ROCD

i have what i think is rocd, at least many people here told me i do. im going through the worst period ever, my thoughts feel real, i feel like i dont have any feelings for my boyfriend, that i am in denial , that i am a liar, i cant remember how it feels like to love him, my memories with him are distorted. I feel like i never loved him and i was just coping , acting like i do because i could not accept the reality. I see many people saying that once they are with their partner they feel better but it dosent help, when i am with him i still have thoughts and horible feelings. i dont know what to do anymore. I have this problem for over a year and a half, and rn it feels the worst ever. Everything feels urgent and terrifyingly real. I keep thinking that maybe when the thoughts first started, I actually realized I didn’t love him — but I kept saying “no, it can’t be, I love him,” just to deny the truth. And now I feel like I’m only holding on to a false idea I created in my head. I don’t feel love, just pressure, panic, and confusion. I told ChatGPT that I feel numb next to him, I can’t imagine a future with him, nothing feels like it used to, and I’m scared I was only ever excited about the idea of love — not him. Please, I just want this pain to stop.

I need some opinions. I have had ROCD (I think) for about 1.5 years now and I have had crazy thoughts since then. Tonight I feel as if, if we were to break up I wld be happy and not care at all anymore

I am in love with my girlfriend I know it I feel it and think about it all day but I obsess over the fact I may hurt her or maybe I don’t actually like her and I’m only leading her on because I’m evil but I imagine our house in the future and our kids and it makes me feel so warm and good. But then I imagine me breaking her heart and I feel sick.