I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop

I feel so freaking scared. I know I’ll have an intrusive thought/urge and whatever I know I’m going to fight off another compulsion until I eventually give in bc I’m still so new to this. I am petrified and I feel like I cannot for the life of me relax. I’m sleep deprived, in a terrible place hormonally, withdrawing from meds, and being treated like a burden by people around me. I literally feel like I can’t do this. I keep thinking about those posts where people talk about the hypothetical scenarios where you learn your death date. I feel like if someone told me I’d die soon, I would cry of relief. I would never hurt myself but boy do I not want to experience this anymore.

Username: Aaron BangherAaron Bangher

Date posted: 9d ago

No! You can do this! The world needs people like us! OCD is just a mother fucker that wants to invade our lives. Push yourself slowly. For example, set a rule that for one minute I will not do a ritual. Then move on to two minutes and so on. Start at whatever time frame is good for you, even if it is one second

Username: ivrecivrec

Date posted: 9d ago

@Aaron Bangher True even a delay in preforming a compulsion is a victory.

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 9d ago

@Aaron Bangher Thank you, it means a lot. Truly

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 9d ago

@ivrec Yes, I’m trying to see it that way :)

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 9d ago

Oh, I'm so, so sorry... I've felt very much the same at many points ever since my OCD spiked. People around me were supportive, and still are, but they'd get frustrated with me and have this look in their eye when I'd come to them that oftentimes made me feel worse, because I knew they didn't really understand why it was so difficult for me to just... not focus on those things. And that only makes you feel more alone than you already do. I don't know you personally, but I wish I could be there with you through all of this. I'll try my best on here, though🥹 I agree with the comment above, too! Little steps. You're stronger than you know, and you're doing the best you can. I'm proud of you for hanging in there throughout all of this chaos. If you need to vent or anything, I'm here.

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 9d ago

@nae nae Thank you 🥺❤️ it means so much to me. It’s just so hard at times :( I’m here too, always

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 9d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 I know it's been difficult for you. You seriously deserve a break. I'm really hoping it comes to you soon. 🫂

Username: rebekah_faith07rebekah_faith07

Date posted: 9d ago

Please know that you are NOT a burden. You are so so so sooo loved. Everyone feels that way one time or another, especially those with OCD. If you have time, just try to rest (in a safe, and calm area), as much as you’d like, and that you think would help you. Also, do things you love as much as possible! Have fun!! If you have any close friends with free time, or if you have free time, go spend time together!! Or, just try it, because I know that alone can make it more stressful sometimes (managing social interactions and emotions. Laugh, and live life. There is so much beauty in this life that you have yet to see, because you WILL one day. Breathe in, and breathe out.

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 9d ago

@rebekah_faith07 I don’t have many friends, and my family isn’t always the nicest. I’m trying to hold on as tight as I can and this community is also a reason I still have hope. I’m doing my best :) I’ve been baking and reading more lately and my therapist said that it was progress. Some moments are definitely harder than others.. I’ll keep breathing! Thank you for the reminder. Deep breaths seem to be helping me a bit recently :) Thank you 🤍

Username: Aaron BangherAaron Bangher

Date posted: 7d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 Don’t worry, you have people here who care about

Username: Aaron BangherAaron Bangher

Date posted: 7d ago

You

Username: AnonUser

Date posted: 21w ago

Tired of living in fear and questioning everything

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..

Username: l_stark08

Date posted: 17w ago

Death ocd help

I really don’t know what to do- I’ve been making it so much worse with compulsions, watching death anxiety videos or videos about why I shouldn’t be scared over and over, and getting on the same Reddit forums about death anxiety over and over all day. I’ve never felt this bad in my life and nothing feels real, I feel trapped in my own life and can’t see the way out of this theme, I’m feeling so depressed and I can’t care about anything. The rumination is awful and now I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my own corpse and everyone I know. It feels like my life has been reduced to a single line, like a timeline and I’m slowly moving across the timeline. I contacted the suicide hotline the other day but it didn’t really help, I don’t want to die and I don’t want to kill myself but life feels like it will never be the same and like I’m living in a nightmare.

Username: landonw

Date posted: 16w ago

What’s Going On?

Is this my life now? A loop of fears and panic? Freshman year.. two years ago is when all this started. When I began my journey with this debilitating and scary disorder. For a while I felt like everything was okay. Like things were getting better. But tonight it’s getting so bad. I’m shaking, the thoughts are literally making my body enter fight or flight. The feelings.. the thoughts it all feels so real. It makes me question every aspect of who I am.. Is this forever? Will this be my life? If it is, that sounds like pain.. I constantly check myself.. which ain’t realize might be a compulsion. But I wonder, am I lying to myself? But then again I wouldn’t fear it so much if what I felt was true. I try to stay calm, to not fight the thought but let it pass. But it only grows in power. It’s been giving me these fake feelings. Things in which i’d never felt before. I just want to be okay. And I wonder if that’s even possible anymore. All I know is that I have my family, my Mom, everyone who loves me dearly. Please anyone… I don’t want to beg but if you could give me some motivation or positive words i’d love that.

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I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop

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