Kinks and OCD (I really need help)

My boyfriend has a mommy kink, something I think I have genuinely come to enjoy after being with him for years. But lately, I’ve been scared that maybe I misunderstood it. I worry that I was unknowingly making myself okay with the idea of seeing him as a child during intimacy. I’m not sure if this is part of the kink or if age play is involved. I don’t know. The fear I keep coming back to is that maybe, I misunderstood the dynamic entirely and was participating in something harmful. I worry that I was participating with a pedophilic mindset and that I was/am fully okay with that. I’m scared that I’ve made myself into a pedophile on accident. Can anyone help? Please

Anonymous

Date posted: 18w

Neither a mommy kink or age play are harmful kinks in of themselves. Even if it's turned into age play that does not mean that you're a pedophile. Age play is when two consenting adults act a different age during intimacy (whether that's acting older or younger). It doesn't mean you're actually attracted to that age of people as that is still your partner that you're engaging with. If you both are still enjoying what you're doing I suggest going onto bdsm or age play forums and doing some research on the actual kink to get a better inside on it. People are typically very welcoming to people who are just trying to learn. I would also suggest lightly bringing up if your boyfriend is actually into age play or not just to see because if he has a mommy kink he also may actually have an age play kink and not be aware of what it is. So no you're not a pedophile you may just have a new kink which is totally fine.

A🌼

Date posted: 18w

@Anonymous Thank you so much for your advice. May I ask something different (kind of related)? A lot of the time when I’m being intimate with my boyfriend, I get thoughts that I usually write off as POCD thoughts, but they feel somewhat enjoyable. I notice it right after it happens, but I’m not sure if maybe I’m confused by the dynamics and the physical and mental pleasure I’m already experiencing. I also know it’s common for OCD to make you feel like you enjoyed a thought, but what’s really freaking me out is that I’m scared I’m taking it too far and that it’s not intrusive when I get thoughts about kids (actual children) during intimacy. I’m scared that I’m enjoying these thoughts or that it feels like I am before I “catch” myself. I don’t know if it feels so real because I’ve possibly developed a new kink and OCD is twisting that into something else, “evidence” that I *would* be the person to enjoy those thoughts. What I’m trying to ask is: do you think the thoughts I feel like I enjoy about kids (that I later worry about) are truly intrusive and separate from any kinks I might have, and is my OCD just trying to connecting them or I’m truly confusing this age play/parent kink thing for pedophilia? The “enjoyment” feels too real. It feels so confusing and it’s worrying me I’m really struggling with this, and I appreciate any thoughts you might have. Thank you again for taking the time to answer me :)

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w

Intrusive thoughts can come up during, or around, sex. So you aren’t alone in that. Do you talk often with your partner about what the kink means to him, or how he sees it? This may help you understand it more. I’ve randomly thought of my family members during sex or intimacy. Which was a struggle at first, to say the least, because it really wasn’t what I was going for, lol. But keep in mind that OCD will twist events, and place a high sense of urgency to understand or find certainty in something that bothers you. How often do you look for certainty over whether or not you’re a pedophile? Do you spend a lot of time ruminating?

A🌼

Date posted: 18w

@MichelleV Hi, thank you for replying :) I’ve talked to my bf about it a couple of times especially yesterday. At first he thought it was just a name calling thing but we realized there might be more to it. Including a bit of age play but neither of us really like how that sounds so we’re trying to navigate it. I was honestly doing okay for a long while and all of a sudden this shows up. I’ve been ruminating for like 3 days straight but it hard to stop it. I get like this before my period. I guess my OCD found something else to latch onto. I’m scared of being a pedophile but I think that’s a normal fear. What I think I’m trying to figure out with my rumination is whether or not I did something pedophilic and now enjoy something pedophilic. I know I am not a pedophile. I’m not attracted to children and there have been times where it feels like I am and that sends me straight into a panic attack so I’m sure that’s just false feelings or whatever. This however feels more plausible if that makes sense, accidentally engaging in something that can be considered pedophilic or doing it for pedophilic reasons instead of the healthy ones that are behind mommy/daddy kinks and age play kinks. Ugh I hope that makes sense I feel like I just kinda rambled

A🌼

Date posted: 18w

@MichelleV And I’m scared that the intrusive thoughts I get during that time (that I feel like I enjoy) are actually mine and I actually do like them and want them bc my ocd seems to reason that bc I might have an age play thing, those thoughts about real kids appeal to me or something

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w

@A🌼 New themes or thoughts can definitely pop up randomly, or seemingly randomly. My OCD can also feel stronger before my period too, which is annoying. OCD will always try to find some kind of logic or possibility, especially over things that could have consequences. But when the thoughts come up, try to sit in them and accept that they’ll come and go. You don’t have to listen to the false alarms OCD throws your way. The more you practice not engaging with your thoughts, the easier they are to tolerate.

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w

Also, have you considered reaching out to an ERP therapist?

anonymous2580

Date posted: 25w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

lemon tears

Date posted: 25w

Anyone suffer from kink related sexual ocd?

(25f have always felt I was hetero) I feel like my experience is uncommon and it makes me feel like the world is crashing down. I used to privately act on a kink that’s extremely uncommon, an involuntary thing people do everyday. It was a kink that was NEVER in the real world. I’d act on it every now and then through erotica or when I was younger, videos…then at some point grew an awareness that this was weird and only stuck to erotica. When people did this involuntary act irl I would be grosses out, annoyed, feel nothing or would have this little thought in the background that “ew germs”. Especially my parents I was often annoyed when they did it. For the past 8 months I’ve continuously have feared what my sexual feelings are towards family, friends and children when they do this act that I used to have a kink towards. I had the thought “well I don’t think I really want this kink in this new relationship” then I thought “wait…am I acknowledging this is a real thing for me? If so what does that say about this kink happening in the real world? Are you attracted to anyone doing the act? What about children? Or mom?!” Especially my mom, I fear what I will feel if she does this involuntary act and that I may at some point give in and feel inappropriate feelings towards her/pleasure myself to her doing the act. It’s so bad that I will mentally create scenarios of her and others doing the kink in the exact sexual ways that turned me on to see if it will arouse me. I worry that being annoyed towards my parents, especially my mom doing this act in the past was because I was in denial and was masking that it actually turned me on. You can’t ever fully get rid of kinks and although I don’t act on this one anymore…I worry and fear that bc I haven’t acted on it, it’s attaching to family, friends and even children in the way of fantasies and that the only reason I feel despair, shame, guilt, disgust and fear is only because of what others would think of me. Not what I actually think. In the beginning I was so filled with disgust, guilt, shame and fear that I ran away from home then admitted myself to a psych ward last summer hoping it would help (plot twist, didn’t.) I’m suicidal, I cry multiple times a day. Every thought I have I don’t trust and worry what they actually mean. Every thought of any kind. My mom and I used to be so so so close. She was my best friend and I avoid her a lot now because I fear I have a sexual disorder and am uncontrollably attracted to her. I miss her much I’m crying while typing this. My mom has only done the involuntary act around me a few times in the past 8 months and each time the arousal was so strong I felt like I was dissociating with how horrible my life has become. The worst part is…the arousal itself feels really good compared to the arousal I get around my bf…except with him I don’t feel extreme anxiety and despair when I’m aroused. I have so many other thoughts too and it makes it so hard to be in the moment and enjoy my bf, family and friends. I feel like a monster…

💟

Date posted: 17w

kink stuff (sorry this is long)

I was looking up stuff about kinks, because my friend is trying to help me "get out there", and I took the bdsm test to see where I land on it. I got 100% vanilla, and I was a little embarassed so I decided to Google things like "is it normal to not have a lot of kinks" or "what % of the population is into kink" and when I scrolled down a bit, I clicked on one of the little suggestion things with the arrow that said "are men more prone to enjoying kink than women" and it revealed a blurb from the website that said that men are in fact more inclined to kink, but also mentioned that it also means they're more inclined to p*dophellia, which sort of set off all these questions in my head of like "Wait so if p*dophellia is just a kink, does that make it more likely that I have it? Because scientenists still don't know what causes it so what if events in my childhood led up to me having it to some extent" and I started kind of going down this internal rabbit hole of trying to figure out how likely it is that I have it or some form of it bc if it's just a kink and not a mental illness than it feels more feasible? Idk I'm a woman so ik it's not AS common in us but it's still possible. I'm doing a little better with redirecting my attention and cooling my anxiety but I had an onslaught of intrusive images before falling asleep like I used to have when I first started experiencing this fear. It's been really catapulting me back to the beginning and I find that I'm ruminating on when it started and if it really means I'm a p or not. I know it's classic ocd but it's hard when it doesn't feel that way ;-; anyway, I'm too scared to Google bc i know it'll be a form of reassurance but also I'm just scared of having anything related to that in my search history so I just thought I'd post here. Anyone else have conflicting thoughts like this?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Kinks and OCD (I really need help)

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community