Em2003

Date posted: 33w

Intrusive Curiosity? Anatomy and POCD

**TW for POCD** I know intrusive thoughts can literally be anything but I’ve been dealing with thoughts that feel tied to curiosity, especially about anatomy, and it feels like they’re charged because of the subject matter. I’m not sure if they’re intrusive. For example, I might get a question about prepubescent anatomy or reproductive functions, and it feels like it could be intrusive or at least anxiety-inducing. Usually, I try to handle it by looking up neutral, educational resources like illustrative charts or articles, and that tends to calm the anxiety, and I feel fine. But afterward, I feel lingering guilt, even though I do my best to approach it with a want to learn instead of anxiety. **********TW********** The questions will be something like (these thoughts will pop into my head less formally): How testicles develop from childhood to adulthood? What do they look like before puberty? What does a condition like micropenis look like? (I know this one isn’t POCD related but unfortunately it brought up an image of a baby instead of an adult and triggered me terribly) Are erections something that is possible from birth? Is the vaginal canal fully developed at birth, is it as textured as it is as in adulthood? *********************** I’m unsure if this is part of my OCD, if I’m overanalyzing it, or if it’s something I should manage differently (not look up?). I think there’s a clear place my OCD does attach to and it’s where it tells me that I will look up something harmful or just worse if I looked up these ‘curiosities.’ It also fuels the thoughts that I’m a pervert, though I’ve always been interested in anatomy. It just feels more urgent now and anxiety inducing when it’s about children. I hope that makes sense. I saw a post made by another person on this app who had similar thoughts and I’m leaning towards it being OCD related. Any advice? Thank you in advance :)

Ishtar._

Date posted: 33w

i have similar doubts, but they are a little more disgusting and sometimes they come in a perverted way...and i simply hate having them. i see that every human being, from birth, has a common body. regardless of stereotypes or things like that, sexualized..but that's easier to imagine with adults than with children. like, it keeps going through my head color, size, "space" (genitalia)..it's so unpleasant. i don't know if you can understand me.. sorry if i was too disgusting!

Em2003

Date posted: 33w

@Ishtar._ No, I completely understand. I’m sorry you experience this too. I also unfortunately get that curiosity feeling from taboo situations or topics like let’s say there’s something super controversial on the internet, it’s so hard to fight the urge to find out what everyone is talking about. I guess at that point it’s morbid curiosity but OCD would have a field day calling us disgusting for it.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 28w

@Ishtar._ Girl, do you feel like you almost have to think about it? Like mentally imagine what it would look like?

Ishtar._

Date posted: 28w

@issphra 🫶🏻 yes, like this! :v

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 28w

@Ishtar._ I do too, I don’t know if it’s a deliberate thought or if it just feels like we’re thinking about it on purpose. Do you go to therapy? If you do, have you talked to your therapist about this?

Ishtar._

Date posted: 28w

@issphra 🫶🏻 i do, but i haven't commented yet. you say it as if i have the need to imagine and question the thought in detail?!

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 28w

@Ishtar._ Yes do you feel like you need to imagine those details?

Ishtar._

Date posted: 28w

@issphra 🫶🏻 yeah, like..it's bizarre what i think. it's like it's so perverted and inhumane..idk.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 28w

@Ishtar._ I have the same thoughts girl it’s just OCD

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 27w

@Ishtar._ I know it feels perverted and just overall awful, you’re not alone. I really do experience the same thing. I remember you wanting to connect on another platform, do you still want to?

Ishtar._

Date posted: 27w

@issphra 🫶🏻 yes, if you want! i can pass on my secondary social media, i don't have any photos or videos there, but i have followers and family, if that makes you feel safer..i can even send a photo showing who i am!

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 27w

@Ishtar._ My email is my bio, can you email me and I’ll send you my ig? Last time I commented it, it got blocked lmk plis!

Ishtar._

Date posted: 27w

@issphra 🫶🏻 okay!

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 33w

I’m not a professional, but to me, this sounds like it could be OCD. You mentioned you found a way to lower the anxiety (looking up neutral resources), but that relief sounds like it’s temporary if the guilt kicks in later. Anatomy and the human body are fascinating subjects. If you’re curious about learning more, but you try to negate the shameful thoughts that come up, it sounds like OCD latching on to something you value. If the thoughts are unwanted and cause you distress, that fits the definition of OCD. If you have a therapist, I recommend discussing this.

Em2003

Date posted: 33w

@MichelleV That’s what’s confusing, I’ve always found anatomy fascinating. I can’t tell if this is OCD attaching itself to random curiosities or if it’s OCD causing the curiosities. I really can’t tell. The other day I was curious about how many calories were in my chicken soup and I felt the same panic from OCD when I wanted to look it up. The same guilt afterwards. It’s so strange and confusing.

anonymous2580

Date posted: 25w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

Em2003

Date posted: 25w

Purposely Picturing Taboo Things?

Am I the only one who experiences this, or is it more common than I think? Sometimes, I find myself imagining what a couple’s sex life might look like, or what a person’s body might be like. I think it’s driven by curiosity, and I focus on it for a few seconds. When it comes to family members, teenagers, or anyone I feel uncomfortable imagining in this way, I used to be able to shake it off as an intrusive thought. But lately, I can’t seem to let go of it anymore. I’ve become used to the anxiety, but I’m stuck questioning what this means about me, especially since I’ve taken time to think about it. This is really stressing me out because I feel like a pervert. I’m hoping that this is something more common than I realize and that OCD is just distorting something. I feel like I really need some insight here. Any advice?

💟

Date posted: 17w

kink stuff (sorry this is long)

I was looking up stuff about kinks, because my friend is trying to help me "get out there", and I took the bdsm test to see where I land on it. I got 100% vanilla, and I was a little embarassed so I decided to Google things like "is it normal to not have a lot of kinks" or "what % of the population is into kink" and when I scrolled down a bit, I clicked on one of the little suggestion things with the arrow that said "are men more prone to enjoying kink than women" and it revealed a blurb from the website that said that men are in fact more inclined to kink, but also mentioned that it also means they're more inclined to p*dophellia, which sort of set off all these questions in my head of like "Wait so if p*dophellia is just a kink, does that make it more likely that I have it? Because scientenists still don't know what causes it so what if events in my childhood led up to me having it to some extent" and I started kind of going down this internal rabbit hole of trying to figure out how likely it is that I have it or some form of it bc if it's just a kink and not a mental illness than it feels more feasible? Idk I'm a woman so ik it's not AS common in us but it's still possible. I'm doing a little better with redirecting my attention and cooling my anxiety but I had an onslaught of intrusive images before falling asleep like I used to have when I first started experiencing this fear. It's been really catapulting me back to the beginning and I find that I'm ruminating on when it started and if it really means I'm a p or not. I know it's classic ocd but it's hard when it doesn't feel that way ;-; anyway, I'm too scared to Google bc i know it'll be a form of reassurance but also I'm just scared of having anything related to that in my search history so I just thought I'd post here. Anyone else have conflicting thoughts like this?

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