Anonymous
- Date posted
- 48w
please help
how do i snap my self out of a suicidal ocd episode? it’s constant thoughrs i feel scared and hopeless. i just want to be better, any suggestions help
djfloriodjflorio
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 48w
In regards to ERP (you mentioned in another comment that it isn't available to you), just FYI this website/app offers therapy over telehealth, and from my experience it is good quality. If that still isn't an option, you can still get familiar with the basic concepts of ERP and mindful-based techniques. Here's the first thing to understand: your thoughts aren't the problem, and neither is the anxiety. These OCD spirals are fueled by our resistance to those things. We don't like the thoughts, and we don't like the feeling of anxiety, so we do whatever we can (compulsions) to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Ironically, this causes more intrusive thoughts and more anxiety. The foundation of ERP is to teach yourself to allow the thoughts to be there, and simply feeling the anxiety that arises without resistance. The reason this works is that it actually demonstrates to yourself that you can handle the anxiety, and that the thoughts are not at all dangerous no matter what they are. Over time, this slowly makes the thoughts seem less important, and you naturally care about them less. As you care about them less, they produce less anxiety, and you don't feel the need to compulsively get rid of them. Here's an exercise you can try on your own: Once a day, set a timer for 5 minutes. For those 5 minutes, make it a goal to allow whatever intrusive thoughts arise to be there. Maybe even write them down on a sheet of paper, without altering them in any way. During this time, you will likely feel quite anxious, and that's good; that's what you want. As the anxiety arises, simply focus your attention on your body, no matter what your thoughts are saying. Anxiety physically presents itself in different ways to different people, and this is your chance to learn how it presents itself in you. Maybe your chest feels tight, your jaw is clenched, your stomach has that "sinking" feeling, or your face feels tingly. Whatever it is, simply notice it without judgement. Recognize that this is nothing but your body preparing itself because it thinks it's in danger. For the last few minutes, see what you can change about your posture or your breathing, and how that might affect the anxiety. Again, you aren't trying to "get rid" of anything, you're just experimenting. What if you relax your shoulders a bit more? Or your jaw? What if you put your hand over your chest and feel its warmth? What if you slow your breathing down? Do any of the anxious feelings change? After the 5 minutes are up, reward yourself with something pleasant. Watch a show, play a game, eat a snack, whatever. Try that out for a while and see if you start to notice any benefits. Hope this helps.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 48w
@djflorio i will try that it’s kinda scary to me tho because i don’t like feeling or having the thoughts i jjst wish they would all go away and not come back but i know that i have them so i have to fix them
Endlessly PonderingEndlessly Po...
- Date posted
- 48w
I am sorry you are going through this. This theme has tormented me on and off for a while. ERP and resisting compulsions is so hard, but it’s the key to getting better
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 48w
@Anonymous the only erp near me is 4 hours away and costs $400 for 3 sessions which i don’t have the best amount of money but thank u sm for the advice i’ll try not to do compulsions sm
Endlessly PonderingEndlessly Po...
- Date posted
- 48w
@Anonymous I can give you some ERP exercises my therapist gave me if you want
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 48w
@Anonymous if you don’t mind i would love to know some
Endlessly PonderingEndlessly Po...
- Date posted
- 48w
@Anonymous My therapist has me writing “ I want to die” and “Suicide” over and over and resisting compulsions the entire time. Standing next to the train or holding a knife and resisting compulsions. The key is resisting your compulsions while doing your exposures.
telomerestelomeres
- Date posted
- 48w
I listen to really stupid music. Like, stupid stupid. I don’t know if it would help you, but something that has a musical pattern (or lacktherof!) helps me focus on something other than my thoughts, and added humor gets me to laugh a little. Idk, sometimes the jarring switch between what’s going on in my head and what I’m choosing to listen to is enough to snap me out of it. One of my favorites and go-to’s is lil big stacks toilet time 2, specifically the song “farts in my butt.” Also, “my superhero movie” from the teen titans go movie. This might be completely unhelpful but it usually has a 70% chance of lifting my spirits by some degree. I hope you feel better soon, but do know it does and CAN get better!!!
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 48w
@telomeres thank you so much it actually makes sense what ur sayin bc when last night it got so bad i can’t even remember much i got on tiktok and watched funny videos and it’s like i would snap back into reality so your advice is really helpful thank u sm
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joshuadrennen
- Date posted
- 21w
struggling with harm OCD
i’m back in a cycle of having harm related OCD thoughts and feelings and urges and i get these episodes where it’s like i’m disassociating and feel like i’m about to snap and go crazy violent. does anyone else experience this? i need help
Medicine2021_
- Date posted
- 14w
Suicidal OCD and harm OCD
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
beloiter
- Date posted
- 13w
how do i survive this?
i want to get this out of the way; i’m not suicidal. i’m a 17 y/o guy whose been living with OCD for what i assume is most of my life despite only getting the diagnoses last year. i’ve been hustling on despite my mental health really consuming my life to moments in time where i question my sanity and self control. it’s the lack of control that really kills me with this disorder. each day i wake up, it’s the same persistent reminders; it’s the same meaningless conversations replaying; it’s the same small rituals that just barely let me breathe before the thoughts return. nothing i do is gonna stop that unbearable monogamy where i have to sit back and let my eyes be peeled open; i don’t know how to live with that. no pill has worked on me, and any response i give the thoughts just make them worse. right now i’m trying to just sit through it and not care. don’t let it effect me emotionally; try not to feel the discomfort. then it starts to manifest into physical pain where i feel the bones of my chest have this pressure—like staples entering them at the rhythm of a heart beat. i’m getting though this, but i’m not enjoying my life when doing so. i don’t know if i have a future where it isn’t just this repeating through the process of each day. i don’t want to spend the rest of my life avoiding the one thing i’m supposed to have control over. i also don’t want to drown my days in self medicating or get addicted doing so—like i already am. i don’t see the way to make this life of mine work, especially given how much i don’t have to do deal with at my age. of course that will come to. look, i’m not at risk; i really don’t want in anyway to die despite being basically hopeless. i’m numb to the pain of it, i don’t feel anything in my desire to escape these cycles, i just need an out. i’m not seeing a way to move forward. i’m willing to hear anything.
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