Help

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..

sorry for bothering, for posting too much. but can ocd cause you to sort of.. change? i’m scared i will change. right now i don’t feel like typing all extra with a bunch of emojis and hearts like i usually do. it was usually to represent my values of love and kindness and positivity. but i don t feel like doing that. i feel like typing like this. i’m worried that i will lose my values/morals. i’m scared i am becoming a less emotional or empathetic person. i’m scared that i forced myself to be that way in the past. i’m worried that i don’t know who i am and i will never truly know who i am or feel at peace with myself or my values. i’m worried that because of this ocd i am changed forever. i’m even worried that it isn’t ocd anymore.

My theme has shifted drastically in the past year. I haven’t used NOCD in a while since i’ve been doing a lot better and thought i’d just check and see how the community is doing. Hope you’re all doing okay 👌🏼. I suffered with SO-OCD for over a year. Thankfully, i’ve somewhat overcome this and it’s nothing but a passing thought in my head After a period of peace I began having obsessions and fears about the end of the world. Specifically asteroid/comets. The sound of a plane, a low rumble, or a loud bang is enough to send me spiralling. I’d jump for my phone to see what the news was saying and even downloaded a flight radar app to check if what i was hearing was a plane or not. Last night i noticed a bright star start flickering and i was convinced i was gonna die. The dreams are relentless. Every night I have nightmares about the same thing and every night I feel absolute horror, coming to terms with death before waking up in a cold sweat. Let me know your thoughts or if anyone else is going through similar things.