Feeling so down.

Consider this for a moment. We often think we see with our eyes, but in reality, our eyes merely transmit signals to the brain, which then creates the images we perceive. The same process applies to hearing, tasting, touching, and smelling—our brain constructs our perception of reality. This brain also understands your values and the true essence of who you are. In OCD, I believe there's a malfunction in the mechanism that recycles memories. Its primary role is to clear out old memory spaces for reuse. If it encounters a memory linked to something important to you, it brings it to your attention to see if you'll react. If you do, it retains the memory; if not, it's discarded as irrelevant. For someone with OCD, ignoring these thoughts is challenging. They often dwell on them, signaling the brain to keep them and attempt to resolve whether they're significant by creating false scenarios or memories. This process occurs while the person experiences intense emotional reactions because these thoughts clash with their values, leading to feelings of rejection and distress. The awareness that they might be responsible for these unwanted thoughts exacerbates the situation, resulting in a cycle of agony. After many cycles, the person becomes exhausted from anxiety and emotional turmoil. However, the brain is genuinely trying to help by clearing memory space and resolving ethical or moral dilemmas. The key is understanding that your true self remains intact. You are defined by your negative emotions toward these intrusive memories, not the memories themselves. Hang in there; trust me, things will get better. Apologies for the lengthy post—I wanted to explain it thoroughly, and I might share this response with others who could benefit from it.

I hope this helps… the brain does not know the difference between something you vividly imagine and something you actually experience. In other words, whatever you focus on, you’re going to feel whether it’s real or not. With OCD, it feels like your whole focus and energy has been hijacked by one distressing, but meaningless thought or series of thoughts related to the same theme. For you, it sounds like it’s especially difficult because you’re feeling down, which means there is likely some self judgement and harsh criticism towards yourself. If you’re not seeing a therapist, I highly encourage you to. Also know you are never alone and there’s always a way out, even if you may not see it. In the meantime, I would strongly suggest being kind to yourself. This means taking it slow, and gently refocusing (even a little) on something you enjoy that will keep your mind and emotions engaged. The thoughts and feelings will of course linger in the background (or foreground) but you can’t wish them away, so let them sit. It’s ok to have the thoughts, feelings and sensations, and you need to let yourself know that you’ll find a way through this. Go easy on yourself, take it slow, and gently challenge yourself to do just one small thing differently that will begin to put you back in charge. But please if you are not seeing a therapist get help now. I delayed for so long and there’s no need to delay and continue suffering.

this. false memory ocd is such a sneaky beast. i'm actually dealing with something similar right now, where i keep questioning whether i did something embarrassing during a work meeting last week. it's like my brain is determined to convince me that i totally messed up, even though i logically know i didn't. it's exhausting, right? just remember that you're not alone in this (even though it feels like it sometimes). when i'm in the thick of it, i try to remind myself that these thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. it doesn't always work, but sometimes it helps me breathe a little easier. sending you lots of strength and virtual hugs! 🌟