- Date posted
- 1y
feels inevitable
even though i really don’t want to kill anyone, it feels inevitable. like one day i’m going to snap and it’s going to happen. the thought of that keeps me so scared and stuck.
even though i really don’t want to kill anyone, it feels inevitable. like one day i’m going to snap and it’s going to happen. the thought of that keeps me so scared and stuck.
I know how you feel, we don’t have the same harm ocs but that’s literally how you feel too. I’m sorry your feeling this way your not alone in your feelings I hope you find comfort in that because we need that kind of community:(
those thoughts sound so terrifying to deal with. I'm sorry you're going through this. being trapped in OCD's grip is truly one of the worst things there is in life. there is something past this, I promise. i hope life feels easy again for you soon
Sometimes harming feels inevitable for me too but I have to remember that that’s just another trick OCD plays. It’s normal for it to feel very real, scary, like something you want or something you need to do even if you have no desire to do it. Just know that, even tho it’s so hard, every moment you have that feeling or urge you have to pretend you’re not scared. You have to try to stay calm and unaffected. Eventually your brain realizes it’s not what you really want and it won’t make you anxious. ERP treatment is extremely helpful with this as well. Stay strong!
@Kiki10 thank you so much this really helped! stay strong as well :)
Thank you! Keep in mind too that you know in your core that harm is not what YOU really want. It’s what OCD wants you to think you want.
Don’t worry it’s your fears trying to get at you :)
i think i gave up, every time i try to calm down, practice self-compassion or accept uncertainty something worse happens that seems to confirm my event. it feels too, too real even now, it's getting worse with each passing day. i'm really scared, it's hard for me to enjoy the few good moments i have with everyone because now i'm convinced that i'm a horrible person, i know everyone will hate me when they find out, i feel like i'm lying to them. i'll lose everything. i feel like my life is genuinely ending, i'll lose all the good things i worked hard for.
I cant get over this thought that is messing my recovery up so much. it was “if you dont act on your thoughts this will never go away” which led to thoughts like if i even wanted to get better, if i even want my life back, if i even WANTED this to go away, etc. im scared. im confused. is this normal? am i gonna have to act on this stuff now? im mainly concerned about my family. i dont wanna hurt them. this disease is horrible. this subtype is horrible. i love my family. why would i want to hurt them? im so afraid this is it for me. i try to do what everyone tells me. ignore the thought, let it sit, sit with the uncertainty/discomfort but the anxiety doesn’t go away. this thought keeps coming back with a vengeance. i thought i was making great progress but im back where i was. i ruminate about this 24/7 and i dont know how to stop. we tried sitting on the couch together last night and it felt like i was RESISTING hurting them. im in constant awareness that i can act on these anytime and it hinders my daily life and work so much. everytime i talk to anyone in my family i feel things like i shouldnt be talking to them if im gonna hurt them and i dont deserve to be around them. i feel like i dont deserve to be alive, i dont deserve to be happy, and i dont deserve to be comfortable. i feel like a psycho whos never gonna get to live life with a husband and family. i feel like i don’t deserve my sweet boyfriend. i dont want my thoughts to latch onto him. this is my mind when i wake up, when i try to go about my day, and when i go to sleep. it feels like it just wont dissipate regardless of what i do. the cycle never ends. its been 4 MONTHS. what the fuck do i do anymore
I’m scared I keep thinking this over and over that I’m gunna hire a hitman on my brother what if I do like I’m a bad person how can I be normal with him this is probably my worst harm thought and it feels like I truly will do it I’m just “ holding back” :(
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond