This isn’t an ocd related post this time but I need some help... So my girlfriend told me one thing and my parents said another but my girlfriend denied it to my parents but Her and I know it’s true but now my parents think I’m lying to them “I don’t like being played” but I don’t wanna say that my girlfriend isn’t telling them and she’s mad at me now for telling them the thing she denied and my parents are mad and I lost my bestfriend recently because he backstabbed me so I have no one to talk to and I don’t know what to do.:(

I’m angry. Irritated. Whatever. I’m in a day program and yesterday they’re freaking out because I was open about my harm ocd. The dr I saw yesterday in the afternoon that wasn’t my actual doctor talked to me and told them it’s just ocd. Today my actual doctor told me to TELL MY FATHER THE THOUGHTS I GET OF STABBING HIM AND MY MOM IN THEIR SLEEP. Because “I don’t think he’d understand if he heard it from me” ME EITHER. Why the HELL would you give meaning to my thought?! Why would you make me tell him?! There’s no purpose, he’s an idiot! He was like “so you get thoughts of murdering us in our sleep” and said “should I be ready”. And then my dumb self mentioned my pocd while trying to explain ocd to him. ?‍♀️ He’s “trying” to be better then he used to be but he still pisses me off. I miss my best friend, I used to trust her with this stuff. I hate talking about my dad to anyone else.

Does anyone else with ocd lie a lot? I found myself lying when I first started ocd treatment to try to make everything seem like I had a picture perfect life when I don’t. And it just went from one lie to another. Now I feel extremely guilty. I am much better now but I still feel that guilt. I don’t wanna lose my best friend. I know shes figured a lot of shit out. She’s a genius (literally). But she’s never treated me any differently. She holds me accountable which is one of the many many things I love about her.

Sexual theme ocd sucks. I’m 15. So. When my ocd first started back in 2022 near July. This was about 4-5 months into dating my current gf. So my ocd first started because of a false memory saying “what if I ever did something very bad that hurt someone as a kid.” And this carried on for months and months. Anyway in the middle of dealing with that obsession. My gf insisted she NEEDED to know what the thought wasn’t. So she listed some things. And she listed the theme or topic that my false memory was about. And I didn’t respond for a min and she said “that’s scaring me” and I lied and I said “no my ocd isnt about that topic or theme” and we haven’t talked about that obsession since. Since that point. Ever since I lied. I feel guilty. Every single week. Guilt comes over me. I feel like a horrible person and I don’t know what to do. Do I just carry on? I was so scared and she wouldn’t have understood it’s JUST ocd. She wouldn’t have understood and she would have treated me different. And I was terrified because she didn’t understand ocd well so I lied. I’ve told my bestfriend about what the false memory was about. And for months he even tried to convince me that it is a false memo ry. But no matter what I would always say “but what if..” he knows I lied to my gf about the false thought and he just said it’s okay, i was scared and I lied. And a thought is just a thought. I even asked the PERSON that my false memory was about if I ever hurt them or did anything bad ever when I was a kid. And over 5 times they promised me of course I never hurt them or anything. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to tell my gf the false thought that I had so long ago. But I lied so I don’t know if it’s NEEDED to tell her. I don’t know if keeping it from her is bad or not. Do I just move forward and be happy in my relationship. I feel like I don’t deserve this happiness nor love because of the lie I’ve said. I feel like if she knew she’d stop loving me. Or breakup. Or anything. And I don’t know if it’s so wrong that I lied and that I’m keeping this from her. Please someone tell me I’m okay. Please someone tell me if I deserve to stay in this relationship. Or if I should just tell her I lied and accept anything that comes. Sometimes I feel like I should breakup because I lied and I don’t want to cause her pain. I’m f*cking struggling I really need help