Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

As a anime watcher myself, you have to realize that they are animated and anime has a long history of giving characters that look like they could be 15 years old but they’re actually like 250 or something and vice versa. Anime age is very misconstrued and that is just the culture it comes from. In reality you haven’t done anything wrong. And because of your age group your sexual hormones are skyrocketing right now, it’s a chemical in your brain. you quite literally can’t control how your body feels or reacts! I’m not an expert on how you should handle it, but if you feel you are out of hand then I would schedule days where you force yourself to not do anything at all. Start small then gradually increase the days till you feel you are at a normal level.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Ik it's just hard forgiving myself

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

@Anonymous Ik , it’s ok. I understand to an extent of what you’re going through, I found stuff way too young as well and thought I was a disgusting person for it. I ended up coping through just pure logic, but I understand that most people can’t do that. I hope that you can learn to forgive yourself in a healthy way.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

@CalicoOCDhelp I'll try it was from series I love too feels weird watching it now also it's just my thoughts sprial I feel like I have to know how it happened or what my intentions were yk

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

Feeling like you have to know unanswerable questions is a huge part of having OCD. Especially if you’re experiencing false memory OCD. Where either a real memory is very construed and unexplainable or you conjured a false memory altogether. The biggest thing about getting through this process and learning how to cope is understanding that all the questions and thoughts you keep having towards this experience, are not able to be answered because the memory or memories are unattainable. The how‘s and why’s don’t matter anymore . It can be very hard to let go of the guilt it brings. Not to freak you out but it took me a year to be able to do this. You will get through this in your own time. You can do it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

But you get what I'm trying to say though right it's just me I have so much regret like when I told you I seen weird things I seen weird things like for instance unfortunately bestiality but the thing is I think I acted on it and that's what I'm disgusted by I don't know what to do I guess it's just cuz my morality now it's just like what the heck was that me and to be honest it's just like I don't really think about it back then until now or until recently and now I'm thinking about the all these other things it's just I feel like I need to be held accountable I don't know I feel like a terrible person I feel like a weird person I just feel like disgusted towards myself sometimes like I don't know I just feel like I have no purpose to live better anymore I feel like I don't deserve to

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

It's like I don't know how to cope and like I said it's like I feel weirded out watching my favorite series because I guess it involved those characters but also it's just like man I don't know what to do I feel I just feel lost I just need help

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

@Anonymous Yes I understand. I’m so sorry. I’ve been suicidal and feel like I don’t deserve to live before as well.And some days I still feel like that. Wish I could tell you something that would lessen the guilt.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

@CalicoOCDhelp Just talking to you helps because I feel so lonely I just don't want to be anymore

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

@Anonymous You can talk to me anytime. I will listen and not judge. Promise

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

@CalicoOCDhelp Aye I appreciate it ty I hope we can you have any other forms of social media

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

@CalicoOCDhelp I just gotta remind myself it's the past.

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

@Anonymous Snap. Sorry just saw this message, app was glitching out

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

@CalicoOCDhelp Its okay say u have a Instagram account so we can talk

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

@Anonymous I do. But I do have to tell you I’m a girl though. If that makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to talk to me anymore, I’ll understand.

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

I can’t tell you this though. if you are disgusted by yourself and you do feel that guilt that’s how you know you’re actually a good person because a bad person wouldn’t feel anything towards what they did. A friend said that to me once

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

My friend did too it's just I doubt my thoughts doubt myself my OCD makes me believe I like these things idk what to do

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

@Anonymous I understand. I’m still trying to figure my coping stuff out as well. Some days feel like I wake up and just go through the day as fast as I can so I can go back to sleep, cause it’s the only thing that keeps my brain clear.

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

The anxiety is overwhelming

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

I gotta remember it's the past and move on but it's easier said than done

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

@Anonymous No, for sure. It’s definitely not easy, but your talking about it so your doing something right. It’s definitely a very hard topic to get over, especially because it’s sexually based but you’re doing it. first step. 👍

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

@CalicoOCDhelp Man I know but idk how to deal with the anxiety I neglect working out focusing on school work it's just a lot yk. Also like a reason I feel terrible is because I think I intentionally think these thoughts idk what to do

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

First I would like to say that you are by no means a bad person, it is very common for people to get introduced to explicit videos, very young and it cause a high sex drive later on. It is to easily accessible and kids are naturally already sexually curious at certain ages from things they have already seen on t.v. It is normal. I think the best thing I can tell you to do is breathe and look around at people, you won’t be the only one in the crowd that has watched sexual videos. It is very common for many people. You don’t have to be ashamed.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

I saw very weird things I don't remember if I jerked off to it like animated adult videos or anime younger characters I feel so ashamed even last year I acted on animation video I didn't know the character but found out they are underage I seem so much weird things idk if I acted on idk how to cope

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

Ik, I barely can get my school work done on time right now and I literally had to drop my work hours to two days a week because I feel like every customer that comes in and sees me knows I’m a horrible person. Then my anxiety just skyrockets. I’m looking at maybe being medicated, but I don’t wanna be. you’re not intentionally thinking these thoughts though because if you were, you would be hunting for them in real life.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Yeah I talked to people they say to just accept but it's during intimate moments like masterbation that's a action idk how to cope it feels like I thought it

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

Yeah, idk. I’m sorry. That’s a hard thing to get over. Is there anything you can think of that would have like triggered the memories? Caused the whole cycle to start.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Have u had a similar experience

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

Yes, just different. I found explicit videos way too young as well and I felt disgusted with myself for even watching them, but I couldn’t stop. Eventually, the self hate just started to eat me up so much I just stopped completely and haven’t watched another one since. I feel like cops are gonna show up at my door if I even look anything up now.

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

I like can’t process that stuff anymore, which isn’t good either.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Man id give u a hug man I'm just happy I'm not Alone I needed this

Anonymous3914

Date posted: 16w

You are for sure not alone, remember that your ocd isn’t you. You got this. Sometimes the best thing to help is just to talk to somebody about it without them judging you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 18w

Masterbation OCD/real event OCD

I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Real event false memory ruining enjoyment guilt

Hi everyone, I'm struggling with what I think are intrusive thoughts, possibly related to OCD, and I'm hoping someone here might relate. When I was younger, in my early teens, I went through a period where I had a strong interest in pornography. During that time, I encountered hentai involving male characters, related to an anime I enjoyed. One of the characters was someone I even looked up to. I feel incredibly uncomfortable admitting this, but I believe I engaged in sexual activity related to it. Years later, I'm plagued by intrusive thoughts about this. I feel intense self-disgust and shame. It's like this memory has "tainted" my ability to enjoy that anime, and sometimes other things. I'm constantly replaying the situation in my mind, questioning my past actions, and worrying about what it means about me. The anxiety is significantly impacting my life. Does anyone else experience intrusive thoughts focused on past events, particularly those that cause feelings of shame or disgust? How do you cope with the constant replaying and questioning? I'm looking for support and understanding. Thank you for listening.

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Having a erection while simultaneously having bad memories of past actions

Hey guys I'm 17 years old I had experience with OCD I looked trans pornography and femboy stuff I'm straight I didn't jerk off to it I was really only looking at it in the past I have but for some reason I just felt like looking at it and when I did I did experience arousal not only that while I had a boner I simultaneously was thinking of memories and bad actions I had in 4th grade with another boy I myself not a homosexual I was a kid I did something with another boy I regret it I had that thought in my head lingering there in my head but I noticed pre ejaculation and now I feel anxiety because now it feels like I was intrigued by the thought it feels like it is it was probably to the video visual stimulus but it's hard I didn't jerk off to it at all I was really just looking idk what to do it feels like I did experience it to the video but also my thoughts say to the thought idk what to do can someone shed light on this

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community