Username: veinsoul

Date posted: 18w ago

it’s just hard.

it’s always like this. I get to talk to someone, we chat, then stop chatting or get very slow replies. but I can’t complain when I said that if I don’t reply, I’m busy or dealing with stuff. everyone has their life & no one is obligated to reply to me. I have learned that I really am just alone. I don’t want to force anyone or be obsessed. this goes for online friends. I only have 4. but they haven’t replied to me in days/weeks/months maybe. honestly, this has helped me not becoming dependent and wait for a reply like I used to. I would go on worrying for a while if someone wouldn’t reply for a certain time. I wouldn’t tell them ofc but I would become anxious. as for real life, I guess I can say 1. maybe 2 but one of them was a friend from elementary and we only met up once after sophomore year of high school. we’re now in college (actually, she graduated already) & have met up with her that day. we updated each other on our lives. it was nice, but I don’t think it was the same ‘best friend’ friendship we had as kids/teens. we don’t talk anymore. (only if I view her stories on instagram and say something) the other one I could say is half online/half real life. I met him online and we met irl a month in. he’s a good guy and honestly the first person that I like as a friend. someone I can trust, I guess. not fully, but definitely can be a lot of myself around. he’s been busy with life as well. he’s not obligated to reply to me. this one, I rlly like talking to but again, life happens. so I stopped being ‘excited’ for a response. in the end, it’s just me. my pain and myself. if I can’t make any friends irl (or maybe new friends online)(don’t get me wrong, I like the 4 online friends I have. they’re dear to me. they are just busy) at the end of this year during school, I will just give up. I tried before in my previous semester but it never happened. I am just going to accept my solitude. all I want now is either to not be here (sometimes), get a bike and ride by myself, or I don’t know. I don’t find anything appealing at the moment. sometimes there will be a spark but it goes out quickly. I genuinely do not see a happy life in the future. even after I told my dad of a ‘plan’ I had to retire early and keep learning in college to feed my curiosity, I just think maybe I’m not fit for living. I’m just tired. I try. I don’t find joy in many things anymore. it’s just not interesting. I just want to crawl up in my bed (as I am now) and move to a different place. I just want peace. will it be death that I find peace? or maybe living by a lake? who knows. life needs to let me rest.

Username: Jayra848Jayra848

Date posted: 18w ago

I feel u. I wish I had some good advice but I'm kinda in the same boat lol. Life is shit sometimes I know exactly how u feel

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 18w ago

@Jayra848 yeah. sorry you’re going thru the same thing. and it’s ok! no advice needed. just wanted to vent real quick on here. I hope it gets better for you. sometimes I see hope but it’s on and off lol. I will try to see if I can go out and eat by myself tonight. I haven’t done that in a long time. maybe something new to change up my usual routine. u can also vent if u need to. I’ll be glad to listen 🫶🏽

Username: Jayra848Jayra848

Date posted: 18w ago

@veinsoul I appreciate that. I hope everything goes well for u ❤️

Username: Brooke cookieBrooke cookie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w ago

Ocd can be very depressing and sadly it normal for people with ocd to want comfort from others all the time because they can’t get comfort from themselves, unfortunately. I am work on my ocd , I have gotten a lot better, but I’m still struggling with self-esteem and negative self image issues and depression but I’m getting better. I hope you start to get better to.stay strong

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 18w ago

@Brooke cookie I am happy to hear that you’ve improved. I hope you keep going at this and achieve the best out of this. thank you for your comment and encouragement. stay strong as well 🫶🏽

Username: lwc2003lwc2003

Date posted: 18w ago

You will get better, I promise. It’s the little things that will keep you going. You don’t need to be anyone or do anything other than be human and be yourself go for a walk. Try meditation, try a new food. Find things that excite you

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 18w ago

@lwc2003 srry, I meant to reply to this. I hope so. don’t know what I have to do to break out of this but I’m trying. thanks for your comment

Username: hanysm@gmail.comhanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 18w ago

I appreciate your openness about your friendships. It sounds like you do have friends, even if they don’t quite meet your expectations. Remember, it’s the quality of friendships that truly matters, not the quantity. As someone who’s a bit older, I can relate—I have only three close friends, and they all live far away. So, you’re definitely not alone in this. It seems like you might have high expectations for your friendships, wanting more friends or more responsiveness from them. It’s important to recognize that these expectations can sometimes be unrealistic and may lead to frustration. When it comes to OCD, remember that it’s fundamentally about control—trying to manage your thoughts, your life, and your surroundings. In this pursuit, we often forget that we can’t control the world around us, which operates independently of our expectations. The journey toward understanding this starts with self-reflection. The world is inherently flawed and imperfect, and it rarely aligns with our desires. It’s essential to accept that we can only control our immediate circumstances and ourselves. While it’s not an easy path, embracing this can help you build a healthier, stronger, and more content version of yourself. To expand your social circle, consider engaging in activities that interest you, such as:finding a new hobby, taking walks in nature, learning a new skill, or volunteering. These activities can help you meet others who share your interests, potentially leading to new friendships. Lastly, take a look at the responses to your post—they show that you have the ability to attract and connect with others. This is a wonderful foundation for building new friendships! Take care!

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 18w ago

@hanysm@gmail.com I really appreciate the comment. maybe I do have high expectations or maybe not. I don’t think so anymore. I just want human connection. that’s all. My 4 friends are online (1 being that I met irl twice) but even then, they’re not local. I always see people out with friends or partners and it just triggers me even more. it reminds me of what I don’t have. I have been without friends locally since 16. I’m about to be 22. one person I didn’t include was an old friend because I’m not sure what to consider them. We don’t have any problems ofc, I believe we don’t have that same connection we had as kids. but I feel like it would be rude not to include. I don’t feel as comfortable as I did when we were kids, if that makes sense. and I’m still young, so at my age, people tend to have friends around in college & I just don’t have it. I tried. I feel like I may have depression, social anxiety, OCD (not diagnosed yet) and perhaps autism. I think with these factors, I am unable to form friendships like the rest of my family members. I have been trying for half a decade already. I met many people online and many came and went. the one online friend I met was a needle in a haystack. so that gives me hope that I will find more of my people at the right place and time. I hope I can go out at some point. I feel like I have a lot I want to do. I have so much potential I could maybe even be a genius of some sort. I want to let the world know. I want to tell them my story. and I hope I get to tell them through my works alive, and not dead thru scheduled online posts. I am trying. I just wish I had local friends to hang out with irl. it’s been so long since high school. maybe I’m just dealing with trauma. I don’t know. I’m just scared of meeting the same type of people again. but I’ll keep trying.

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 18w ago

@veinsoul sorry meant to add because of a missed word: the one online friend I met in real life was a needle in a haystack ****

Username: hanysm@gmail.comhanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 18w ago

Hi there... First, don't compare yourself to others. Others might "appear" to be having allot of friends, and happy, but reality is the opposite. I mean tell me, who you might think is a girl with widest circle of men around her? I would say maybe the most promiscuous one, and I don't think this is you. So, don't compare you to them. You are special and treat your self as such. Here is an idea for you.. Do a YouTube or live about a subject you interested in, and invite people to interact on it, then have a Meetup in your area to discuss the issue you more... Yes, the problem is not you, it is the world around you, so don't make it your problem. You are just need and in search for the right vehicle to reach to your alike. I am sure you will be successful eventually. Do it and let us know the progress or the hurdles please. For now, go out for a walk and enjoy some sun. Have a great day 😊

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 18w ago

@hanysm@gmail.com Thanks for the comment again. I wish I could walk outside but it’s so hot that I’m uncomfortable. Definitely looking for fall to come as it’s my favorite time of the year. I try not to compare myself because I know comparison is the thief of joy. sometimes I just can’t help it. ofc, I shouldn’t assume but sometimes we slip up. when I feel triggered, I don’t feel hatred or anything bad towards the people I see. I am just upset that I haven’t been able to get to that stage because of my own struggles. There are many things I could say that sometimes lead me to wanting to rest for eternity. I’m just tired. I’ll keep trying but it’s just anxiousness, sadness, and a bunch of other stuff. Even right now as I’m typing this I feel so down. I don’t want to be at work & just want to curl up in bed & listen to music. again, thank you for your advice. I want to be healthy but it’s hard.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w ago

I just read your post (first day on this community) and I can relate to much of what you wrote. I am wondering if I truly have OCD (just had one appointment), but I get very hooked by thoughts such as you described about relationships, contact with others, texting or waiting, etc. I don't allow my mind to be at peace and get myself worked up about worries and what ifs. I can relate, just posting about that.

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 18w ago

@Anonymous hey, thanks for your comment & welcome!!! I’m relieved to hear that I’m not the only one & sorry you are going through this. I really do wish better days for you 🙏🏽 I hope you can establish some peace throughout this war 🫂

Username: sophie02

Date posted: 4y ago

I need a space to breathe and rant and get stuff off my chest so this is what I’m using this for now. I hate being angry. I hate it so much cause I always feel like I have less control over my thoughts and feelings and it makes me feel like I have no control over possible actions etc. which makes it really hard with harm ocd. But it feels like an endless loop, because my ocd is so frustrating it makes me angry, and that makes me feel less in control, so the circle continues. It sucks feeling like if anyone knew what it looked like sometimes inside your head, maybe they wouldn’t love you and they wouldn’t see you the same way. I feel so lonely and hollow that days. I have so many “friends” but they all make me feel more lonely, cause everything is so superficial and pointless and sitting with them just makes me feel like I need to withdraw deeper into myself because they don’t get it and they don’t really want to get it or care. I want to scream and cry cause I can’t control anything. I can’t stop the people I love from dying one day, I cant stop time, and I can’t keep things the same forever. I’m so tired of doubting everything about myself. Am I a pedophile? Am I a danger to my loved ones? Am I psychotic? Ya da ya da ya da. This endless anxiety I have it feels like it’s slowly killing me and it’s making me depressed. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept for two nights and I mean like at all. I forget to eat I get so anxious and either way I sometimes feel so nauseous I don’t want to eat. My family doesn’t really get it, to them ocd is always just an excuse, or it’s for drama. I have tried to ease myself into the idea that maybe everything is chaos. Bad things happen to good people everything has an end, etc. it’s much easier said than done. If life is an ever changing stormy sea of waves than I’m barely clinging onto anything.

Username: Lin__

Date posted: 4y ago

I cut my “best friend” off of 11 years this week. I have given her chance after chance to get better and she continued to treat me like shit. So I feel free from that, however my other best friend of 11 years stopped being friends with both me and the toxic friend just because I was still friends with her. I’m 20 and go to a community college and it’s been very hard for me to make friends even before the pandemic. I haven’t had any other friends outside them since hs and my hs friends honestly weren’t great to me either (we distanced, all of us) and of course I’ve looked at myself and considered myself to be the problem and blamed myself but even my therapist doesn’t think that’s true... but anyways. I’m here. Lonely af. Officially no friends. And the sad thing is I don’t know when I will have any. It could be months or years from now and I’m so focused on school... I have no idea if I will ever be happy with someone (like a vest or close friend) or even be in a relationship. Anyways this is what I’m going through and I’m feeling very alone

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Sad today

I'm sad about life things. I don't really have friends, but does that even really matter? And I don't feel like I've ever truly been heard by anyone, not even those with OCD. I know that people won't understand my struggles, but I still want someone to talk to about them, but every time I try to I always end up feeling unheard and hurt.

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