Is this cocsa?

@rosepetaltears Even if you did make a comment, it was clearly thoughtless and you know it’s wrong. People who are capable of sexual assault are not worried about doing it!! Please try to limit the crime shows and social media that broadcasts lots of crime. I recently discussed with my other group the effects that it was having on my OCD and how harmful it can be, look out for yourself!

@moez Yes, it’s because my parents watch it on cable so then I start panicking and it really triggers me honestly.

@rosepetaltears Maybe try leaving the room or expressing your discomfort with these shows! It’s worth speaking up about! You DESERVE to be comfortable and not triggered.

@moez Tysm. My family is in a difficult time rn atp we have to share a room. (Atleast with my mom, my parents are divorced but I have a step dad) sorry tmi😅 but yea I sometimes want to watch a movie with them and it’s a horror movie and it mentions something that just triggers me. It feels like triggers are everywhere. But thank you so much.

@moez Thank you so much. This is tm to deal with and just looking at kids my age just being normal makes me kinda envious. I would never wanna SA someone because I know how it feels. I’m actually going into therapy soon! So that’s good. It isn’t a OCD therapist but if the therapist doesn’t work out I’ll find a OCD therapist! Just hearing that calmed me down. I know reassurance makes it worse later but I just need to calm down sometimes because I’ll start aggressively shaking. Even my parents have noticed I’ve been acting not myself lately. OCD is torture I swear. I watch these videos from this channel named OCD and Anxitey and they help me out. I just want you to know that you are amazing and I just wanna verify, are you sure it isn’t verbal sa? I know the ocd might be talking when I say that but I question because I saw smth that says sexual jokes are sa so then I started panicking and thinking I’m a monster.

@rosepetaltears Feeling envious is totally normal, I often times still feel envy as an adult because of this same reason. I started showing symptoms at 8-9 so I really do understand how difficult it can be, but I promise the good moments in life are worth pushing through for! Would your parents be open to a discussion about your OCD symptoms? I am sure that it is not that! Let me give you some examples, many times when men catcall you if you say anything it’s often played off as “ oh it’s just a joke why are you offended.” In addition to that jokes sexual in nature are considered assault when it is made directly to harm that person, poke fun, or make them uncomfortable. Which YOU DIDNT DO! It is telling you your worst fears are true, don’t let it get to you!

@moez ohhh..now I realize I kinda sounded crazy. 😭 Thank you so much. I just couldn’t live if I knew I was some weirdo omg.. it was at the point I had to just watch movies like white chicks for weeks..and they don’t know it’s OCD but I definitely showed them signs. They are getting me in therapy. Also, one more question, in the memory I had it made me think I lied about it saying it to my friend cause I didn’t wanna make it seem like I said it to my cousin. Because I knew it sounded weird and I didn’t wanna be like that. But of course I didn’t know what I said could be seen as assault and stuff just found it a lil weird and realized what I said. Is that still not verbal sa?

@rosepetaltears I want to tell you about a strategy that I used in therapy that could be helpful until you’re able to go. It’s called “questioning the evidence. “ I will use your situation as an example to explain. So you have your intrusive thought “ what if I verbally hurt someone” The next step to this would be questioning the evidence behind that thought. Examples of evidence: Your friend said you didn’t say that There is no clear memory of it being said You have asked advice about the situation You wouldn’t worry about doing something like that if you were truly an abuser So we will take that evidence and apply it to our intrusive thought. When all evidence goes against our thoughts it’s likely not a realistic outcome, realizing your thoughts are just thoughts and not the person you are is CRUCIAL for OCD recovery. Sometimes when we break our thoughts down and truly think about the reality of the situation it’s easier for us to realize we have been catastrophizing. Question your evidence and ask yourself, is this really the reality or is this my OCD.

@moez I have a memory if it but it seems so real that’s what throws me off…cause it is real event but I can’t tell if I actually said it because it sounds so out of character and my friend says I didn’t

@rosepetaltears Listen to your friends! They were there!

@moez Okay, usually it’s my OCD second guessing, but even if I did it might’ve not been right, but it wasn’t assault right ? And I didn’t have any bad intentions and learned from it. I really hope ur right about it not being sa 🙁🙁

@moez Hello! I just wanna say, your advice works . I haven’t been worrying about it or doing anything about it for 2-3 hours ! I usually search up (one of my compulsions) and go to Reddit to see similar stories. luckily, I haven’t ! I’ve had thoughts about it but it didn’t cause me to get panicky! Tysm

@rosepetaltears Yay! That’s awesome! I’m glad it’s helping you out!

@moez Sooo..question. My OCD keeps on questioning if I said it directly to them or if I just blurted it out, how do I stop these questions?

@rosepetaltears Because I’m pretty sure if it happened I blurted it out not talking to them, but OCD is making me think I said it to them, which I think they were faced the opposite way so if I did say it they didn’t hear. But still feel bad because i shouldn’t have blurted it it out because it seems like I said it to them but idk…even if i did i know i met no harm but still

@Kumiakumia thank you so much. My dad said the same, I’m being to hard on myself. I didn’t tell him the exact story just told him I think I offended someone. I’m gonna get therapy soon so I can manage and be stress free because school is around the corner. ty for the kind words.🤗

@rosepetaltears You’re doing an amazing job 🌸you have a big kind heart young one so please don’t be so harsh

@Kumiakumia Do you have any tips how to not second guess and how to not feel guilty anymore ? Cause it might of not been illegal or anything but I feel it was inappropriate for me to say around a child. I’m not sure if I said it to them or not but still.🙁🙁

@Kumiakumia And it was the sexual joke “wanna tickle my pickle” I feel so terrible typing it out because I didn’t see it to be sexual and I think I just blurted it out. Sometimes I say stuff when I’m excited and I feel bad and a bad person. I didn’t realize what I said and didn’t mean it actually I just wanted to talk. I’m so horrible. Should I tell my parents what I said? I’m scared. Should I turn myself in? It feels like I did verbal SA which people are saying I’m not but I’m not sure..are yall sure?

@rosepetaltears Is this still not verbal SA? I’m so scared and I shouldn’t have said it and I think I didn’t but I feel like I did and I don’t even know if I did or didn’t..

@rosepetaltears Hey! I see you’re spiralling, Guilt is a natural feeling but for people like us it can really beat us down and leave us in a loophole. For some help or a little closure, I’m sure they don’t remember or didn’t think much of it at the time, even so you’re a kid and were a kid before, mistakes happen and you repeat things that were said around you. Like a sponge, you’re acknowledging what you did might’ve set something off or made someone feel uncomfortable. So no love, I don’t thing you verbally SA’d someone, esp someone younger and I say that with my whole heart, you’re a sweet kid so please don’t let things like this tear down because once you know it your grief, and disassociation will make you forget on things, it’s hard to act on, but moving on would be best. Take this as something to learn and I doubt you made anyone uncomfortable, you didn’t know them but knew now. Even if you felt like you knew better, if you did would you be grieving this hard? No, you just care a lot. And I’ve been on this earth for a while to know that. Don’t let your feelings be so hard on you.

@rosepetaltears Also, for tips of guilt i would recommend , 1- give yourself some grace, you didn’t know then and you know how, you’re so young and even so you’re knowledgeable now of your actions in the past, take this as a lesson to learn but when I say this don’t use it against you. Keep in mind that you learned a good lesson, not negative, not positive. You’re understanding of what you might’ve said . 2- don’t pick at little details When we pick at details we constantly wonder more, and create false memories or create more drama to the situation at hand. 3- be mindful That the person you believe was affected may not feel the way you do, guilt can always turn on us at our worsts to make it seem terrible for our mistakes. You did it, you learned, and you’re a new person. 4- allow yourself to grow If you keep up this mindset of having you be the bad guy, you’re hurting yourself though I understand if this particular mindset may affect you or trigger after this encounter. So please, give yourself grace 5- give Grace Instead of focusing your energy all on the worst outcomes, or possible “crimes” you could’ve commit, you feel bad right now the last thing you need to feel is worse. So allow yourself to get out of that comfort circle of beating yourself up constantly for the past, it’s easier said than done but as someone with extreme paranoia the most likely chance our fears become true is less than we think. Overall we have a chance at being better. So please allow yourself to step out the grieve circle to move on with your life. 6- moving on It’s hard to move on from guilt, but you deserve it even if you feel like your actions are “the worst” it truly wasn’t, and it’s not going to make it “worst” in the nearby future but only your mind portrays it that way, get up, continue with your day to day, give yourself a treat, some love and compassion even if you feel like you may not deserve it in the moment you do.

@Kumiakumia Last but not least, You’re a very sweet person, that I know because you’re on this app and telling strangers something you feel ashamed, a mistake wondering how we would feel based upon your mistake, when in the real world it’s actually not all that bad. So don’t knock yourself down! You’ve got a big heart, that I know.

@rosepetaltears Also No , you don’t have to confess or turn yourself into anybody, or anything because that’s a compulsive behavior that isn’t necessary

@Kumiakumia Tysm. I’m gonna get virtual therapy officially now maybe around next week and I just really needed to hear that. Hearing someone who doesn’t even know me tell me I’m a kind hearted person really proves my dad’s point. He said that everyone thinks I am and now I’m tearing up. I hate doing horrible things (well stuff I think is horrible) and this mental illness really just stresses me out because my mom has anxiety and she used to have panic attacks when we were young, and I inherited it sadly. Tysm. I don’t have that much social media bcs I’m scared I’ll get triggered and start the whole cycle again. This is probably the advice I need bcs I repeat random phrases I hear at school sometimes and I don’t even think about the meaning of my words. I remember after the event she still wanted to hang around me and didn’t seem uncomfortable and didn’t even hear what I said. OCD makes me feel like an outcast by other children. And I have to remember there was no sexual feeling and I’ll never NEVER feel sexual towards kids WAYY younger than me. I didn’t think what I said and didn’t know and can’t get mad at myself for something I didn’t know. Thank you. I needed this reminder esp in the morning since the cycle starts again.

@rosepetaltears So maybe that proves it didn’t happen since there was no weirdness after?? Idk. But even if it did, I’ll take ur advice. Tysm

@Kumiakumia Ty, but is it okay if I tell my therapist at least? And if I do will they get weirded out

@rosepetaltears Exactly, your intention wasn’t there and now you know your situation a lot more better, but I think you are being too hard on yourself and yes it’s okay to tell a therapist, they shouldn’t be too hard on you! I understand the parental mental health issues a lot, you got this. Social media can be triggering for people like us, but it’s nice to know people do accept us for even mistakes that we think might be bigger than it is. Good luck!

@rosepetaltears I use to have the mindset “if this happens, I gotta off myself” and now what you said, I realize it wasn’t that bad. I’m just not used to saying stuff weird or anything bcs I’m not a bad kid and rarely get in trouble. But OCD has made me feel terrible for stuff I’ve done, but this one really stuck out to me and I worried about this one more. So thank you 😊

@Kumiakumia You’re an amazing person, I just want you to know that. You changed my whole perspective and honestly had better advice for me. Before I got this app, I was calling suicide hotlines and stuff (made me stressed more) but this app has just made me feel less alone. Tysm and you’re amazing and you aren’t a bad person, take ur own advice !😊

@rosepetaltears Thank you, I’m doing my best 😊and so are you, good job

@rosepetaltears Also, the suicide hotlines stuff also makes me feel worse! They used to be good, but they’re just hiring anyone nowadays

@Kumiakumia yep, tell me about it. She didn’t even acknowledge everything I said and I was scared she was gonna call the police to take me to a mental hospital..it’s wasn’t the best experience. Anyway, we got this and we can beat OCD!😊

@rosepetaltears Agreed