Would you consider this as SA?(Not OCD related)

For context the age of consent where I am is 18. So I was on grindr me being (16) and was going to hookup with a guy who I thought was (21). Now I know this was an incredibly dumb and illegal decision as I have dealt with the consequences of it. I was feeling so low in my life and struggling with family matters and other people my age used drinking or smoking as an out although for me I hooked up with guys as my out. At this time my anxiety disorder and ocd were at an all time high and I had no therapy sessions to help keep me stable. I also dealt with my toxic family everyday more and more. So then I hooked up with him and after we were done and chilling in his car he asked “What if I told you I wasn’t 21” and of course I’m like what the fuck (he knew I was 16 and even hearted my message of me saying that) I ask him multiple times what he meant by that and to clarify on his real age and he quoted my Bio on Grindr which was “no older than 21” inferring that he knew and lied to me about his age because of my bio limit which is disgusting. He tells me he’ll tell me his real age on two conditions, the first being I give him $7 for gas and the second I meet with him again I said yes not meaning it just to get him to answer and gave him the $7. He then told me he was 27. I was like what the fuck? you lied to me and he played innocent sarcastically “what are you talking about” you told me you were 21 and not 27 and he said “haha typo” like what the fuck. Of course after I felt absolute shit and garbage because he manipulated me into sleeping with him when he was 27 and not 21 and also extorted me for money. I feel disgusted and used with myself. I reported this to the ER and got checked there and reported it to the police after although nothing has been done and it’s been 3 weeks. I just don’t know what to consider the situation as. What would you consider it as? This caused me to go into a three day depression in which I could barely function. If I had known he was 27 I would not have slept with him or consented.

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 17w ago

This story fits the definition of statutory r*** and grooming if the adult's intent was nothing but sexual to you. You were a minor and they were an adult that for some reason lied about their age. They used you, took money from you, and you mentioned he wanted to sleep with you. What this person did is extremely illegal and it's enough for them to be on a sex offender registry.

Username: pandaluvrbrpandaluvrbr

Date posted: 17w ago

@BigGyro09 Thank you I had someone on reddit reply to my story and say that the other guy did nothing wrong nor illegal and completely glossed over his doings completely.

Username: æemoniæemoni

Date posted: 17w ago

@pandaluvrbr @pandaluvrbr Don’t listen people who tell such awful things if you’re felt this way then it clearly abuse when someone have those grooming behaviour and controlling about sex plus manipulate a minor don’t let people invalidate your trauma ❤️‍🩹

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 17w ago

@pandaluvrbr That's ridiculous!!! That man was a grown adult that took full advantage of a teenager and didn't have a care in the world. That man did more than just sexually assault you and that's very very wrong. Please don't feel like this is your fault in any way shape or form. The responsible is on him. I'm sorry someone told you that. What happened to you is serious and you are not at fault.

Username: Eli^NEli^N

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w ago

I'm really sorry you've gone through such a horrible situation-- reading this story got to me. It makes me sad because it sounds like you've been going through a rough time and encountering him only made things worse and more complicated. I'm glad you sought medical care afterwards and contacted the police. I hope something comes of the latter and he faces the consequences of his actions. He is a real threat as he is misleading ppl online and has no qualms about hooking up with ppl underage. As to your question, imo, I would consider it SA-- he was aware of your age (didn't care), pretended to be younger to gain your trust and his actions have caused you psychological distress. What he did was unethical imo and I hope he can't ever do something like this to someone vulnerable. I wish you the best.

Username: pandaluvrbrpandaluvrbr

Date posted: 17w ago

@Eli^N Thank you I’ve had a people read about my situation and say he did nothing wrong which completely invalidates my feelings and struggles with this. I appreciate your wishes and the insight you gave me.

Username: lb07lb07

Date posted: 17w ago

it’s definitely statutory rape.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Real event ocd regret

So I have a confession to make. I was raised very strictly so I had barely any access to social media, no friends, no social interaction. I was smart, but it really made me lag behind when it comes to social situations. When I was 18, I befriended a 14 year old that became one of my closest friends as we were in the same sports club. We hung out together everyday and he was my first ever friend that made me feel special. I was raised with an abusive dad so he made me feel very safe. One day, I ended up kissing him. (He has kissed multiple people and been in Relationships before but because I was a man child this was my very first kiss) it was like those first kisses you see in movies. Pretty brief like 4 pecs. I just loved him as he saved me from my depression. At that time, I had no idea that a 4 year age gap was weird and inappropriate. We only kissed that one time and we never talked about it until I remembered after 3 years. I was essentially a person with no access to social media no idea about relationships I just assumed it was ok because he was my friend. Around 3 years after the incident, I got access to social media and hear people saying people like me are pedophiles. I regret kissing him very much and even asked him if I hurt him, and he says he loves me as a friend and that I never did.(he is still very close to me). I still feel like a predator that I kissed someone that was 14 and I was 18, I attempted suicide multiple times, racked up over 100k in emergency and medical bills and therapy, but I feel like the only way is to end my life. I asked multiple lawyers if the kiss was legal, they all say it’s legal but I still don’t think I deserve to live. I’m mad that I was raised as this socially isolated loser. If I wasn’t, maybe this would never have happened. I want to hear the opinion of Reddit, am I unforgivable ? By I didn’t know the 4 year age gap was weird, I was complete socially isolated never even knew how relationships work, didn’t know about age of consent and stuff nothing. I essentially came out from the jungle. My worst fear is that I will go on the sex offender registry and my life ruined. I think I would rather die before that happens.

Real Events OCD

Username: Lucywilefire

Date posted: 1y ago

Was this rape?

I kind of concluded that this event that happened when I was 6 was rape but now my ocd has latched onto whether it was rape or not or whether I was responsible for it. My mom left me with this baby sitter who's kid was 11-14 and he was a sociopath i swear. I remember he'd constantly ask me to kiss him and I'd say no whenever I could and he'd like badger me and I would do it because I was scared and he knew this. He tried to make me give him a bj and I'd keep saying no and he was like "otherwise I won't be your friend" or other things. Either way I was really scared of him and I think it was fairly clear I was scared. This other time he made me have anal sex with him saying other wise ghosts will come and hurt me and I was like 6 and believed it. He also said he'd kill NY parents or hurt my parents if I said anything so I didn't. The whole thing felt super coercive and he'd generally bully me or scare me in ways. My ocd is like well you shouldn't blame him it wasn't rape and it wasn't sexual coercion but I think at 12-14 you know not to force six years Olds to do things and the fact that he threatened me means he knew it was wrong but my ocd is latching onto this.

Username: OCDeeznutzzz

Date posted: 42w ago

Please help me

I have real event OCD as well as scrupulous OCD A couple years ago I was hanging out with my friend and he had a girlfriend at the time. He kissed me and I didn’t stop him but I didn’t really want to do it I just have a fear of setting boundaries due to past trauma. In an effort to say no he was about to have sex with me and I said I didn’t want to have sex without a condom but he did anyways. I felt really gross and violated afterwards and I told some friends what happened they said it was SA but now I’m convinced that I actually wanted it the whole time and I’m putting the blame on him so I don’t have to cope with the idea that I homewrecked a relationship and now have convinced myself I have NPD. I hate this

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Would you consider this as SA?(Not OCD related)

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