Im worrying about this again..

@rosepetaltears I was doing so good to omg..it gets worse when I’m at my dads. Pls help a gal out

@Anonymous Thank you for the advice, but not for reassurance or anything, do you think this IS verbal sa?

@rosepetaltears I don't know the exact context but the concept of telling a sexual joke near a child without thinking about it? no! I heard plenty of jokes above my age when I was a kid and that was not something that messed me up or anything :)

@Anonymous Alright then..I’m just scared cause what if I said it to them? Would that still not be verbal sa?

@Anonymous Like, if I said it because people at school said it and I found the phrase funny but didn’t have the intent to harm or any ill intentions, and said it to them. Is that sa?

@rosepetaltears I understand the fear. you just have to try and trust that you WOULD remember if you had done something wrong. I know that's hard, but false memory OCD wants you to just keep trying to remember something you did "wrong" until you can prove it one way or another. if no one has told you you did anything wrong, try your best to believe it.

@newton Thanks, but It’s just hard when a real event collided with a false memory. Like, say if I did say it to them, would it be verbal sa?

@rosepetaltears nah, just being silly :) but don't take it from me; believe yourself! you know you don't want to hurt anyone. trust in that

@newton Tysm. I know I don’t have bad intentions and would never be a culprit to COCSA because I’m a victim myself. It’s really hard to deal with this since there’s so much triggers. I get told I’m a good person by people but then that causes me to feel guilty, but at the end of the day I know in my heart I wouldn’t do that intentionally to harm. Ty! I just needed this and I get triggered at my dad’s since he makes my anxiety worse since I have trauma from him.

@rosepetaltears I know it's incredibly hard, I grew up with a dad who triggered me too and it gets harder when youre around those people. all the love and care

@newton Yes, it’s always triggering to and looking back before my OCD really makes me cry. But all we can do is make better memories in the future. We’re not alone. 🫂

Id like to add that cocsa is defined as "sexual activity" between two children. A thoughtless sexual joke would not count as sa at all in my opinion

@blehblehblehhhh Ah, okay..well it’s cause I saw how sa can be verbal to so then I was questioning myself and got scared. I had influence by people around me and said this joke..omg is this verbal sa

@rosepetaltears After I said it, I felt like it was inappropriate but I didn’t see it as sa and didn’t see it as harmful ..omg

@rosepetaltears I've read over your post again to make sure and I'd definitely say no, if the joke happened I'd say it was just a blurted out joke around the wrong person, I know it's hard but try to reassure yourself of this, you are not a bad person with bad intentions. I have to remind myself everyday dealing with ocd and the reminder is so true and important. with ocd it will always try to attack on the things you're most worried about and convince you that you're a monster that's why I was so relieved to see there was people like me out there with ocd

@blehblehblehhhh Did I do it?

@rosepetaltears Could you expand on that please? (Sorry I'm not the best at understanding )

@blehblehblehhhh Like, saying a sexual joke but not meaning it and just saying it cause you found the phrase funny and because people around you said it without thinking of the consequences or how words can scar. Is this still not verbal SA?

@rosepetaltears And of course not having the intent of acting on it and saying it because it sounded funny and didn’t think about what I said before. I question if I said it on accident or not but I’m scared cause what if I didn’t? Maybe I said it thoughtlessly? Idk. But is this verbal sa ?

@rosepetaltears I promise you it is not. Stuff slips out and people make dirty jokes I promise you're not bad for that

@rosepetaltears I've also said stuff that sounded funny in the moment around the wrong audience. People don't usually tend to remember the stuff ups like that in the long run

@blehblehblehhhh Tysm. My OCD will still question if I said it on purpose, but even if I did..sorry for the questions omg my ocd won’t quit but even if I did, would it be bad still even if I said it on purpose but not with that intent and just said it cause it sounded funny? I didn’t really think of the meaning of the joke.

@rosepetaltears I think if you're constantly questioning whether it was on purpose or not probably means you didn't mean it like that also dw about the questions, the whole disorder is confusing and I myself google everything that my ocd tells me so really don't worry about it

@blehblehblehhhh alright then, tysm. I know I’m not attracted to children that are way younger then me like that, which proves I’m not a p, and I didn’t have the intent to do harm or didn’t say it knowingly committing sa, which proves I didn’t sa..but I still worry. Any tips and any advice or any similar stories? My OCD was doing so good keeping the mindset of “verbal sa is intentionally, so you didn’t do it” but I still feel guilty cause it wasn’t good to say it still.

@rosepetaltears I mean, I know distractions work but the depression after the distractions are over is REAL. It’s hard for me to sleep and I noticed I only think about this when I’m at my dad’s. It’s really hard. What triggered this is watching my niece. I guess I had the memory or possibly false memory of me saying something inappropriate to my younger cousin? My friend that was there said it didn’t even happen and didn’t say it at all..but still like the details feel so real and I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake.

@rosepetaltears And it’s hard because I can’t trust myself, ykw? I know if I did say it it wasn’t a crime since it wasn’t intentional and didn’t make them uncomfortable..but I still feel so bad like my OCD won’t let this go at ALL. Pls help out.

@rosepetaltears I relate to all of that so much since my little sister was born my pocd has gotten more to me but im working on it genuinely I'm not the best with advice but I can definitely say if there's no intent to be sexual with a child you're in the clear and you're not weird. A p3do enjoys doing that to kids pocd makes you anxious about doing something wrong to kids and makes you avoidant usually. Plus I've found that looking through the nocd tiktok acc has really helped me and even just the pocd tag in general has made me realize I'm not alone (sorry if I don't make sense sometimes it's like 3am lol😭)

@blehblehblehhhh It’s alr lol!! Yea, I heard p3dos go to that memory and get pleasure from it instead.

@rosepetaltears Yes exactly, there's a key difference to note between pocd and p3dos, p3dos enjoy it and take pleasure in doing things on purpose and even try to be around kids to feel excited however pocd is pretty much the opposite, pocd makes you fear the thought, over analyze it and avoid kids in general sometimes. Intrusive thoughts always go against your morals and beliefs. If you fear that you are a bad person then rest assured bad people don't fear they're being bad, good people do

@blehblehblehhhh Yes, but I also fear being an assaulter (prepertator) but I also saw smth that said they know what they’re doing and do it to tease, make fun, or make them uncomfortable. And they do it with the intent, which I didn’t do! OCD will twist it , I already know, but I won’t let it affect those around me.

@rosepetaltears That's right, if you know it's wrong and truly worry about doing it then you're not one of those people

@blehblehblehhhh Can you see the new post I did? I just rlly need to know if I’m a p3do in another event im worrying about

@rosepetaltears I hope you get better! :( I’m 13 and deal with pocd and false memories and it sucks! I wish you the best 💕

@duckocd Tysm!! It’s always nice to see other people around the same age. OCD sucks honestly. And it’s been causing me to ruminate in class which causes me to not pay attention to what’s happening now. It’s really a disorder that screwed up my life and relationships with people. Wishing you the best to!! ^^

@rosepetaltears 💛