feels real

Struggling today with my thoughts and maybe some dissociation. I can’t get any clear thoughts. I felt like lately I’ve started to recover and then the past few days have felt so hard. I feel scared for the future. I am scared I don’t have enough hope for living with ocd. I am scared that I’m not gonna be happy. I’m scared I’ll chose to end my life over this. I’m scared I’ll want to end my life. I feel weird. My thoughts are jumbled today. Something feels like it’s going to happen and that’s what is giving me anxiety.

i had a really bad an intense real event obsession for the past two days like extremely anxiety and nausea inducing it felt like unbearable like i was panicking and going to die. but i woke up and ive been fine all day, my brain wont think, it just wont produce any anxiety-evoking thoughts or compulsions, why? like everything feels normal and even when i purposefully think about the obsession its almost like its muffled i dont feel any anxiety and its like my brain wont produce any thoughts around it, it just wont. i feel like an absolute faker. is this normal? what if this means its all fake?

I am so so upset and anxious right now. At this point I badly need reassurance as Im feeling a whole panic attack coming on. Has anyone ever had the feeling in their head and body like they are actually going to act on a terrible harm related intrusive thought like it actually feels like you are. Im scared as fuck i dont know what to do because What if i actually do that i am so scared does it ever feel like your on the edge of doing it and you get this whole intrusive urge in your body PLEASE REPLY please tell me experiences