Was the kisses I gave platonic or romantic?

So one year ago I had told my guy best friend that I'm a lesbian, and I genuinely believed it at the time. Then Valentine's Day came, and I slowly started to realise that I may have a crush on him. I liked him romantically, but I didn't care if we were together or not to be honest, I prioritised us being best friends no matter what. Anyways, we always had this thing where we would kiss each other on the cheek and pretend that we're a couple for fun. During the time I had a crush, were these kisses that I gave him platonic or romantic? I wasn't expecting anything from him, and didn't really know if he had feelings for me or anything but to be honest, yeah sure bummer if he didn't but I didn't really care. Was I using him for my own benefit unintentionally? Was I giving him romantic kisses on the cheek while pretending they were platonic basically? I keep trying to think if I did anything wrong, could anyone help me? And please be brutally honest, I want to hear it as it is

Jesus2di4U (...

Date posted: 15w

Everyone manages guilty feelings in different ways. As one who grew up Catholic, one of my go-to compulsions is to genuflect or make the sign of the Cross when beset with guilty feelings. This has a religious legitimacy and yet is partly irrational because it is compulsive. My theology tells me that I already am forgiven because Jesus died on the Cross. To feel and experience that forgiveness is another story. One central key, I think, within the Christian faith that is transferable to other worldviews, is to show 'grace' to oneself. Christianity makes this easy because it teaches that God truly does forgive us if we place our trust in Jesus' Sacrifice. Furthermore it teaches that God has adopted us, will never abandon us, and loves us with an everlasting love more than any other human could. I think you can have a clear conscience now, especially since you talked through it with your friend in a transparent way, and even more so because he has absolved you of guilt. You need, I think, to find your own source of grace parallel to that which Christianity offers me. ~C

anonymousgg

Date posted: 15w

thank you for your kind words:) But I have a question... Since you're telling me to forgive myself, does that mean I've actually done something wrong? sorry if im asking too many things

Jesus2di4U (...

Date posted: 15w

Tho new to NOCD & the app, it looks to me like a therapist archived, or hid from the community, our conversation (for the good of you, me others). As such, I suspect that it is best I not give you my answers. My answers could help, or they might hinder (you see my own 'doubting' OCD at work here 😉), but I am not among those specially trained to treat OCD. The therapists are. So let us listen to them when they say not to look for reassurance. I know that has been hard for you, but that is the exposure that will set you free as you work at it. You can never go wrong by pouring out your heart to God as you understand Him. That spiritual discipline prevents me from ever feeling like I am 'going it alone.' He is always with me, and I know He cares about what I'm going through and that, with His power, wisdom, and Spirit's working within me, I will overcome. Here are 2 passages you can Google [search]. ~C [ 1 Peter 5:6-7; Matthew 11:28-30; ]

anonymousgg

Date posted: 15w

Thank you<3 I will try my hardest to resist the compulsions

Jesus2di4U (...

Date posted: 15w

That's a tough call. On one hand maybe his understanding was that you had exclusively same-sex attractions & thus might have misconstrued your kisses as platonic. On the other hand, you could only be who you were at the time, given your feelings. Cut yourself some slack. It doesn't sound like you had any malintent. Also, I don't know many people who don't 'selfishly' try to get close to, touch, brush up against, or even hug or kiss on the cheek, people to whom they are attracted. As long as he didn't feel violated, I think you were not in the wrong. But, if it feels unresolved to you, maybe you could approach him to talk about it if you think a good resolution could emerge. However, I don't think you're doing anything wrong if you choose just to let it lie where it stands. How to define or go forward in your relationship with him, though, is a whole nother thing to explore. ~C

anonymousgg

Date posted: 15w

I spoke to him about it and he told me that I've done nothing wrong and that he always felt so comfortable in my presence, but I'm just so scared that maybe I used him without meaning to. That maybe I did something bad without realising it at the time

Jesus2di4U (...

Date posted: 15w

@Connie Byers (BTW, The first reply here on was from Christian C also. I realized my profile was empty so, in between these comments, I posted a photo and username. ~C)

Dalia H.

Date posted: 25w

Internally cheating vs externally innocent?

I have confessed to my partner multiple times about a person who is kind of on the fringes of our social circle who I have a crush on. I told him that I fantasized about this person and scrolled through his social media out of curiosity to learn more about him. My partner reassured me multiple times basically that as long as my actions aren’t physically cheating, I am free to do whatever I want in my own head and fantasize. He said he’s had his own crushes too at his workplace and he fantasized about them. We both agreed that it’s okay. He told me to stop fixating so much on intentions and internal cheating and realize that my physical actions are all that matter. This person happens to be in a Discord server with me, my partner, and like 15 other people. Whenever I speak in the server, I take great care to ignore this person’s messages and ONLY directly reply to other people’s. I take great care to ignore them, not give them any attention, and not give a single hint that I care about them at all. Even the times where they addressed me, I keep my responses to a minimum. However, 2 days ago I met him in person (he ended up coming to an event that we were having). I went to dinner after the event with the group of people that I normally go to dinner with, and the person came along. I don’t know if he was planning on going, but I could tell he felt excluded and I asked him if he was coming with us to dinner. I also sat next to him during a part of the dinner (it was a fast food place and we went with a group of 10 people, all of which I am wayyyy closer to). I was ignoring him for the most part, but at one point I did ask him if he liked this place and I made normal small talk with him. I am worried that I cheated because I admittedly did have certain thoughts like: - I felt excited to sit next to him. - I was hoping I looked good. However, I intentionally didn’t shave my mustache that night because I didn’t want to seem like I was just trying to look good for him. I knew the mustache would make me look worse, and I wanted to prove to myself that I was okay with looking worse and that I wouldn’t try to look good for him. - I did however wear my hair in a way that I often do, but sometimes don’t, and I did do this to look more appealing. I took very very good care to NOT give this person any special attention, to ignore him and talk to other people, but I am worried that sitting next to him intentionally was cheating.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 11w

Stopping telling my friends things

There’s this guy I just worked with who honestly felt like another version of me, someone who I could get along with massively. Everything we’d talk about was the same, our interest, our taste in films and music, it felt amazing to have someone to chat to. I can’t lie he was also physically very much my type, so I do fancy him. I said to my friend that I think I found the love of my life, but the sad thing is he’s taken so I’ll take having a crush dip and suppress the fact I fancy him and she went all serious with me. Started saying “good because that can ruin a friendship, especially with a girlfriend”, and it wasn’t meant to be so deep and now it’s got me massively overthinking. I’ve only known him a very short time but I wanted a friendship to be there yk, we’ll never really see one another every again after the festival but it felt nice to have had such a good friendship, even if I feel like I’m another life he would be the perfect one. Can I not feel like that and still have a friendship? I’m never gonna do anything about it, I currently like someone else and he also has a gf, but can I not joke about it without it being all serious? I’m massively overthinking it

Mitu_001

Date posted: 5w

Hey

Is not really an ocd post.So some weeks ago I started to date a guy who is going to college with me.We met recently and I hold his hand.After..he started to touch me...is a way that I was not really uncomfy(is not something serious).And it bothered me 2 times, but idk if it was intentional or not.I was never in a relationship..We started talking 4 months ago and he told me we can be togheter and get to know eachother over time..I accepted..But now idk if it was a good decision..I mean..when he was actling like that before I was fine with it..now I am not really.When he kisses me I feel weird..maybe even grossed out.I dont understand myself..but the idea is that I told hom before that he can be more affectionate with me.And now I am honestly a bit scared of how he will react if I break up with him.I feel anxious.And when we got togheter I felt like that and I told a friend and she told me is normal because is my first time..What do you think? (Plus...I also like women and idk if I am bi or a lesbian)

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Was the kisses I gave platonic or romantic?

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