I’ve been ignoring the googling urges I get. They’re the strongest urges I feel. I’ve been distracting myself and going on about my life without considering them or ruminating. All for what? I had to go into a public bathroom to have a panic attack that had been building all day. I’m so sleep deprived, so tired. My sisters say I resemble sadness from Inside Out. I believe them. I feel so drained.
Not all for what! You should still be proud of that progress you made by letting those urges be and going on about life. That takes a lot of strength. I understand if it feels like you've taken a step back, but recovery isn't linear... I'm really sorry to hear that you still haven't been able to get a good night's rest. As for the comment your sisters made... It's a bit of an insensitive comment to make when you're having such a difficult time, but try not to take it to heart. You're doing the best you can right now. :(
@nae nae Girl, I’m so tired :( I’m extremely reserved around my family so if they were able to see how awful I felt by just looking at my face, I’m definitely at a super low point right now. I wish I could catch a break when I’m exhausted like I’ve heard others are able to, but it’s like my brain just goes rampant when I’m tired. Thank you for the encouragement. Your comment means a lot to me as always. I’m really really really hoping that I can actually sleep tonight. I think I’d cry tears of joy. Thank you 🤍🤍🤍
@issphra 🫶🏻 Girl, I hope you can get some sleep tonight too :( I think I remember you said melatonin didn't work for you? Have you tried Valerian root? I heard it has similar effects to melatonin, but if you're taking other medications, you might need to consult your doctor before trying anything... I'm really, really sorry things haven't been going well. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Hoping things turn around soon. 🫂
@nae nae I have some, it didn’t seem to help in the past but I think I’m willing to give it another try, that and magnesium glycinate. I’ll at least consult google rn bc I’m so desperate for proper sleep. Thank you so much 💕
I guess I would say even though you are going through a tough time right now you proved you can handle the panic attack. Try and look at all the crap you have gone through as a victory. You came out the other side.
@ivrec I honestly feel like I’m losing bits of myself with every day that passes. I’m trying to focus on the fact that I’m still surviving. I really appreciate your positivity and support, it helps ❤️🩹
@issphra 🫶🏻 Ok I’m going to tell you something that sounds crazy but I’ve tried it and it did work. When you can’t sleep because of constant thoughts think of 5 random things. Like.. gym shoe, pizza, dog, tree, balloon. Find things that have no connection. Your brain try’s to continually figure things out. You can repeat this as needed. I find my mind draws a blank. I’m sure there are other things on line you can find to trick your mind to chill out. I have also used breath work and soothing meditation music. Remember OCDs intrusive thoughts are the opposite of who you are. They go after what you value.
Just here to validate how difficult it is to ignore the googling urges. That’s been one of my main issues lately too. The fact you were able to ignore the urges is huge and should be celebrated! You will learn to better manage the anxiety that comes with ignoring the urges as time goes on!
@k-123 Thank you :) I’m realizing it’s good progress, so hard to resist but I’m resisting :)
Its exhausting isn't it? I'm assuming ocd googling means you probably have health anxiety and ocd? I do the same thing, shit I just did this bc I heard cured meats can give you seretonin syndrome on SSRIs (before you get anxious I called poison control and everything over this and it cannot so don't be scared!) But it's awful isn't it? When someone so easily says one thing and never thinks about it again but you obsess for hours even days. Just remember it's the ocd bullying and as hard as hell as it is we have to avoid the urges and just accept whatever happens to our bodies (within reason) we have to trust the people around us because if something was truly wrong they'd see it. Im proud of you for fighting the Google urge. It's okay if you slip and fall you can always get back up
I can’t stop crying because I can’t find joy in anything. I’m trying to distract my mind before I have my 15 min, free phone call tomorrow but I just keep crying. I hate this feeling so much, I want to go to my mom and ask for reassurance that I’m okay and I’ll be fine but I don’t want her to ask me what I’ve been thinking lately. I’m afraid it’ll cause me an even bigger panic attack or something. My brain is searching for some type of reassurance that I’ll be okay, but I can’t find it. I keep thinking no one will understand me and that they’ll think I’m crazy. Anyways, I’ll try to sleep.
+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been trying not to post as much on here, but it’s been a rough time facing these thoughts on my own. I’ve been trying to force myself to move on and not take my thoughts so seriously but it’s hard not to sit with them. Basically, to try to cope, I’ve been watching expose videos on internet drama and those who have been “cancelled”. Sometimes, though, it can just get to be too overwhelming as I start comparing myself with the people in these videos and I just want to cry because I’m just so disgusted with myself. I’m starting to question what’s real or not, if I’ve hurt people in the past or not, and separating my thoughts from my actions. I don’t trust myself anymore. I can’t find happiness in anything. I just keep pushing my friends and family away because every little thing triggers me. Sleep is the only time that I can find peace. Because then, I know that I’m not hurting anyone—including myself.
They’re getting more intense.. My mind wonders if what i’m feeling is really OCD.. what if it’s not and i’m in denial? Why is my life like this, a constant loop of fears and stress holding me back. I just want to live. To be the kind boy everyone knows. To make and be a difference. There’s sometimes I wish I could stay asleep.. to rest for a while. To hibernate all these feelings away. But I know that’s not how it works. Each tear I shed is a reminder of the hell I live every day when I open my eyes. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know why I am anymore. Please someone.. advice, words of positivity, something.. I feel so alone. I’m scared. I don’t know where else to go.
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