerable to say the least but they get bad from time to time. But ever since September, it’s been non-stop bad. I get intrusive dreams, thoughts, feelings, urges and sensation that’s been distressing to the point that I always get somatic symptoms of anxiety. I always wake up with my heart rate so elevated and feeling nauseous and my throat tightening. It sucks. Does this happen to anyone else?