- Date posted
- 1y
Hocd
Everyone on here keeps saying they know they re str8 but the ocd is making them doubt it. I’m breaking down because i dont even know anything anymore so that must mean its not ocd
Everyone on here keeps saying they know they re str8 but the ocd is making them doubt it. I’m breaking down because i dont even know anything anymore so that must mean its not ocd
Not true! OCD can show up in all sorts of ways and make you doubt everything about yourself. I too struggle with knowing if I’m straight, bi, or gay - I genuinely have no idea. I decided that I don’t need to label myself as anything and just let whatever happens, happen. It’s hard bc I don’t want my fear to be true, but I know I don’t have control over that. It’s very distressing, I feel your pain. You’re not alone in this ❤️
@blazed I dont want to accept the uncertainty bc i just dont want it to be true..
@Thaliaa I know, it’s not easy :( taking the first step is always difficult, but you can do it. You’re capable of doing hard things.
I feel the same way!
I have also been concerned about this, in some texts or articles they mention this and it is as if it seems that the example is people who the only thing they have are intrusive questions although it seems that they can function normally and their only problem is the questions, really since The point I am at I would prefer that this was my case and that despite the questions it could work, but this has affected everything, now I am super sensitive to all stimuli from men, I get very bad and it triggers me a lot, although in the Deep down I know that I don't want to, I won't, I don't expect to act accordingly, I'm afraid of not being able to go back to being who I was or not being able to feel the way I felt, of being condemned, and I don't mean that it's bad, but that it's not bad. It doesn't mean that I have to love it, a while ago my condition wasn't so serious.
@Carlos A I relate to you on so many levels
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
This shit has to be one of the most confusing subtypes of ocd because no matter what you will never find clarity. When it started it wasn’t as bad and confusing because it was mostly anxiety. But when it started getting physical that’s when it got extremely confusing because I feel tension and fear when thinking of gay stuff but while testing I get arousal sensations so the big question is “if I am afraid of it how can my body respond as if I’m into it and if I’m into it how does my body respond with fear as if I’m not” and it’s endless. I wish I never started testing my arousal so I never started getting groinals to gay stuff in the first place. But there’s no going back now.
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