- Username
- anonymous345
- Date posted
- 5y ago
When suffering with anxiety and panic attacks the one symptom that was the hardest for me above all the other shit symptoms was that sense of de-realisation or de-personalisation. You completely feel like events are happening around you but you're not part of them. Totally detached. Its absolutely God-awful but to the anonymous poster above listen to me when I say you can and will get better. I'm proof. I used to think I was in a kind of Matrix type reality where nothing was real. But th CBT you'll get there. It's not an instant cure but with time and hard bloody graft you'll pull up.
I know this wasn't directed at me but I really needed to hear it! I'm glad the de-realisation/de-personalization gets better because that is what I am struggling a lot with right now. It's hard for me to determine the things I should be a part of and want to be a part of but I'm getting help soon! The feeling like you're in a Matrix type of reality is 100% what it's like for me, and I'm so glad you successfully received help for it. Gives me hope!
exactly, it really feels like im in a matrix sometimes and i start crying in front of others cause i get so scared of the feeling. thank you for the comment ❤️
I was at a concert one evening. Seated beside two friends. At one stage my friend seated to me right said 'excuse me I'm just gping to the loo'. I let him pass and spent the next ten minutes wondering did he just say that, am I thinking this, is this real etc. It's not pleasant. So Emmaaaa you will get better. Not being flippant I'm proof you can. Keep getting help. If you've a toothache you go to the dentist. Break a bone you go to the hospital. Why should your mental health be different. Seek out a professional and stick at it. I've always said to myself if my damn brain is capable of causing this grief it's also capable of defeating it. Stay strong.
glad you are better now and thank you so much❤️
Thank you so much for giving me hope! That's so true about being able to defeat what your brain can create. Just have to keep that in mind!
After my very first panic attack which kick started my descent into this crap and eventually led to my OCD diagnosis the 3 things that lodged in my mind were 1. I'm going crazy, 2. What's happening here is completely unique to me and 3. I can't be helped. The avoidance behaviour I started to undertake for years to avoid situations that caused me anxiety were extreme and soon became the norm. I really struggled with numerous symptoms but again the de-realisation was by far the worst. But one night I just had a breakdown and finally a mental health professional called to see me as I think my relatives thought I was in a seriously dark place and could potentially do myself harm. That professional sat me down and just said You are NOT going crazy, this is extremely common and you will get better. Just hearing those words was such a relief and it was the start back up the incline. It's not easy, there are dips and maybe stagnation at times but perseverance, treatment and utter determination will reap dividends. All this from someone who became seriously tempted to do some crazy stuff and/or break the law just to see were there going to be consequences as I wasn't sure things were real around me.
You are not alone. This world needs you and this community is here. I am scared too, but the love in this world tells me to fight on. If you cannot feel the love right at this moment, just know that I love you and want you to fight on ❤
thank you so much, knowing that im alone makes it feel less stressful. glad you’re doing better❤️
Is your therapist doing erp with you?
I havent been on here in a while and honestly stuff has been getting worse. I legitimately feel like I'm crazy, but sometimes it comes in waves. For a bit I may be feeling fine and then I get an odd feeling and just feel off and the instrusive thoughts start getting worse. These thoughts are literally eating me alive. I love my parents and I would be devastated if anything happened to them, but I feel like I'm the danger and I hate it. I find myself leaving the house as often as I can and when I come back at night I literally get the worse feelings. They already know about this and I've been seeing a doctor about it, but cant get a psychiatrist appointment until jan 22 ?. At this point I dont even consider it ocd I just think I fucked my brain up with drugs.
I think I’m at a point where I can no longer be helped. My thoughts seem too convincing, I can’t talk to anyone in my life about them. I feel like I’m going to be stuck with this mindset for the rest of life and I’m just going to continue to get crazier. I’m too afraid to interact with people irl because I’m afraid they’ll notice something is up, or that I’ll get thoughts. Almost my whole life is being consumed by these thoughts, I noticed a lot of things that used to keep track of in my day to day life I’ve completely forgot about. I’m worried if I see a therapist I’ll get misdiagnosed and only get worse. Everytime I try to remind myself of old morals my mind tells me that I was only being brainwashed and that I’m trying to brainwash myself again. It feels like I don’t even want to go back to my old life, it feels like I only want to follow these thoughts and see where they lead me and it sucks that I predicted all of this would happen. That my mind would come up with more unwanted stuff and I’d forget about everything I’ve ever cared about and become lost in confusion. I think I’d rather see someone in person than online, but I’m not sure about the therapists in my area or if they’ve ever even seen anything like what I’m going through. I don’t even know if it’s ocd anymore, but I really wish I could get out of this. It feels like I’m getting worse everyday even though I know it’s just all in my head and I need to let it go and focus on real life but I can’t stop worrying about what’s in my mind and what happening to me and what’s going to happen.
I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore. I’ve been going to therapy for OCD for 6 months and I haven’t gotten much better. The only thing that feels better is that I know I have OCD. I feel like I am in a trance or something where I just cannot help myself. Im in some type of loop where I feel like I have no motivation to better myself and improve. I don’t know if I like hanging out with my friends anymore and I don’t know what im supposed to like. This is a living nightmare and the brain fog only makes it worse. I am only getting agitated and angrier and I am just so tired of this sickness.
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