Been really worried about this lately. Having a huge identity crisis and worried that i’m just a shell and what if I just take the identities of people around me? I’m scared
Jesus Christ loves you Dalia. He’s waiting for you to call upon Him. In the Bible it says in Psalm 139:13-14 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well”. Go to Christ for he knew you before your were in the womb. He loves you.
I’ve had a very similar obsession before about the exact nature of my identity. It’s an area ocd likes to focus on because there’s a lot of uncertainty, there isn’t any way to “measure” how much of you is unique or yourself as opposed to influence from other people. That allows OCD to mess with those uncertainties and make you worry about the worst case scenario. Exposures can help you get more comfortable with the fears, often for things like this a written exposure will be used. For me it just took time and gradually getting more comfortable with the idea that I can’t know the exact nature of my identity, but it was very hard and stressful in the meantime. Keep going and you things will eventually get better.
I don't know what's real. I don't know who I am, I don't know if everything I believe is made up, all my emotions, my memories..it feels fake, I'm stressed the fuck out because I can't even tell if my past is real
Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
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