Is this ROCD?? Please any help or tips.

It's especially worse before my period, but i still get this all other weeks. The past few months I've noticed more that i get in waves of not being attracted AT ALL, physically and sexually. Sometimes I'll think my fiance looks cute but then I feel like it quickly goes back to not feeling attracted. I analyze his appearance and face. I check our pictures a lot and sometimes i dont think he looks attractive and other times i think he looks attractive. I compare his personality to others... I keep getting the ick. I feel terrible. I basically have zero libido for sex or masturbating. I'm afraid that he's not the one for me, I feel like I'm getting FOMO. My anxiety gets so high in the morning to where I have break up urges sometimes. At the same time I don't want to lose him and the thought of me not being with him makes me cry.... We're getting married next year and sometimes I feel guilty wearing my ring because im having these thoughts. I feel guilt and question myself every time i think about wedding planning. I question if I love him anymore because of this. I fear I won't find him attractive ever again or in the future. I had a couple days where i had clarity and we talked about our future etc, found him handsome, had intimacy etc, but then like I said it reverts back to the doubting. I keep seeing posts that people who are married 10+ years are still in honeymoon phase, still find eachother massively attractive, have sex all the time. It makes me feel like something is wrong because we're not like that and that I'm supposed to be with someone else in order to feel that. Before we moved in together we had sex 1/2 times a week maybe. Now its like 1/2 a month... And i know part of it is because were familiar with each other/live together etc. But why do i not feel attracted!? My partner is so understanding, sweet and caring even through all of this. Hes so supportive and he's my best friend. I keep asking him for reassurance if he feels loved by me etc and he always says yes. We've been living together for 2 years and been together for 6 total. I keep getting into a depressive state and crying over this over and over and over again. thinking what if we're not supposed to be together, FOMO, if we're compatible, thinking I should just be alone. Its exhausting. And hes always there to hold my hand and comfort me. I got teared up just typing that. Hugging him gives me comfort. I feel like there's a part of me that's suddenly scared to get married, but I want to get married. but it's like suddenly the thought of marriage makes me scared??? But also at the same time i feel like if we were married already i wouldnt be going through this? A few months ago we were looking at houses together, picked out wedding colors, I was traveling for work and was so sad to leave him, and so happy to see him when I got home. I do see a future with him. We talked about kid names in the past. and now I feel like I'm questioning everything in my life for no reason. I HATE feeling this way. I just feel depressed all the time, don't want to do anything, just lay in bed and cry. I hate waking up in the morning. I barely have the motivation at work or just to do my hobbies. I want to be normal again. Anyone been through something similar? Does it get better??? Should I take meds for this?? I'm currently in therapy but I think im going to switch therapists.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 4w ago

I completely hear you and can relate to this. I have the same thoughts all the time. I fluctuate between being attracted to my partner and then getting the ick. Thinking they're amazing and then wondering if I like them at all. Big decisions and big steps freak me out, like how we are planning to move in together soon. Buying a house, getting married, having kids - it terrifies me because it seems so permanent and I might make the wrong choice and regret it. Am I with the right person? Is there someone better out there for me? Do I actually like my partner or is this all OCD just trying to mess up my relationship? I can totally relate. I just started therapy, so I'm hoping it gets better for both of us. I'm glad your partner is so supportive and loving throughout this, though. It sounds like he really loves you and cares about you.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 4w ago

It's frustrating because we have talked about the future a lot in the past. Like during a moment of clarity i literally remember going to bed and being like omg I'm so glad i got over that. but then I keep going back to doubting and I go back and forth to finding him attractive or not finding him attractive. It bothers me every day. Then I question compatibility, if our personalities align, etc. Lately I've been crying a lot about it. thinking I'm better off alone or if i should be with someone else. But mostly i think im better off alone.. But yes he is very supportive and has always said he will fight for us

Username: Billie Ray is the dogBillie Ray i...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8d ago

@Anonymous Yes, OCD loves to make us doubt our decisions, from the small everyday ones to the bigger life decisions. Remember that a major part of recovery is learning to live with uncertainty, like maybe you are with the wrong person, made the wrong choice, etc. but you can still live your life and handle whatever feelings come up

Username: I’m BatmanI’m Batman

Date posted: 4w ago

Howdy and welcome ! Does your therapist specialize in ocd and do ERP? If not then I would find one that does. I went to a normal therapist that did not specialize in ocd for about 4 or 6 months and it made me worse. The first two weeks with a therapist here at Nocd, I showed more improvement than any in that 4 months. As far as meds, they can help. Typically a high dose of an SSRI or SNRI can be used in line with ERP therapy. The meds will take the edge off the OCD but the ERP is what helps you recover. As far as reassurance, stop. Stop asking for it and tell your boo to stop giving it to you. You can ask once for assurance … but after the 3 or 4 time asking If you love each other enough , you are in reassurance territory. Reassurance seeking is a compulsion and compulsions feed ocd. The more you feed ocd the worse it gets. Get used to living with uncertainty. Uncertainty starves ocd. The more we starve it the better we get. It’s uncomfortable at first. And it sucks and you will hate it. But for most folks the more you do it the more easy it gets. Typically ERP for ROCD looks like this. There is no such thing as “the one” think of all the folks that have a partner that passes away early. If there was only one person for each person then those people would be hosed. The FOMO? Absolutely you might be missing out. You might also not be missing out. No one has a crystal ball that can tell you. And if they do then can you get me the Super Bowl scores so we can go to Vegas and place a bet. 😁You have to live your life for today. You don’t live in 5 years from now when you might regret or might not regret your choice you made today. The breakup urge? It sucks. You know what will always follow you into any relationship you value ? That same urge. OCD attacks the things you value the most. Which means you probably really value your relationship with this current fella . If you do decide to break up though, don’t do it to feed the ocd thinking it will be satisfied. It won’t. While you are alone it will simply attack you for being alone and making a wrong choice. Then you find a new partner and the cycle starts all over again. So we kick ocds ass now and then once we are In recovery then maybe revisit the situation. As far as avoiding intimacy and sex, stop. The first time my therapist told me I had to have more sex with my wife , I said dude can you tell her ? She’s not going to believe me when I tell her you told me that. Now what the therapist means is don’t avoid intimacy or sex or cuddles or what ever with your partner. Avoidance is a safety behavior and that feeds ocd. We don’t feed ocd. So if you look at your partner and get that “ick” do the opposite of what ocd tells you. Don’t kiss him? Kiss him more. Don’t hug him? Hug him more. Spend time alone away from him? Tell him to take you out to the movies or a date or whatever.. spend with him. I know it’s hard. I’ve been where you are at now. Some days I’m still there. But for me the more I did this the more ocd starved and I started to recover. Your therapist will help you create a hierarchy of exposures and triggers that start off small and get more tough as you go. And you will learn to accept uncertainty and that you can handle it as you go. Something else that helps is bring your fiancé to a session to have your therapist explain to him what ROCD is and OCD in general. Most folks thinks it’s hand washing and counting and crap. What Hollywood shows it as. Once non ocd people learn what it’s really about it opens up a lot of compassion and understanding. The therapist can also teach them what safety behaviors and compulsions might look like so your fiancé will shut that shit down and hold you accountable 😁 Good luck and you got this !!

Username: Garrett MaguireGarrett Maguire

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29d ago

I have been going through more or less the same issues. Not knowing whether I love my gf or not. I do ERP on it daily now and the fears are greatly reduced. I hope the therapist is treating you with ERP therapy as it really is the gold standard for OCD and the only thing that has ever helped me with obsessions.

Username: Billie Ray is the dogBillie Ray i...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 27d ago

This definitely sounds like Relationship OCD to me - I can relate, as when I was in a relationship recently, I had lots of doubts about whether or not my partner was "the one", if I was really attracted to him or not, etc. Remember that these are all examples of OCD's tricks to try to get you do to compulsions, such as seeking reassurance, checking pictures and bodily sensations, etc. Also remember that OCD loves creating guilt and making you feel like you're a bad person and messing up (trust me, I can relate as I struggle with perfectionism and moral scrupulosity OCD as well!!). I would say having a close relationship with a therapist who supports you in ERP treatment will be key to navigating this situation. In the meantime, try to remember all the BS that OCD is throwing your way and that you can choose how you respond - do you want to give in, or fight back and take back your life from the stupid OCD?!?!?!

Username: Littleduckling

Date posted: 24w ago

ROCD flare up

Hi everyone, I’m new here! I have struggled with OCD on and off for many years and all different flavors (SOOCD, POCD, Pure OCD). I am in a happy relationship of 2.5 years and feel supported and loved by my partner. We have been wanting to move in together and now that we are officially going forward with it, I’m suffering from extreme ROCD, at least I think it is. Out of nowhere I just feel absolute fear around moving in together, thinking that it’s going to ruin my life and our relationship. While he is normally someone who comforts me and I now find him to be a big trigger of mine, as every text and “I love you” now triggers thoughts that he might not be the one or that I am deceiving him. I’m finding it so difficult not to talk to him about it. What I think is my OCD keeps telling me I should not move in with him, break up, and move back home, even though I don’t want that. The hardest part of this is wondering if it’s OCD or my gut. I’m even terrified to post here because I’m worried someone will tell me I should break up with him. I feel so tired and depressed. I’m having trouble doing my job, enjoying things, and eating the past couple days. It’s really just popped up.

Username: FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 18w ago

My life is in tatters and now my ROCD is flaring

Please read, I normally don't beg but I have no relatives I trust to be emotionally vulnerable with, no social circle or friends outside of my relationship so I really need some help. My partner has been my one stable bond since we met. I've had small flare-ups during our relationship over fearing the commitment in the beginning, and for the last 2 or so months since we had a relationship crisis (caused by me) I feel like everything in my brain flipped. My brain is telling me she's ugly, I'm feeling threatened around the time she comes home, I feel hesitant to spend time with her, and my libido is in the dirt as I'm constantly self-monitoring arousal to check if I'm attracted to her or not which ofc skyrockets my insecurity. I struggled for years with compulsive sexual activity before meeting her and it feels like the same part of myself that I was protecting through those activities is the same part of myself lashing out against my partner now. We went to the state fair yesterday, and I don't know if it's my new medication (Bupropion) kicking in or what, but for a while I felt alright. I didn't look at her and feel anxious, I didn't feel any negativity at all. Then when I wake up this morning and she leaves, I'm wracked with the thought that maybe I didn't have a good enough time last night? I don't get reassurance from anyone besides myself and her, I'm not necessarily asking for it here but I feel like I'm truly alone in this and I'm fighting with everything I have to not leave the one person that life without makes me instantly sob when thinking of.

Username: JesusSaves424

Date posted: 18w ago

OCD and new chapters

Kind of a vent, thank you if you read all the way through. It feels like every time a new chapter of my life opens up or is on the horizon, my OCD flares up so bad. I get imposter syndrome, I get the urge to confess, self-sabotage, ruminate, etc. I’m moving in with my boyfriend’s family soon. Me and him are long-distance (14 hours away from each other), and this move means we will be able to get married sooner. I am SO excited! … but I also have ROCD soooo bad. My OCD tries to convince me I’m a liar, I’m an imposter, I don’t deserve him, “what if I cheated on him and can’t remember?”, etc. and it’s miserable it eats me up. It feels like lately I’m having 1 good day and then 3 bad days, over and over again. Me and him just met in person for the first time this year (in June actually) after knowing each other 4 years and being together for 2. I have also had some other life changes, family drama, and now moving on top of all of that, I can’t help but wonder if change *itself* is triggering my OCD. I stayed with my boyfriend and his family for a month, and I loved it! My OCD was bad maybe the first week I was there, and it flared here and there, but I was able to cope and I felt so hopeful. It was really nice being around his family a lot, his siblings and parents are really fun to be around and my OCD is much better when I’m around people. Now, I’ve been home for almost a month, and throughout the past month I’ve been so anxious on and off with OCD flares. I got home, and then the next day my mom went out of state for about 2 weeks and I was home completely alone. Going from always being around people and talking to them, to being home completely alone and sleeping alone, it drove me crazy. I am also thinking of my future and I’m simultaneously excited and terrified. I’m so scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and eventually have children, I want kids so bad, but I’m scared because I have to be off my meds (Clomipramine) during pregnancy. I’m afraid that if I can barely cope *now* while I’m medicated, how the heck will I cope when I’m pregnant and unmedicated for 9 months? It’s just so many thoughts roll in and my OCD and anxiety takes over and I’m so sick of being so overwhelmed all the time. I’m so sick of feeling knots in my stomach for not confessing or ruminating. Please, does anybody relate?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Is this ROCD?? Please any help or tips.

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community