respond pls!! :)

hey guys, this is going to be long but i’m trying to heal and i really really would love advice. i’m looking for help with confession ocd in romantic relationships. my question is, how do i stop myself when i have the feeling “wow this is something i REALLY need to confess. no it’s actually important this time” even though the logical part of my brain is saying all it will do is probably cause an argument and isn’t important. how do you get past that feeling of “i HAVE to say this thing because they NEED to know?” that feeling of it being so important. another question is if you do confess and you struggle with false memory, i feel like a lot of the time i say “i might have” it “i think i…”. this feels unfair to my bf because he never knows what’s real and what isn’t and NEITHER DO I!!! most of the stuff i confess is from around 2 years ago, so small details i don’t remeber. false memories can also make literally anything feel real. so when i months later after confession remever the REAL answer (i DID do this when i said i MIGHT have) how to stop from RE confessing?? sorry this was so long but i’m really trying to heal and i REALLY need advice. thank you guys!!

Username: SmallSmall

Date posted: 20w ago

I just confessed to my husband that I thought his friend looked nice but all I did was hurt his feelings, it’s not worth it and now all I can think was why did I even say anything because I realised I didn’t even think it my brain just told me not to think it so I did. (So confusing I know) you’re doing it because you feel like you’re lying and you want it off your chest but you aren’t lying, all you’ll do is hurt his feelings or cause an argument my husband went to sleep and I’m sitting feeling awful. As for the false memories it’s not worth it either I just read a thing saying we all make dumb mistakes it’s probably not as big a deal as you think, think about how it’ll make him feel. Don’t do it, sit with the guilt it’s horrible but don’t feed into your compulsions. Wish I didn’t😔

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

@Small thank you so much. it makes me feel so much less alone to hear a similar experience (actually i’ve done the same exact thing) and puts it into perspective from someone else who’s struggled. i’ll keep that all in mind, i was able to not confess that thing so far

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

@Small may i ask what you do when you don’t know if it’s something you genuinely should tell your partner or not? ocd makes everything feel like a huge deal so that’s a lot of my struggle

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

This had been my biggest compulsion by far and did a lot of damage in my marriage. The answer is just don't do it. Write it down, wait it out. Talk to your therapist if needed/possible. Remember after a while all you're doing is dumping on your partner. Think about why you want to confess, is it for you or is it for them? Most of the time with OCD, it's for you, so don't do it to them. OCD makes you feel like this is urgent that you need to get it off your chest and come clean or tell them, but it actually isn't, and if you can wait it out until you get to the place where your OCD isn't screaming at you about it, you can make a rational choice.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

@Anonymous thank you this is so helpful. i was able to not confess that specific thing, i kept re reading these comments and trying to remind and tell myself it was just ocd.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 20w ago

@Anonymous may i ask what you do when you don’t know if it’s something you genuinely should tell your partner or not? ocd makes everything feel like a huge deal so that’s a lot of my struggle

Username: nicolemw

Date posted: 5y ago

Anybody else have a major problem with confessions in ROCD? How can I deal with the urge to confess every little thought to my boyfriend? It’s hurtful to him because I’m constantly telling him every minor interaction I’ve had that I can remember with another guy, telling him my doubts about our relationship, and lately I’ve even been telling him hurtful things I don’t even agree with as far as comparing him to people I’ve been with before and people I’m attracted to. It’s really wrong of me to say these things to him for the sole purpose of relieving my anxiety. Any advice?

Relationship OCD

Username: Coffeelover11

Date posted: 1y ago

Anyone else experience this?

Does anyone struggle with real event ocd and having to confess to their partner? I have so many regrets on things I’ve either done or thought and feel like I can’t move on or be better until I’ve been forgiven for them. Mostly things that happened a couple years ago and I don’t know why it’s all of a sudden bothering me now but it makes me feel like I’m the worst person ever. I’m even questioning how I thought or felt during that time and I’m confessing to thoughts or things I may or may not have done or thought. It’s so confusing and I feel trapped in my own head. If anyone has any tips I would appreciate it. Thank you for you time

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

pls help. should i confess?

i’m very aware that one of my main compulsions is confessing/seeking repentance, specifically from my boyfriend. however i can never seem to get past this one specific event from my past. to sum it up, i remember while having me time (if yk what i mean) i kept having random ppl that i know in my daily life popping into my head and sexual images of them kept coming in as well. i felt like i couldn’t fully control it which makes me think it was OCD and i didn’t know it at the time. however, a specific person that kept coming to mind is now standing out to me. i would be lying if i said he was not an attractive person, but i would never in a million years actually want to be with him in any way. i love my boyfriend with every fiber in me and i am confident i would never do anything to jeopardize that. the thing is that since i know i found him attractive at the time i am struggling with my intentions behind those thoughts i was having about him. although its out of character i wonder if it was real thoughts and not just intrusive. it feels like a cycle of me trying to figure it out and i feel so incredibly guilty at times over it that i feel as though i should confess this to my boyfriend. this happened over a year ago and this person is no longer even in my life but i still can’t shake it. is this something i would need to confess to him or is it just my OCD taking? also, something that feeds into my obsessing over this is that i remember distinctly trying to make sure i looked okay when i was around this person in the past. not in a way that i wanted him, but just that i didn’t want him to think i was ugly or anything. i don’t think this is uncommon to want to look good in front of an attractive person, but at the same time i wonder if i was seeking attention for the wrong reasons or something. it’s just so conflicting bc it’s very out of character for me.

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