Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Having a erection while simultaneously having bad memories of past actions

Hey guys I'm 17 years old I had experience with OCD I looked trans pornography and femboy stuff I'm straight I didn't jerk off to it I was really only looking at it in the past I have but for some reason I just felt like looking at it and when I did I did experience arousal not only that while I had a boner I simultaneously was thinking of memories and bad actions I had in 4th grade with another boy I myself not a homosexual I was a kid I did something with another boy I regret it I had that thought in my head lingering there in my head but I noticed pre ejaculation and now I feel anxiety because now it feels like I was intrigued by the thought it feels like it is it was probably to the video visual stimulus but it's hard I didn't jerk off to it at all I was really just looking idk what to do it feels like I did experience it to the video but also my thoughts say to the thought idk what to do can someone shed light on this

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 13w

It sounds like groinal response, a normal part of OCD. Don’t over think it. Don’t try to figure it out or label it as bad or anything. Just let it be and move forward.

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Yeah but I was really just looking at it I have acted on looking transgender pornography in the past it's hard because also the thoughts

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

How can I call it groinal response is it more visual stimulus

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous Groinal response is not about the stimulus. It’s just about the groinal response to whatever the trigger/stimulus may be

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 13w

I talk about groinal response on my Insta @tabootracie Hang in there, it’s totally not a big deal!

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

I have a question when ur mind thinks a intrusive thought is it possible for the thought to occupy ur mind and it can be there for long moment because that's what ur mind is focused on feels like I intensely was thinking it I don't know what to do I feel like a monster

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous Don’t judge the thought as “bad” don’t judge yourself as a “monster” just let the intrusive thought be there and go on with your day, turning your focus to other things, with the intrusive thought in the background. Eventually you will find yourself thinking of other things.

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

@NOCD Therapist - Tracie I. Yeah but it feels like I myself chose that thought you know what I mean it's very hard to gauge

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous We don’t choose our thoughts.

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous We don’t control our thoughts, we are not responsible for our thoughts at all

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

@NOCD Therapist - Tracie I. Yeah I'm always like why am I thinking that stuff like that it's so awful I feel like I'm going insane

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

@NOCD Therapist - Tracie I. It feels like I choose to think it

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous OCD makes us “feel” like things are real and things are our fault. OCD is a liar and we are not to blame. I highly recommend The Self-Compassion With OCD Workbook by Kimberly Quinlan. It’s focused on this concept.

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

@NOCD Therapist - Tracie I. What if I think I did idk what to do I feel like a monster

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous Thoughts are just thoughts. Thoughts are not facts. Don’t believe everything you think. 😉

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

@NOCD Therapist - Tracie I. I get that but like while watching porn it's hard it's like u are thinking the thought while getting off ykwim

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous Yes, that’s part of living with OCD. We love with the disturbing thoughts/images/etc while we go through life activities. I talk a lot about living with taboo OCD on my Instagram if you want get some additional tips and examples for how I personally deal with it @tabootracie because I have non-stop taboo harm and/or sexual OCD intrusions and have learned to manage through life just fine with them in the backseat, not the driver’s seat. It is possible. I help people at NOCD all the time get through these same challenges successfully.

Anonymous

Date posted: 12w

@NOCD Therapist - Tracie I. I'm dealing with a lot right now and I don't know what to do like I have a compulsion of looking at pornography and every time I do I always have weird sexual thoughts my mind thinks it's always the same thoughts about my baby cousin who's five and stuff I did as a kid when I was around in fourth grade I did some things with another girl who was a grade lower than me and then also with a boy and now I feel like I pleasured myself to those things and now I don't know what to do I feel like a predatory monster I was a kid when I did those things but anytime I'm trying to masturbate or do anything either my brain thinks of a family member or those experiences I feel so terrible also I've been jerking off to trans porn to I see myself as a straight man but for some reason I just had to urge you to look at it again this ass happened before but now that I did it I have these thoughts I don't know what to do guys please just someone talk to me I'm trying to be as honest as I can I'm trying to confess everything because like I don't know I'm so tired of dealing with this I also have thought saying that I have seen each CP and stuff before I'm currently 17 and one time I was looking at pornography of girls on an app called monkey yet and I was just looking at compilations and videos of girls flashing themselves on there but then I realized they could be minors I feel so messed up and I need funny talking jerking off I always get like associative thoughts like say for instance like the actress in the video has a similar trait to someone I know or is like the same race or has curly hair or has something similar my mind will automatically just think of someone I know in person or someone from back then or just anyone that I know that has those traits but yeah has anyone been in or is in the similar place that I am because right now I'm not feeling that good I am having thoughts of like being a criminal what I'm thinking like to myself sometimes I should turn myself in

NOCD Therapi...

Date posted: 11w

@Anonymous You are describing what sounds a lot like the downward spiral of OCD ruminations. My best recommendation is to get some help through ERP therapy. You are not alone.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

@NOCD Therapist - Tracie I. Also when like masterbation I had a thought while looking at like a animation drawing it shows a character in my head It was like yeah there s minor it doesn't matter I had these thoughts while I was doing it but I found out they weren't a minor but still I can't help but think why did I keep going yk??

Anonymous

Date posted: 4w

@NOCD Therapist - Tracie I I need your help I've been going through so much I fell back into p*** addiction and I always have this thought of perfectionism and not only that it's just I feel like I purposely chose these thoughts while doing it and it feels like I'm engaging more with the thoughts and I don't know what to do anymore I feel like a monster cuz I feel like I did choose to think those thoughts I don't know what to do and I need help

Anonymous

Date posted: 4w

@NOCD Therapist - Tracie I Will I think things I don't like all the things I think feel real and I like it I need help

Anonymous

Date posted: 18w

Masterbation OCD/real event OCD

I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that

EndOCD!

Date posted: 16w

I don’t know what to do

I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

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Having a erection while simultaneously having bad memories of past actions

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