Suicidal ocd

Hi guys! I have had a really rough couple of days. I got really triggered and it has stuck around for a few more days than usual now. I have this overwhelming feeling of giving up and i even feel relief from it at times which is scary, but it goes COMPLETELY against my value system and i dont think i would ever end my life because it means way too much to me. my compulsions have been trying to convince myself of reasons why life is beautiful but i have been so overwhelmed by thoughts that i cant do this. i really dont want to die!! so why is my brain filling with these thoughts to just give up? Anything helps <3 I have therapy tomorrow thank GOODNESS

Username: ToriP087ToriP087

Date posted: 9w ago

Hey Haley! Completely understand, I'm experiencing similar ocd thought patterns as well, causing much distress and panic recently. You're not alone, and I know we can learn to accept these discomforts just like before, it's just going to take time, patience, and practice with acceptance and reminding ourselves of our values, which is to live! It does bring me comfort i'm not alone in this. Hang in there!

Username: djfloriodjflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9w ago

Suicidal OCD conquerer here. I understand your struggle. To answer the question of "why," you're experiencing what's known as the "ironic process." This is a studied phenomenon of the brain where trying to suppress a thought causes it to arise more often. Every time you try to get rid of the thoughts or disprove them in any way, you only signal to the brain that the thoughts are important. The parts of the brain responsible for these repetitive thoughts are not logical. They evolved in us well before humans had the ability to form language and logicical reasoning. Therefore, what you have to do is SHOW yourself that these thoughts aren't dangerous through experience. Your goal isn't to get rid of the thoughts or the anxiety. Your goal is to stop caring about the thoughts, and the way to do that is to prove to yourself that you can handle the anxiety. At the end of the day, we do compulsions because we don't want to feel anxious. That's literally it. We just don't like the physical feeling of anxiety. That's why mindfulness is brought up so often in OCD/anxiety treatment. We practice being in the present moment, with our present experience, no matter what it is. Take a few minutes each day to allow the thoughts to be there without judgement or resistance, and simply notice how the anxiety feels in your body. Really try to feel the anxiety and be aware of it on a physical level. Your thoughts will try to add a bunch of context and stories to the feelings, and that's ok. Let them be and just keep focusing on your body. Over time, you will come to understand that you can handle the physical feeling of anxiety. And you will realize that the resistance to the thoughts is what makes the anxiety worse, not the thoughts themselves. As this realization gets stronger, your fear of the thoughts will lessen. You'll care about them less, and feel less compelled to resist them. They will then arise less often because they'll be stripped of their importance. You can't force the thoughts to go away, but you can plant the seeds that will eventually remove their power.

Username: haleymoriartyhaleymoriarty

Date posted: 9w ago

Also these thoughts make me SO ANXIOUS i think they go against what i want but then why😭😭

Username: haileycole22haileycole22

Date posted: 9w ago

hey haley! i’m actually a newbie at this and these are some things i experience as well. it is very hard, and debilitating at times but we do have to remember if it gives us these feelings of anxiety and fear then most likely we don’t want to do the thing that our brain is telling us. maybe we can exchange social medias? that way we feel like we can be there for eachother! because this is really hard

Username: haleymoriartyhaleymoriarty

Date posted: 9w ago

@haileycole22 omg i would love to!! my insta is @haleymoriarty if u want to chat on there! this is so hard i agree

Username: haileycole22haileycole22

Date posted: 9w ago

@haleymoriarty it’s not pulling up for me! Maybe you follow me first and i’ll just follow you back?? @haileycole_

Username: holytropical!

Date posted: 5y ago

(PLEASE HELP IM BEGGING!) Hey guys, right now I’m having suicidal OCD and it’s really fucking scaring me because I know I want to live but it’s feeling like I’m going to end my life any second or any day now and that I’m going to die soon, and I’m afraid that I’m going to come up with a plan and go through with it, or say fuck it, I don’t care about recovery, be selfish and just do it. I’m SO scared I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if these are real suicidal thoughts or just my OCD attacking me and I’m genuinely scared for my life. It’s like every second of the day I get a stupid intrusive suicidal thought and it makes me feel like I’m really suicidal and that I don’t want to live anymore, for ANYTHING positive I hear, I twist it and make it negative and tell myself, you’re going to die soon, or you’re gonna kill yourself anyway, you don’t have a future, you don’t care anymore. I even feel a lil bit down and sad when I get these thoughts and I start to feel depersonalization, I almost feel depressed when I get these thoughts all day and it makes me feel like I’m genuinely gonna get depressed and the suicidal thoughts will become REAL I’m so scared. Even when my parents tell me that I’m going to be ok and not do anything, I tell myself in my mind that I’m still going to go through with suicide and just kill myself. I don’t have a set plan and I’m afraid that I may develop a plan and want to go through with it. IM SCARED FOR MY LIFE! IM SO FUCKING SCARED PLEASE HELP PLEASE! Anyone that has gone through this PLEASE HELP! Going into a hospital won’t help because I’m not ACTUALLY suicidal but these thoughts make me FEEL like I am and it’s just SO confusing I don’t know what’s real and what’s not!!! PLEASE HELP ANYONE!!!! I’m so fucking scared ??

Harm OCD

Username: Rozzie

Date posted: 3y ago

To my peeps with suicidal ocd... How do you let the thoughts be?? I find myself saying I don't need to figure it out yet ruminating on it all the same moments later. How do I let it go, OR how do I stop letting it rule my life like it has for the past year? And also, is it helpful to have the same routine every time the thought pops in your head, like the same thoughts or something?? It's been hard, but I'm still here, and I don't plan on going anywhere, but I would like to feel better, calmer, happier and less worried, I guess. If anyone could share their own tips with me, that would be great.

Username: Aislinndest

Date posted: 1y ago

Does this sound like ocd?

I can’t figure out if I’m really suicidal or just obsessing over the thought of it. Im to scared to even do it. I don't know if this is my OCD or what but for the past week or so it's been really bothering me these thoughts that I am on edge, scared. I haven't eaten in 3 days. I have imagined every single way of doing it, and everything and it makes me SICK. It feels like an urge at this point. I start to feel like maybe I could actually do it, then I feel myself about to go into a panic attack. I already feel derealization where this world doesn't feel real and nobody seems real to me, and my family feels like strangers and I'm just really scared. I feel very scared. I don't physically feel like I'm "here." I feel like my mind is lost. I feel like I just want to be at peace and then I think I’m seriously suicidal and the cycle just keeps repeating itself. Im sick to my stomach and terrified.

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