HOCD

literally feel like i can’t live anymore. everything i was ever excited about or looking forward to in the future seems like it’s shattered. I feel like i must be lying to myself and i must want this and OCD is bringing in false memories AND combining with real event. this is one of the worst flare ups of any sort of OCD i have ever had. literally cannot get through a day without ruminating, bringing up scenarios and checking how i feel. feeling guilty because i am anxious about what if im just a homophobe? this is absolutely terrible, i can’t day dream or think about having a relationship without it immediately being shattered by an intrusive thought image or feeling. just don’t want to live anymore honestly.

Username: Todd James Todd James

Date posted: 38w ago

Hey! I've been there before and I can relate to how horrible it is. Here a bit of hope though, I'm currently not in the state which proof that you can get through it. A lie that OCD tricks us into is "this will last forever" The depression that comes along with OCD is difficult but it's also often a side effect of OCD. The most important lesson I had to learn is "what I resist, persists" I have to allow every thought, no matter how insane it is. Whatever you can do to not push against the thoughts will probably help. For example answering with "maybe, maybe not"

Username: ocdhaver_123ocdhaver_123

Date posted: 38w ago

@Todd James thank you very much for your words of encouragement! i’m so happy that you have found some comfort and coping mechanisms!

Username: PreenaPreena

Date posted: 38w ago

Hi! I may have some advice. The only way I got rid of it was to accept uncertainty. I was going through a whole crisis about this, and then when I heard about hocd and I forced myself to stop, breathe, and accept. This is not something you have to figure out right now. You have years and years ahead of you to find out if you are, why think about it now? It's the OCD which is forcing you to find out. But you can section this part of your brain off, as just OCD it's not real, you can be okay with whatever it ends up as

Username: ocdhaver_123ocdhaver_123

Date posted: 38w ago

@Anonymous The figuring it out part in the future is the only thing i’m not resonating with; but I do agree with accepting the uncertainty. I think the “years and years to figure it out” leaves a part of me open to falling into a spiral. It’s more about there is not a 100% answer to the question now or ever. No one will ever be able to figure it out for sure, and I need to learn to live with that. But I appreciate your advice!

Username: PreenaPreena

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous Oh okay that's fine, it's different for everyone! I can see why it may be interpreted that way. But yes, it's really difficult but one thing that helps is saying 'maybe, maybe not' to help with the uncertainty. I really hope you get better!

Username: Idk

Date posted: 5y ago

I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Whatabtme

Date posted: 3y ago

Any words of hope? My sexual orientation OCD has not let up for like a month straight. Every second of every day I am ruminating and thinking to myself I'm such a fraud, my boyfriend deserves better, I'm ruining everything :/ Makes me wanna cry but I have no tears just feel numb at this point. I honestly can't remember not feeling like this and I'm afraid it's gonna last forever.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: florence18

Date posted: 3y ago

Really struggling at the moment with sexuality OCD, getting to the point where I’m constantly on the verge of tears, I’m avoiding watching movies, Netflix series, scrolling through Instagram and tiktok. I’m 18 and everyone around me seems to be bi, but I’m so scared I’m not attracted to guys anymore. I want children and I have always wanted to be with a guy, now I can barely look at anyone and I can’t even think about being in a relationship. My brain is like ‘your lying to yourself’ ‘what if your gay’ etc. I can’t do anything anymore, I just want to hide and curl up. Anyone else feel like this.. I’m scared I’m in denial or something, I have never been formally diagnosed but I’ve had so many other themes, I’m scared it’s not ocd and I’m using it as an excuse.. I just want to go back to normal

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