I can’t forgive myself

I did something 5-6 years ago when I was barely an adult, and I know it was stupid, but I know I can never take it back, and I hate myself everyday for it. I feel like I can’t move forward in life because I can’t forgive myself and honestly sometimes don’t even want people to see I exist. I haven’t done that same thing in years but I still see myself as a horrible person. How do I move forward. I’ve been in therapy since I was 19 and also have extreme extreme checking ocd and it hasn’t helped but this rumination has been a big problem lately.

Username: icanttakeitanymoreicanttakeita...

Date posted: 36w ago

I worry people will find out about what happened and never wanna talk to me again. I’m worried I’ll have no one because they will all hate me. I don’t tell anyone it happened because I think it would ruin my life. I don’t know if this is really true or not, but I can’t take it anymore.

Username: Lilly1234Lilly1234

Date posted: 36w ago

@icanttakeitanymore I have also felt this way before, I ended up telling a couple of my close friends and everyone was accepting - i think you are seeking reassurance? My parents don’t know anything I have done because I feel like that would hate me, but just telling a couple of friends made me feel better, and honestly if they don’t accept you for your past I would say they aren’t real friends.

Username: icanttakeitanymoreicanttakeita...

Date posted: 36w ago

@Lilly1234 I told someone, and I did feel better afterwards. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m feeling the type of relief I would after a compulsion, and I usually resist the compulsion of telling someone. I start thinking that maybe they secretly hate me even if they told me it was fine. I’m waiting for them to say “nevermind I actually do think you’re a bad person,” even though they were accepting and forgiving of my confession.

Username: Lilly1234Lilly1234

Date posted: 36w ago

I tend to focus on my past a ton, and I have made a lot of horrible choices. I think it’s just important to know who you are now and that you are working on yourself. 💖

Username: Book lover❤️Book lover❤️

Date posted: 36w ago

I think we all truly do things that as us right now we wouldn’t do that today. We all do things and don’t understand why we did it. It’s because our brain wasn’t fully developed and didn’t know boundaries, or we just did NOT know

Username: icanttakeitanymoreicanttakeita...

Date posted: 36w ago

@Book lover❤️ I always tell myself that because I was just entering adulthood like 18-19 that I should have known better, and that most people do know better, but I also know that it is true that my brain was still not developed no matter what a number says.

Username: collinmcollinm

Date posted: 36w ago

My past is horrible. I ruminate on every mistake I can remember. Maybe that's part of why I've gone through so many "themes". But those mistakes were made by a different person, not the person here today.

Username: icanttakeitanymoreicanttakeita...

Date posted: 36w ago

@collinm I think of the same thing but I am worried I am only making excuses for myself which I’m sure is a common thing.

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

How can I ever forgive myself?…

How can I forgive myself for the mistakes I made as a teenager (maybe 15 through 18 or 19 I don’t remember exactly) when at the time I had no bad intentions I just didn’t understand what I was getting into? How can I forgive myself for being so dumb? I should of known. But unfortunately now dealing with real event and other themes trying to find “proof” it’s so exhausting and unsettling especially when the worst case scenario about my self and my past comes up literally every day and I have to fight it with “maybe, maybe not”…when will it ever go away. Do I even deserve for it to go away? No matter who I’ve told whether it was a parent or a therapist they all say the same thing…….let it go……..how am I supposed to do that. I want to do great things in life. I want to make up for all I have done wrong. I want to help people but I can’t even help myself. I hate myself. I don’t even like myself at all. I would go back in a heartbeat. But I can’t. I’m stuck in this mental hell. Will I ever be ok again…….

Username: Jesse1982

Date posted: 25w ago

Help

I have compulsions I did 10 years ago because of my pocd that still haunt me today. How do I forgive myself and move on?

Username: giuseppe

Date posted: 24w ago

I need advice

When I was 12 I made one of the biggest mistake in my entire life. Last night, my brain decided to replay that feeling over and over again to the point of starting to hate myself for it. Now I can't stop thinking that I need to be punished for it, I should never be forgiven and that I am a bad person. My partner should break up with me because I am a bad person and they don't know about it so I don't deserve to be loved at all. I know, however, that I made that mistake a long time ago, that I am a completely different person and that I am a good person now, and that's what matters. But I can't get myself to forgive my past self because if I forgive him, that means I'm a bad person for condoning what I did. Do you have any advice on how to overcome this? Thank you in advance

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I can’t forgive myself

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