So my HOCD has been pretty rough the last couple weeks. Have others that suffer from this type of OCD ever see an attractive person of the same sex and look internally for “feelings” of attraction? I’m beyond the “groinal response phase” now, and now its look for feelings of attraction. My mind is going back and forth between “this is a real feeling you are denying” or “this is just OCD creating false feelings”. Would love to hear if others have experienced it and if so, how they’ve coped with it.

I think someday we will be better. Get attached to that, this shit is hard and is going to last. But Im only certain of one thing in my life and is that is not going to be forever. Meanwhile, don't trust your mind. We are not depressed all the time. There are moments in where we are not thinking about this. We are stronger than yesterday. Healing is hard as hell in any way.

I experience this on a daily basis, and you know what I tell my brain, “yes you are right I so horny for him right now” “I’m definitely gay”and keep walking or working. Don’t negotiate with ocd do everything in your power to cut the compulsion. Whatever you want in life is at other side of the fear even if that means your gay or bisexual. Acceptance of whatever the fear and keep living your life is key.

That’s the problem is “whatever is on the other side” mentality causes great deal of stress. I don’t mean it to be rude or ignorant as I personally don’t have any issues with people who are homosexual or bisexual, I just keep having the thought “I don’t want to be gay, I don’t want to be bi”. To me it’s no different than “I don’t want to harm so and so” or “I don’t want to get my house broken into”. Then the mind goes with “you’re suppressing/lying to yourself” despite very little if any evidence I am doing that. The acceptance is very difficult as it’s the unknown that is bothersome.

That’s another problem right there, that “I’m pretty certain this ocd”. Because then what if is not ocd and your mind goes on a rambling of what if? Bro, is going to take sometime for your brain to switch off the ocd, but you have to Jump into the uncertainty of not never really knowing if your sex orientation is changing or not. Is hard as shit and I’m telling from somebody who’s been married for six year and kids.

Yeah it’s a lot of false attractions that then spikes anxiety which then makes the situations feel even more real. I’ve never been aroused by a male, but OCD likes to find just other garbage to throw at me. I’m glad to know I’m not alone but I’m disheartened that we have to try and live and cope with this illness.

That’s very common for people with HOCD, probably the single most common part of it. I get that it’s difficult to just accept it , but if you can convince yourself that you aren’t straight , then you could equally say , in my opinion , that you could convince yourself it would be okay if you were gay and that you could live a great life regardless of it. Ask yourself what would be different about your life , would it change the person you are , and would it define you. If your answer to these questions is yes , than you have to work on getting to why. Best of luck to you bro fr.

@Ramblin’ Guy I don’t think you will like my answer but it’s for the best. Why would it matter if you were in denial ?? Why would it affect the quality of your life ? And if it would , why would you let it ? These are important questions. Not at all implying that you’re in denial just trying to get you towards accepting uncertainty ??

Hey I appreciate everyone’s support and help. I’ve battled this subtype for years, off and on. Was bad in my HS years and then went a good 15 without even bugging me besides a few intrusive thoughts. End of the day it’s basically I’m 99.9% positive I’m straight and Herero. I’ve had girlfriends and the love life was awesome. Never felt that way towards a man besides knowing that someone of the same sex is a good looking person (let’s be honest if you can’t admit that then you’re a liar), or I like being around them. My go to has always been, if I don’t want to kiss, touch or have sex with them, I’m pretty certain this is OCD.

It has literally taken everything valuable to me, sex, wife and having meaningful relationships, but not anymore. I would rather risk possibly being gay or bi or whatever in my heterosexuals life than to be married to ocd. Plus find a therapist, it was a game changer for me.

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. The sad thing is, everything you’ve stated I already know as I’ve done out patient therapy and have been seeing a ocd specific psych for a year now. It’s unfortunate I am not able to apply what I should know, but all I can do is continue to work on it. Thanks to all who have replied.

Hopefully, you can get pass this bro

One day at a time...

The best to do is ignore it. "I thought that shit", wow, okay that was rude. And keep going. If you loose your time analyzing it is not going to get you anywhere. No matter how many times you try. You are never going to be okay with whatever your mind is up to. I mean, don't even try to convince you about being anything, in the end you know what you want to do with your life, even if you think you don't know now, your actions show it. That is the trap and the suffering. I have been having this shit for 10 months. And yes, sometimes I look at boobs and think they are really good. But that doesn't make me want to touch them or look at them more time or anything else. Sometimes I look at my friends and I start thinking I should date them because they are nice with me and I fear I am not going to have any friend of my own sex because of this. Everything in hocd is fear, is a cage. Is not feeling yourself, is not liberating, is feeling lost in between and is doubting the slightest thing about yourself. Our brain doesn't work the same and keep thinking about this things all day. I still have my moments of feeling numb but since I went to the therapy I am starting to understand. You are always the one who give this shit the meaning that it has.

This is probably reassurance, but does anyone go from having HOCD to realizing they’ve been in denial? I’ve never read of a case of that happening, but then again when people are successful with coping, they tend to stop showing up online.