I’ve been in the bathroom all day, vent

Something I haven’t shared on here is that when I get anxious and my OCD is really bad, I end up spending a lot of time in the bathroom. My family isn’t supportive when it comes to mental health, and I don’t have any privacy at home. So, when I realize my butt is numb for the I don’t even know how many times today, I know I’m not doing okay. :( All my panic attacks happen in the bathroom. Even when I’m out shopping or doing something, I run to the bathroom. It’s like I have an emotional support toilet instead of a support system. I’m crying, feeling so anxious, and I can’t stop doing compulsions that I thought I had gotten past more than a month ago. My streaks are broken, and I feel broken. I want to get out of this bathroom, be normal, and be productive, but I just can’t. I can’t stop crying, and I can’t even breathe properly. I didn’t even realize what time it is, the day is nearly over and I’m still in here :(

Brainygirl

Date posted: 21w

So sorry you are going this! Praying for you sister!

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 21w

@Brainygirl Thank you 🤍🫂

[Deleted]

Date posted: 21w

Comment deleted by user

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 21w

@Enthusiast I do share a room so I have to suppress my panic attacks which makes me even worse so my options are bathroom or parent’s closet when they’re not home lol My fluctuations are very hormonal but I’m at the point in my cycle where everything feels impossible even if things were going great last week, I’m sure it’ll pass soon it’s just so sucky how I realize how circular my recovery seems to be if that make sense? Thank you for the comment :) 🩵

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 21w

@Enthusiast Girl, I was trying to reply to your comment on my recent post and I accidentally deleted the whole post 🥲 lmao thank you so much for being so sweet 💗

0CDeez

Date posted: 21w

I'm sorry dude, glad you feel okay sharing here. Sounds pretty 💩y. Were you able to find anything small to get your mind away from the chaos?

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 21w

@0CDeez An audiobook helped me get out of my head just long enough to get back outside, im still very panicky and my mind just spins and spins but I just pray this passes soon enough

Anony1314

Date posted: 21w

I'm so sorry your dealing with this. I'm sorry your family isn't supportive, but you have this community here. I'm here to listen!

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 21w

@Anonymous2122 thank you, it means a lot 🤍 My brain is constantly switching themes and throwing new obsessions at me right now. I’m not sure what it is but I once described it as having Eminem in my head (but with intrusive thoughts and compulsions) lol.. it’s funny but very descriptive of what it feels like inside my brain right now

Anony1314

Date posted: 21w

@issphra 🫶🏻 Oh wow, that's got to be so hard. I deal with POCD and it's so debilitating on me. I struggle a lot, so I understand where you're coming from

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 25w

I don’t know what’s wrong

I can’t stop crying. My thoughts are going insane, they’re so fast I can’t keep up. I want to tell everyone around me what’s happening (my family doesn’t even know about my OCD). I can’t seem to resist compulsions today. I’m freaking out. I want to give up. I feel like I’m suffocating in whatever is going on. I feel like I need to go to a hospital. I don’t know how to ask for help. I don’t feel okay. I don’t understand this at all. It feels like I took some random drug. I’m really scared I’m sorry, I am so panicked. It’s embarrassing but I feel so desperate for help right now I feel crazy

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

Uncomfortable :(

This isn't forever, and I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm so uncomfortable in my own body. I can't stop hyperfocusing on every little sensation I experience, especially when I have intrusive thoughts. I can't stop holding my my breath or tensing up when I experience them. I know it's a compulsion, but I genuinely feel so unsettled. The physical sensations of anxiety aren't really there. Like, I'm not nauseous, but I just feel... off. I hate my mind, I hate these thoughts. Like, I wish OCD didn't attack every single thing in my life. I'm feeling really gross right now. I haven't been able to cry in so, so long. It's probably due to my meds, but I miss having that emotional release... Just a mini vent. I've been really struggling against the urges to confess/seek reassurance. One more week until my next psychiatrist appointment, but I'm just really frustrated with my brain right now.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 18w

I can’t stop panicking

I don’t know what crack my hormones are on this week but I’ve had like 4 different panic attacks at work today. I sometimes think it’s so silly that I was diagnosed with panic disorder until this starts to happen every 4 weeks. Panic attack followed by panic attacks all day for days. I feel like I’m going insane. I’m scared I’ll get reprimanded for staying in the bathroom for so long but I can’t have a panic attack out there in front of everyone :( I feel so scared ugh

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I’ve been in the bathroom all day, vent

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