Love working w/ kids but it’s an OCD nightmare.

Trigger Warning: please help! Had a kind of rough day after about a week of feeling decent. Question: I work in childcare, I have memories from before the ocd got bad of my eyes kind of naturally looking at butts. And sometimes, it would be kids butts. I kind of remember commenting on it in my head saying stuff like “wow that’s big for a child” or stuff related to that, and one time even a child came over to me and told brought me over to the monkey bars and told me that he could see a girls underwear, and I kind of looked before telling him it was rude to say that, it was kind of like my eyes were naturally attracted to it, kind of like a car accident I couldn’t look away. But I never thought of it again until the OCD started. I’ve never in my entire life pleasured myself to the thoughts of children, it’s never even crossed my mind until the OCD started, but I’m kind of convincing myself I am one. Ugh I’m so sick of this.

I have this image that comes to my mind without a warning. In this Image, I touch a child inappropiately to an inappropiate area. Im not afraid of doing something bad to a child, but Im afraid of this image because it brings along the high anxiety as it makes me doubt if I d i d something bad. It feels almost true. Because of this I used to avoid changing nappies, washing our baby etc. My compulsion was, and somewhat still is, avoidance of certain situations+ rumination. Have noticed counting to be one as well (almost like keeping track of time, or mind busy when being in a situation that I know the image may pop in my head) Have learned to avoid both of these but after the image Im left with anxiety, which turns to sadness, feeling very low. I used to have these daily when our child was a baby and still when she was a toddler, now the image comes may be once in two weeks. Still every time Im left with this same lowness. I had this kind of moment yesterday and again it feels almost true- what if I did touch her. Does anybody have similar situation? Also, if there is professional on the line, I would like to start Erp. I don't know how to proceed without support. Thank you beforehand for any advice.

i would want to be a teacher or an aftercare counselor, not for the rest of my life, just for right now and i do get along with kids sometimes im not really around them alot. i wouldn’t want to work with high schoolers or middle schoolers, a part of me does to be able to set them up for the real world and ive been through a lot so I could give advice, but nowadays they are so disrespectful so I would rather work with little kids. BUT, i see so many TikTok’s of women getting arrested (women teachers) for doing stuff to their students. i already have pocd, and this scares me. it makes me feel like i should just stay away because im gonna end up “giving in and turning into a p”. it freaks me out. i then think I should work there anyways as exposure, but then my ocd tells me it’s because i want to be around kids and im using ocd and exposure as an excuse :(