- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I think someday we will be better. Get attached to that, this shit is hard and is going to last. But Im only certain of one thing in my life and is that is not going to be forever. Meanwhile, don't trust your mind. We are not depressed all the time. There are moments in where we are not thinking about this. We are stronger than yesterday. Healing is hard as hell in any way.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I experience this on a daily basis, and you know what I tell my brain, “yes you are right I so horny for him right now” “I’m definitely gay”and keep walking or working. Don’t negotiate with ocd do everything in your power to cut the compulsion. Whatever you want in life is at other side of the fear even if that means your gay or bisexual. Acceptance of whatever the fear and keep living your life is key.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
That’s the problem is “whatever is on the other side” mentality causes great deal of stress. I don’t mean it to be rude or ignorant as I personally don’t have any issues with people who are homosexual or bisexual, I just keep having the thought “I don’t want to be gay, I don’t want to be bi”. To me it’s no different than “I don’t want to harm so and so” or “I don’t want to get my house broken into”. Then the mind goes with “you’re suppressing/lying to yourself” despite very little if any evidence I am doing that. The acceptance is very difficult as it’s the unknown that is bothersome.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
That’s another problem right there, that “I’m pretty certain this ocd”. Because then what if is not ocd and your mind goes on a rambling of what if? Bro, is going to take sometime for your brain to switch off the ocd, but you have to Jump into the uncertainty of not never really knowing if your sex orientation is changing or not. Is hard as shit and I’m telling from somebody who’s been married for six year and kids.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah it’s a lot of false attractions that then spikes anxiety which then makes the situations feel even more real. I’ve never been aroused by a male, but OCD likes to find just other garbage to throw at me. I’m glad to know I’m not alone but I’m disheartened that we have to try and live and cope with this illness.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y ago
That’s very common for people with HOCD, probably the single most common part of it. I get that it’s difficult to just accept it , but if you can convince yourself that you aren’t straight , then you could equally say , in my opinion , that you could convince yourself it would be okay if you were gay and that you could live a great life regardless of it. Ask yourself what would be different about your life , would it change the person you are , and would it define you. If your answer to these questions is yes , than you have to work on getting to why. Best of luck to you bro fr.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Ramblin’ Guy I don’t think you will like my answer but it’s for the best. Why would it matter if you were in denial ?? Why would it affect the quality of your life ? And if it would , why would you let it ? These are important questions. Not at all implying that you’re in denial just trying to get you towards accepting uncertainty ??
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hey I appreciate everyone’s support and help. I’ve battled this subtype for years, off and on. Was bad in my HS years and then went a good 15 without even bugging me besides a few intrusive thoughts. End of the day it’s basically I’m 99.9% positive I’m straight and Herero. I’ve had girlfriends and the love life was awesome. Never felt that way towards a man besides knowing that someone of the same sex is a good looking person (let’s be honest if you can’t admit that then you’re a liar), or I like being around them. My go to has always been, if I don’t want to kiss, touch or have sex with them, I’m pretty certain this is OCD.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
It has literally taken everything valuable to me, sex, wife and having meaningful relationships, but not anymore. I would rather risk possibly being gay or bi or whatever in my heterosexuals life than to be married to ocd. Plus find a therapist, it was a game changer for me.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. The sad thing is, everything you’ve stated I already know as I’ve done out patient therapy and have been seeing a ocd specific psych for a year now. It’s unfortunate I am not able to apply what I should know, but all I can do is continue to work on it. Thanks to all who have replied.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hopefully, you can get pass this bro
- Date posted
- 5y ago
One day at a time...
- Date posted
- 5y ago
The best to do is ignore it. "I thought that shit", wow, okay that was rude. And keep going. If you loose your time analyzing it is not going to get you anywhere. No matter how many times you try. You are never going to be okay with whatever your mind is up to. I mean, don't even try to convince you about being anything, in the end you know what you want to do with your life, even if you think you don't know now, your actions show it. That is the trap and the suffering. I have been having this shit for 10 months. And yes, sometimes I look at boobs and think they are really good. But that doesn't make me want to touch them or look at them more time or anything else. Sometimes I look at my friends and I start thinking I should date them because they are nice with me and I fear I am not going to have any friend of my own sex because of this. Everything in hocd is fear, is a cage. Is not feeling yourself, is not liberating, is feeling lost in between and is doubting the slightest thing about yourself. Our brain doesn't work the same and keep thinking about this things all day. I still have my moments of feeling numb but since I went to the therapy I am starting to understand. You are always the one who give this shit the meaning that it has.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
This is probably reassurance, but does anyone go from having HOCD to realizing they’ve been in denial? I’ve never read of a case of that happening, but then again when people are successful with coping, they tend to stop showing up online.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
Hi everyone, I wanted to reach out to see if anyone else has experienced something similar with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’ve been struggling during moments of intimacy because intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to POCD, feel so ‘sticky’—like they’re all I can picture. Even though I really want the thoughts to go away, they persist, and I’ve been trying not to avoid intimacy because of them. However, that makes me feel like I’m somehow ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or images, which I really dislike. It’s like my brain is playing this awful trick, and it’s leaving me feeling confused and gross. I guess I’m supposed to not let the thoughts bother me and continue as if nothing’s wrong, but I’m scared that by doing so, I’m almost training myself to get off to them or something. This fear makes it so hard to trust myself in those moments, and it’s been overwhelming. If anyone else has been through this, how do you handle it?
- Date posted
- 16w ago
It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.
- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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