- Date posted
- 1y
Identity
Am i not authentically straight if i choose to identify based on how i want to live my life and how i want to be attracted vs if i have attractions that fall into the category
Am i not authentically straight if i choose to identify based on how i want to live my life and how i want to be attracted vs if i have attractions that fall into the category
You may find this answer to be a little infuriating but you can be whatever you want to me. You don’t need to have an answer to this question. The thing that wants you to find the answer to this question only wants you to think that there is an answer, but there is no answer that is 100%. The best thing I can recommend is to acknowledge how those thoughts make you feel, ex.I acknowledge that these thoughts make me feel anxious” or “Yep, that could be true, I might never know the answer to that”and then try your best to move on. This is not like a cold that will just go away though. This is something that takes a lot of practice and I recommend finding a therapist trained in ERP therapy and looking into that
@Zoroarcanine I really needed to read that. I’ve had a really bad day today
@AmandaB345 I’m really sorry to hear that! I’ve had my fair share of bad days and I’m sure I’ll still have more. I’m glad this was able to help you and I really hope your day turns around!
@Zoroarcanine Thank you!! I’ve had about 3 crying sessions today. But I’m starting to comeback to me slowly
@Zoroarcanine Sexual orientation is not a choice
@Neytiri You’re 100% correct, and guess who loves that fact? OCD. I had a reoccurring thought during therapy that was: “People don’t get to choose their sexual orientation so what gives you the right to” While not definite for every case, I believe the majority of people who go through SO OCD, that identify as straight, are ally’s of the lgbtqia+ community, and I’ve found my OCD to love that. In the midst of trying to crawl out of the hole SO OCD puts people in, seeing the difference between choosing your orientation and knowing what you are feels like it is impossible to see. No one chooses their orientation but we also don’t need to spend hours trying to find the absolute right answer
Relate to this sooo much! I feel like I live by this reassurance sometimes and it helps for a bit but then I get awful feelings like I’m not fulfilled in life …that’s my worst symptom recently and then I worry that’s because I’m “hiding” my true self and I go round in circles in my brain …and I’m only anxious cause something isn’t right 🥰
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I am scared we just cannot choose. Sexual orientation is not a choice :-(
I’m trying to live with uncertainty but it doesn’t feel right. The “I may or may not be bi/gay” really sucks because I can’t stop ruminating, analyzing, or checking. This especially sucks because I feel like literally EVERYTHING in my life leads to the fact that I’m a fraud which feels horrible. I can’t even talk to my friends the way I used to without feeling like I’m lying about myself. The false attraction and loss of attraction to men is literally horrible because now I feel like the life i fantasized for myself isn’t something I want.
Hi everyone, I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just need to get this out of my head. Someone recently told me that maybe I’m bisexual — that I might be more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. That bisexuality is not 50/50. And ever since I heard that, I’ve been spiraling. The thing is: I don’t want this to be true. It scares me. I don’t feel romantic attraction to women, I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one. But yes, I get aroused by fantasies involving women — and that makes me feel broken or like I’ve been lying to myself. I love my boyfriend deeply, I don’t want to lose him. I want to feel fully connected to him, physically and emotionally. But now I’m stuck in this obsessive loop of questioning: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m not really straight?” “What if this is why my libido is low?” It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if this is OCD, anxiety, or if something is fundamentally wrong. Has anyone else felt this split — romantic feelings for one gender, sexual feelings for another? I feel so alone and scared. Thanks for listening.
I was wondering if this also happened to anyone. I grew up very open-minded and allowed myself to question my sexuality when I was younger. I explored feelings for both genders and attraction to them from afar, because I didn't have any friends or experiences to guide me through them. When I started dating, I was open to both but slowly and surely naturally phased out women. It always felt performative, like pretending to be upset they didn't respond, choosing who to be attracted to, and while present with them, wanting to back away or feeling a level of discomfort. When my SO-OCD started, these experiences made it very difficult to navigate the anxieties and intrusive thoughts. My thoughts often circled back to the idea that if I wasn't attracted to women, I wouldn't have tried to in the first place. This type of thought is like a Catch-22. On one hand, I am surveying my past actions or memories for any signs of true attraction or trying to pick at moments where I could prove that I was actually uncomfortable. On the other hand, the thought of being uncomfortable with a moment is tainted in my brain because of the idea that I could just be in denial. Any emotion I've ever had gets scrutinized in hindsight, making it feel like any way in which I feel is wrong. SO-OCD has been particularly difficult because of the fact that I've never been pejorative towards being queer or the LGBTQ+ community. It goes against my own values whether or not I am actually queer or actually straight. I remember growing up in an environment (whether school, family, or friends) that was always lined with prejudice towards any type of outsider - OCD makes me feel ashamed for my own want to understand any group or background different from my own. Essentially, I wanted to know if that's also something that plagues others with SO-OCD. For me, no matter what side of the fence I fall on my OCD rewrites it as bad: Either I'm in denial and lying to everyone even though they already secretly know, or I'm a homophobe. Sometimes they even mix. It doesn't make any sense.
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