- Date posted
- 40w ago
Grief & OCD
TW: Parent loss My OCD has spiked since losing my mom in March. Like my nesting is trying to find its new obsession to hold onto. Not sure how much more of this Iām going to take.
TW: Parent loss My OCD has spiked since losing my mom in March. Like my nesting is trying to find its new obsession to hold onto. Not sure how much more of this Iām going to take.
Sorry for your loss, my condolences š.
@777Q Thank you šš¾
Hi. I lost my mom in 2015. The grief was most intense during the first few years, but even now it lingers. My OCD spiked very hard after losing her and I didnāt know about treatment until after she passed. My condolences to you. It does get better, but the grief never completely goes away. Losing a mother is particular tough, especially if you are young and if you were close.
@Sunflower_93 Iām sorry for your loss. Thank you. Yeah, 4 months later the grief waves have been up & down.
I'm so sorry for your loss ššš. Losing a parent is truly one of the most difficult and scary things to go through. I lost my mom in April. Grief is not talked about enough and neither is OCD. It's so hard to find people who understand what it's like to experience both. Thank you for posting ā¤ļø
@Noemi ā” Thank you. Yes, dealing with both is tough.
*I meant brain not nesting. That was quite a wild autocorrect š¤¦š¾āāļø
Every day my ocd makes sure thereās a new reason for me to stay trapped in my mind rather than being the mom I want to be that my kids need. Instead iām stuck in my head depressed and pushing them away. The other day I was braiding my daughterās hair like I always do and her hair is really long so when I get to the end of the braid I can see her butt in my peripheral vision and I looked down and I immediately got upset asking myself why did I look down?(the ocd has made me question everything I do now). I know itās just because I was at the end of the braid and I just looked because I was already looking in that direction. A normal person wouldnāt even think twice about it. There was no inappropriate reason behind it at all but of course my ocd latched onto the situation and said I looked down because I wanted to look at her butt. I was so upset and said to myself āI donāt understand how the ocd started an intrusive thought because she was wearing baggy pants. I could understand if she had on tight pants and her butt was more noticeableā and the only reason I said that is because usually the only time my ocd starts intrusive thoughts telling me iām looking at my daughter in a wrong way is when she has on leggings or a crop top or bathing suit ect. Now my ocd twisted what I said to mean that I like looking at her in tight pants. Nooo! Thatās not what I meant but now the ocd wonāt stop trying to make me believe that. I donāt ever look at my children in any inappropriate way. I hate this. I hate ocd and I canāt live like this anymore.
Since I developed ocd as postpartum my ocd has mostly always targeted my kids. It started as harm and then switched to pocd. Both are equally very painful. For years I was mostly able to keep my ocd at bay but when it comes back itās so bad. I have a son and a daughter and my ocd switches back and forth from kid to kid with horrible intrusive thoughts and now even intrusive ocd dreams. With each thought I get past and start to feel relief another one pops right up. The thoughts feel so real and true even though I know itās just the ocd and not how I think or feel, the ocd always makes me doubt myself and question everything I think or do. I know other moms/dads go through this too. Please anyone who has or is going through this please tell me how you deal with this. šŖ
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasnāt even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldnāt email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry āwhat if he doesnāt in time and you canāt enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friendsā So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that Iāve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now Iāve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but āadmittedā to out of fear of going to hell. My mind wonāt let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be āvalidā ālogicalā or even inevitable. I feel like itās just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of āwhy plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of itā my mind wonāt rest without certainty being uprooted wonāt happen but certainty doesnāt exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
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