Toxic friends

I have problem that’s plagued me my whole life that I’m seen as an “easy target” for the belittling and bullying of people. I’m not quick to comebacks, and I don’t really stand up for myself because I’m afraid of confrontation. But I’m REALLY starting to lose it and I’m gonna have to do something. More recently I have this “friend” that loves to belittle me and is generally rude. You might ask “why are you even hanging out with this person?” But they’re roommates with one of my best friends, are part of our friend group so to speak and when they aren’t being mean to me we’ll actually have decent conversations. So it’s complicated, and the more I’m around them the more negatives outway the positives. Earlier today for instance, I got good news and shared it with her. Instead of even the slightest support or “wow congrats!” She just goes “okay? I don’t care.” Like why?? What makes someone want to be so cold towards who’s supposed to be their friend?? Some other things they’ve said to me that piss me off is “keep your happiness to yourself.” “You’re embarrassing.” “Can you mask yourself while we’re here?” Basically telling me to stop being myself. It’s crazy that no one else in this friend group calls her out for it, it’s making me feel crazy. But she genuinely thinks we’re buddies and that what shes saying is just funny and it’s not hurting me! I wish it was simple enough to avoid her, but we’re in classes together, shes always with my close friend, shes always there.

Username: Maddie DMaddie D

Date posted: 43w ago

I am so so sorry. Trust me I understand, I’ve learned that a lot of people with OCD tend to go through this with people and being seen as someone that can just be treated poorly. Honestly I’ve learned to accept it a lot of the time but when it gets to stuff like that just be like “okay” the best response is always having no response or just saying okay or looking at them weird, neurotypicals tend to hate that or when they can’t get a reaction out of you. 😭 And it is not a rude response either if that may be a struggle for you.

Username: StudybugStudybug

Date posted: 43w ago

Listen to me. This girl is not your friend. She does not genuinely think that she is just making a joke, but rather she is using the mask of a joke to voice her dislike of you. She knows exactly what she is doing. Understand that this has nothing to do with you, she's clearly just not a nice person and has inner issues. You say she's roomates with one of your best friends? She's probably jealous of your relationship with your best friend and wants to sideline you. Don't let her. Do not sacrifice your mental health for some girl. Also, you don't have to be good at comebacks. You can simply call her out. When she says something say "That's not funny, that was just rude" if she's says "omg you're so serious I was only making a joke" say "well it wasn't funny I found it very rude of you". Yes it will get awkward after but people like this girl hate being called out. It weakens them. Don't be afraid of the awkwardness. Don't make an effort to keep the peace and be nice to her because she's doing none of that. Stop sharing things with her she doesn't deserve it. If you feel uncomfortable calling her out then tell your other friend you will not be around her anymore and you want to hang out separately.

Username: NotSoNewb82NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 43w ago

Just avoid. I’m sorry to say it but I was in a similar situation a long time ago. You’d be surprised how low someone who doesn’t like you can go.

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 43w ago

Get you! I have had many strange "friends" Time for you to set healthy boundaries I think! OCD treats us bad, and we let it - we have to build sefconfidence both regarding OCD but also regarding people. I have worked on that for long time combined with selfcompassion! I can tell you it's so goodfor your health. Don't let people treat you that bad!

Username: Lrose

Date posted: 6y ago

Hey guys, just wanted a bit of advice as I’m sure my friends are sick of me constantly asking them for reassurance and to be there for me. I use to be very close friends with this girl who had kids with a complete an utter nasty piece of work, anyway when they were together I was friendly with him as he was with my close friend and that’s only right, even though most people despised of him, I never see the bad in people. Then when they broke up he came to my home a few times to chat and for advice, which I gave him, he then tried it on with me sexually and I obviously declined in which he didn’t like, I then had the decency to tell me friend the mother of his children and it back fired on me for trying to be the good friend by telling her the truth, she then took his side in which I lost all respect for her as I was trying to do right by her for telling her what had happened as o hate things like that on my mind. After this he came to my house and threatened, send me a whole load of abusive threatening voice notes too like the vile human he is because of course he got found out. I drifted away from her because of the situation and clearly trying to do the right thing was the wrong thing, we have briefly spoke since this happened a few times within the last three or so months. This caused me to have severe ocd and have the worst paranoia, I don’t want her in my life, I don’t even have her number saved but today she turned up at my door unexpectedly just to ‘pop in’ although I don’t want anything to do with her, the whole situation makes me feel ill, makes my ocd bad and bad paranoia. What can I do?

Username: Lrose

Date posted: 6y ago

What do you do if you feel like you can’t get away from some people who call themselves ‘friends’ but you know that they don’t actually care for you and are no good for you? Since my mental health has been getting worse over these past few months, I have felt like I’ve hit rock bottom. My best friend of twelve years has more or less been avoiding to come and see me. I clearly know that it’s because of the way I feel at the moment & it’s not easy to be around me but I more or less try to hide it all when I’m around people anyway. I feel like most people around me are so bad for me, they add no good into my life and it sure does show when you are going through a bad time who your friends are! Any advice?

Username: Lin__

Date posted: 4y ago

I cut my “best friend” off of 11 years this week. I have given her chance after chance to get better and she continued to treat me like shit. So I feel free from that, however my other best friend of 11 years stopped being friends with both me and the toxic friend just because I was still friends with her. I’m 20 and go to a community college and it’s been very hard for me to make friends even before the pandemic. I haven’t had any other friends outside them since hs and my hs friends honestly weren’t great to me either (we distanced, all of us) and of course I’ve looked at myself and considered myself to be the problem and blamed myself but even my therapist doesn’t think that’s true... but anyways. I’m here. Lonely af. Officially no friends. And the sad thing is I don’t know when I will have any. It could be months or years from now and I’m so focused on school... I have no idea if I will ever be happy with someone (like a vest or close friend) or even be in a relationship. Anyways this is what I’m going through and I’m feeling very alone

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