- Date posted
- 1y
Please relate. The “i want to die” thought?
I have the “i want to die thougt” everyday!!! Is this normal with suicidal ocd?? Anyone relate?
I have the “i want to die thougt” everyday!!! Is this normal with suicidal ocd?? Anyone relate?
I have suicidal ocd and I definitely relate. *I* don't want to die, I love living, but the bugs in my brain keep telling me that I want to die and it gets really hard to deal with. For me, it gets triggered when I'm being understimulated, as it makes me think about the "forever nothing" that is to come. It scares me so bad that my mind tells me that I should just kill myself so I don't have to be scared anymore, which is obviously not proactive or what I want. It's really scary and, at times, debilitating, but just know that these thoughts aren't *your* thoughts! They're just random thoughts that pop through, nothing more. It's hard, but it gets better, and we'll make it through 💪☺️!
I feel like that sometimes too. I don’t want to die but I get thoughts of it.
I think this in a loop all the time but usually in response to my rocd and shame becoming intense
I think I had these intrusive thoughts regularly for about 30 years, starting when I was 12. It was occasional for most of that, but got worse when my marriage went south. There was probably about ten years when it was near daily. I was always fortunate, though, in that for the most part I seemed to understand they were intrusive even long before I knew what intrusive thoughts were. I got through it by treating them like they were completely separate from my mind. "Oh, you're still there? Shut up, will you?" " Oh yeah, that's a thing that happens." They still come, rarely, now, and now it's more like I bumped into an old acquaintance is rather not see. It's not you, I promise. But even if they never totally go away, they don't have to get to you; it just takes some work learning to ignore them
Starting in high school, I became very suicidal, and it became my “safety net” of all went wrong. I know it’s dark, but I was in a really bad head space and I saw suicide as my escape if I couldn’t fix my life. It got to the point where I was constantly thinking about suicide (literally every day, multiple times a day). Over the last year, I’ve gotten better and I think about it less. But then my OCD grabbed hold of it…. Now, if I do something wrong or embarrassing or if I struggle in a social situation (which is often 😅), my mind says “kys”, “jump off a bridge”, and so on. It’s like an automatic response with my OCD and it makes me so uncomfortable… I’m trying to get better. I don’t want to die. Sure, I still get pretty low, but I always push the thoughts away now instead of welcoming them like I used to. But with the intrusive thoughts being nearly constant now, it’s kind of scary. I dont know what to do to make them stop since the intrusive thoughts are just so automatic at the slightest feeling of discomfort. I have a therapist, but I dont know how to bring this up with her. I’m too nervous to even admit to suicidal thoughts, not to mention the intrusive thoughts they’ve turned into. It kind of feels like it’ll never go away.
I’m not suicidal by any means, I had a thought one time when I was going through some stuff and ever since then I wake up every morning and think about it all day I have thoughts like “did I mean that?” “Did I want that?” “Am I gonna think this all day” “would I really do that” and literally it’s to the point it’s driving me nutssss please tell me I’m not alone and please tell me how you got through this, I started antidepressants about 6 days ago it’s called Effexor for the mean time I need some advice
Anyone else have repeated thoughts that play that are negative. Basically a back and forth of you telling yourself you don't want X to happen but having a thought that slips saying you do. Like being stressed out one day and saying "man I wish I were dead". But instead of letting it roll through your mind and thinking nothing of it, you obsess if you actually want that outcome for yourself and you are now scared you'd fatally harm yourself whenever you feel anxious or stressed even though you know you wouldn't. So now I repeatedly get I wanna die stuck in my head and I feel the compulsive need to say no I don't to combat the thoughts and it happens throughout the day and even when I wake up.
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