Please relate. The “i want to die” thought?

I have suicidal ocd and I definitely relate. *I* don't want to die, I love living, but the bugs in my brain keep telling me that I want to die and it gets really hard to deal with. For me, it gets triggered when I'm being understimulated, as it makes me think about the "forever nothing" that is to come. It scares me so bad that my mind tells me that I should just kill myself so I don't have to be scared anymore, which is obviously not proactive or what I want. It's really scary and, at times, debilitating, but just know that these thoughts aren't *your* thoughts! They're just random thoughts that pop through, nothing more. It's hard, but it gets better, and we'll make it through 💪☺️!

I feel like that sometimes too. I don’t want to die but I get thoughts of it.

I think this in a loop all the time but usually in response to my rocd and shame becoming intense

I think I had these intrusive thoughts regularly for about 30 years, starting when I was 12. It was occasional for most of that, but got worse when my marriage went south. There was probably about ten years when it was near daily. I was always fortunate, though, in that for the most part I seemed to understand they were intrusive even long before I knew what intrusive thoughts were. I got through it by treating them like they were completely separate from my mind. "Oh, you're still there? Shut up, will you?" " Oh yeah, that's a thing that happens." They still come, rarely, now, and now it's more like I bumped into an old acquaintance is rather not see. It's not you, I promise. But even if they never totally go away, they don't have to get to you; it just takes some work learning to ignore them