soocd or comp het/denial

Please someone leave any advice or similar stories. I had identified as bi and then had fears about my sexuality a few years ago, and decided on the term unlabeled to describe my sexuality to anyone who asked and it made me the most comfortable because i was confused about my romantic atraction and sexual attraction towards women vs men. Recently, seemingly triggered by pride month and people discussing comp het, while in a relationship with my boyfriend I have been dealing with fears of wondering if I'm really attracted to men at all or what attraction really feels like and being sexually aroused by explicit images of women I had seen by accident. I am worried that I am experiencing comp het or I'm in the wrong relationship or I'm going to hurt my boyfriend. I have also voiced all of this to him and he is there for me, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I have other anxieties about my relationship and worry if those are ocd related or not as well(such as worrying about limerence) but I'm just so terrified. I feel that just because I have ocd that doesn't mean I can have these experiences that other queer people actually have and it makes me worried that I coukd go years without ever knowing just for one day to know and my whole world to be flipped upside down. I'd rather die than for that to be my reality. Someone please leave advice or tips it's all so appreciated.

Username: MidwestmotherMidwestmother

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w ago

Sorry you're going through this. I also have really just come out of a year of SO-OCD and am seeing and thinking clearly now. It sounds like in the recent past you were totally comfortable with uncertainty in the sense you were open to relationships with men and women so you can and will get back to that. I'm not sure what suddenly clicked for me, but I realized the what ifs don't really matter. What if I'm actually a lesbian but happen to be married to a man who I am madly in love with? What if if somewhere on the spectrum? What if I'm a boring heterosexual woman like I always thought? It doesn't change the meaningful relationships in my past or how I feel about my husband. Anyone of us could wake up tomorrow or in 5 years and want something different. But it's the now that matters. Two discrete things that helped me (well three of you could therapy with ERP). I would literally mentally chant, maybe maybe not over and over to myself. Essentially, the fake it until you make it phenomenon. Also, I know rationally sexuality isn't binary or categorical and most of us settle on something to check a box. That ambiguity only bothers people with OCD. I hope that helps in some small way. PS relationships are hard because we are and ask our partners to be vulnerable. The risk of pain is always there. Also I've been with my husband for 13 years and some days and weeks the love is faint and some it is tremendous. That is normal too. Love isn't always going to feel like this all consuming thing. It can't. But I can see how that could seed doubt.

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 26w ago

thank you so much. knowing other people deal with similar issues helps me feel less alone, and an outside perspective is something that helps me too. I greatly appreciate it

Username: AnonymousestiAnonymousesti

Date posted: 26w ago

You’re not alone! I also say that I dont like to label my sexuality and I’m always scared that’s its because I dont want to only be “one thing” and because im super confused. I’m also in a relationship with a men and im so scared of actually living a lie and not being honest with myself just because of “fear” and waste his time and mine and destroy everything later on when its gonna be “too late”. But the person who answered you post is extremly right and I couldn’t have said things better. Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone!

Username: stxrmadsstxrmads

Date posted: 26w ago

thank you so much

Username: 13vera

Date posted: 35w ago

pls respond

i’ve (22f) been out as bisexual for almost five years and i’ve known i love women my whole life. I’ve always still been “attracted”to men but ever since i opened myself up to women it feels very different and more comfortable, but i am worried this is just because of men-related trauma. i feel like i am lying to myself either way if i call myself bisexual or a lesbian. I have a really hard time distinguishing how i really feel from my so-ocd making me choose a label for myself. I know i love women but it really confuses me if i still like men or not. Like i said this might not even be my ocd talking, just confusion lol. but the ocd is making me obsess over figuring it out. is anyone else dealing with something like this?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: mariamaria

Date posted: 34w ago

Sexual Orientation OCD

Hi! I am genuinely so happy and attracted to my boyfriend but cannot stop having extreme anxiety trying to figure out my sexuality. Some days I think I am sexually attracted to women and other days I don’t feel this way. How can I accept the uncertainty? Another part of this OCD is I obsess over what the queer community will think of me since I have limited experiences with women. I am so happy with my partner but the OCD is keeping me in fear of missing out. I keep constantly comparing myself to others and getting down that they have had more sexual partners. Seeing if I’m alone in this.

Username: stxrmads

Date posted: 28w ago

soocd while in a relationship

should I feel guilty for being in a relationship while struggling with my sexual identity and the soocd that comes along with it? what if I'm not actually attracted to men AND women/non binary people, but just women??? am I wasting mine and his time by trying to work through this while being with him? I've talked to him about this and he says he doesn't want to leave me and supports me no matter what conclusion I could come to, but I'm terrified that I'll come to a conclusion that means I have to leave him. I'm so scared, I want to be with him and have a life with him, but what if this is comp het and saying I'm unlabeled is denial or an excuse??? I love pride month but it just seems like the reason why this subtype has come back full force. any advice would be great 🧡

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soocd or comp het/denial

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