Feeling Panicked :( please help

**TW** I think my OCD is latching onto this. It feels extremely real and scary. I basically learned about the dark web and a browser name. And now I’m petrified I’m going to get on it and find terrible things. I can’t stop imagining myself do it and I’m scared. I feel like I had already heard and known about it but learning about it this time feels different. Maybe it’s just the OCD. I feel like I’m going to lose control. I wish I would stop learning about these things. I’m so tired :(

nae nae

Date posted: 31w

I opened up to my psychiatrist today about having a similar fear, and she told me that it's very common for people who struggle with OCD to take on these illogical worries. She said she had a client who heard a story about a man who hit someone with his car without noticing while driving, and after hearing that story he adopted this fear and the idea that he might experience a similar scenario, and had to constantly check to make sure he didn't do the same. It's not identical to what you're dealing with, but it's similar in a way. We can have these intrusive thoughts or even urges, but it doesn't mean we'll act on them. I know how you feel, though. It's still a horrible thought to have, especially if it comes with images that enhance the feeling of "this is possible." If you're reading or hearing about these things online, maybe try taking a break from social media for a bit. :)

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 31w

@nae nae Thank you so much :( I feel so anxious and panicked and just terrified. I was actually giving into a reassurance seeking compulsion through ChatGPT. I was asking if these things weren’t easily accessible because I’m terrified of coming across it. Unfortunately, the AI was like nope, you’d have to use specific tools such as *insert name* and I felt the world FREEZE and then I went into a rabbit hole of asking it why it’s legal, what people use it for, and just fear fueled questions. Now I feel so nervous and scared. I haven’t been able to calm down or stop crying. I feel like it’s inevitable and I’ll give in one day. I just feel so scared. Maybe I’m in my head too much, but it feels so real :(( Thank you for commenting, honestly, I always look forward to your comments. They bring me comfort 🤍

nae nae

Date posted: 31w

@issphra 🫶🏻 Of course, I'll always try to comment if I can! 🫂 I just saw this, but I'm so, so sorry that happened to you. I totally understand the feeling like it's inevitable and that you'll give in one day, but the comment below mine is correct. It's just another trick to get us into that cycle of feeling anxious and doing compulsions to feed into the OCD. But, I've been there and know how real it can feel. Knowing that it's OCD doesn't make it any less scary when you're in the thick of it... It's not easy, but we have to try and starve the thoughts by not giving them value. Deep down, you know it's not something you'd do, but the OCD makes it seem like a possibility. Just let the thoughts and feelings pass through and don't engage with them, or try not to. The less attention they're allowed, the sooner they will fade. Our brain keeps sending us these thoughts because it thinks they're important, so we have to let it know they're not!

I’m Batman

Date posted: 31w

Pretty sure this is what my therapist describes as thought-action fusion. You think it there for it’s real and now you have done it and now you are a bad person. All from a thought. Most Likely ocd trying to get fed. Because now you go look for reassurance and ruminate about it. We have to realize a thought is a thought. It feels real because ocd has to make it feel real to get us to do the compulsion. If it did not feel real then we would be like , woh that was weird , now what’s for lunch. But because we have ocd it all feels real and bad feels inducing. But in reality it’s still just a thought. Here is a post that describes thought action fusion a little more in depth. https://psychcentral.com/ocd/ocd-and-thought-action-fusion

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 31w

@I’m Batman Thank you, I realize I go through this same crap (different subjects or themes) every single time I’ve been really stressed and every single time I forget that it’s a literal known thing. I learn and I forget, and it frustrates me so much because it keeps me stuck in a loop. I’m going to have to write these things down. I can’t with this brain. Thank you for the 100th time, I always appreciate your help.

tayanominous

Date posted: 25w

Panic attack and guilty

Im so scared i wish my brain would send me in to derealisation, im 13 years old and my OCD honestly gives me the most disgusting thoughts I can’t take it anymore my head turns everything into a sexual thought and I can’t even look at my own mom anymore because of them they are really and honestly the most messed up thoughts I could ever think of and I’m so scared idk what to do, I’m on Prozac and going to start ERP soon but I’m still so insanely scared I have lost myself, I’m only just been diagnosed with ocd and don’t know everything abt it but just keep on panicking about everything😭😞😢

Lulu~

Date posted: 22w

Shut up and dance with me - Black mirror. Help pls

Hello, so I’m currently spiralling so so so bad and I want someone to help me and tell me what to do rn. I have dyslexia so there might be some misspelling 3 months ago I read a manga that triggered my POCD to start The manga was cute, I enjoyed it tbh, but it had pedophilic themes (idk why I continued on to read it?!) and in the end it got quite sexual. I was sick while reading it so sadly I don't have much memories. Anyways afterwards I read some comments about how this was smth only pedos like. And since then, intense POCD. Stopped eating, isolated nyself, tried to commit multiple of times and called 991 on myself too. I kept on going about and thinking if I wanted smth sexual to happen, I know I thought there would be a time jump. And thought that something sexual might have happened then. But I can't stop doubting myself or thinking "what if I liked it when it started to get sexual" and the memories of such feel so real that I can't ignore them. I've never ever enjoyed CP before, or manga with SA (honestly I don't enjoy smut much overall, but they're pretty common in romance mangas) but if it has sexual themes and the characters look like kids/are kids/a weird age gap ect. I drop it, but idk why I didn't drop this one. Then I realised that I had never been attracted to kids, and this scenario doesnt have to mean that I am a pedophile. I also have ALOT of trauma around pedophilia (CSA survivor, started making CP as a coping mechanism. It ruined my childhood and took loads of cptsd therapy to stop relapsing.) And I didn’t have a spiral for weeks, I did epr fully and thought I had finally figured out a way to ignore the intrusive thoughts. Nope lol, today I was insanely bored and decided to watch black mirror. “Shut up and dance” I knew that there was an episode that I had been warned about being triggering bht naive like I tend to be I watched it. And now I’m deeply spiralling again. I’m so tired T_T

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 19w

I’m freaking out please help

I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.

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Feeling Panicked :( please help

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