I finally had the courage to tell me wife how I’m feeling when she asked me… I told her “I feel very depressed” and all i got in return is “awww I’m sorry” and walked away. Like what the actual fuck?
What to Say to Your Wife When "I'm Sorry" Isn't Enough That's an incredibly difficult experience, and your feelings of anger and hurt are completely valid. It takes immense courage to open up about feeling depressed, especially to your partner, and to be met with such a dismissive response can feel like a punch to the gut. Here are a few ways to approach this, keeping in mind that your feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged: Acknowledge Your Feelings First, allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. It's okay to be angry, sad, frustrated, or confused. Your wife's reaction was hurtful, and it's important to recognize that. Communicate Your Needs Directly When you're ready, consider having another conversation with your wife. It might be helpful to explain how her reaction made you feel, without accusations. You could say something like: * "When I told you I was feeling depressed and you just said 'I'm sorry' and walked away, I felt really hurt and dismissed. It took a lot for me to tell you that, and I was hoping for more of a reaction or for you to stay and talk with me." * "I need you to understand that when I share something so personal and vulnerable, I need you to be present and engaged. Your response made me feel like my feelings weren't important." Explore Her Perspective (Without Excusing Her Behavior) While her reaction was hurtful, it's possible there's something else going on with her. She might have been uncomfortable, unsure how to respond, or even overwhelmed herself. This doesn't excuse her behavior, but it might help you both understand it better. You could ask: * "When I told you I was feeling depressed, what was going through your mind?" * "Were you unsure how to respond, or did you just need a moment?" Seek Professional Help Regardless of your wife's reaction, it's important to address your depression. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space for you to talk through your feelings and develop coping strategies. They can also help you navigate this conversation with your wife if you choose to include her. Set Boundaries It's important to communicate what you need from your partner when you're feeling vulnerable. If you're going to share something so personal again, you might want to set expectations, like, "I'm about to tell you something really important to me, and I need you to just listen and be with me for a few minutes." Remember, your feelings matter and you deserve support. It was very brave of you to be able to come out and express how you were feeling to your partner. I hope this helps!
I’m sorry this was her response! Unfortunately, there’s so many people out there that do not understand what it’s like to suffer with depression nor do they know how or what to say to a person who is suffering with depression please know that you’re not alone and there’s plenty of people out there that would give you more than just “ I’m sorry.”
May I ask you what you expected her or wanted her to say. I've done a DBT IOP and I learned lots of things. One thing my psychiatrist asks me when I say " I felt hurt because you didn't respond to me and I think you hate me, et" is what else can it be? So in this case " why else could your wife have said sorry & walked away?" I learned this dbt ABC thing. A is the activating event - so you told your wife & she responded with... B- all of the beliefs/thoughtsyou have about above C the feelings you feel about above For example: A-my friend didn't call me back. C- sad, worried, angry, upset, unworthy, frustrated, scared ( I use the feelings wheel) B - I'm not important and that's why she didn't call back. I think something happened and they got into a car accident and died My friends so rude not calling me back. I do it a c then b. After I write down all my feelings and thoughts, then I challenge all of them. I go through my cognitive distortions there are 12. For example - she didn't call me back because im not important. I'm not worth her time. She never calls me back. That's mind reading. Overgeneralizating, jumping to conclusions. Truth - I don't really know why she didn't call me back. It is OUTSIDE MY SPHERE OF CONTROL. I'll wait and see. The following words aren't helpful & I highlight them in my journal. Then i challenge them too. Should Ought to Never Always Must Can't For example: you should call me when your running late. Should implies blame and guilt towards the other person. You should've known etc. Well, how would they know until they know? Or "you always do tha". Always implies all the time. Oh, well you didn't do it that one time..ah, not always. Lastly knowing the difference between NEED and WANT. Need isn't what I thought it was. I need food & water. I don't NEED my friend to call me. I WANT my friend to call me. When we say I need you to...that's not really accurate. It's I want you to... When I'm slammed w lots of emotions about something, I journal if possible. Trust me journaling is the best thing ever. I do the ABC, then I put it down fir a while. I want to feel like I'm in my wise mind not emotional lizard brain reactive impulsive mind. So I end this epic tome with the same question. Why else did she react that way?
Yep get this all the time 😞
Told my close friend about how I think I have harm ocd and showed a video describing her experience with it so I wouldn’t have to share mine. Told him how when I see the number 22 I get paranoid that I’ll harm someone, and he gave me advice to go to a psychiatrist then left me on read after we were having a conversation prior. I’m so scared to open up to people about it and now I don’t think I will again.
At this point I think I’m just tired. Took me a massive amount of strength to even type this. I’ve never had it this bad with anxiety depression and OCD. Firstly, how do you guys handle the trauma that comes with OCD. I recently realized Ive traumatized by own mind. I think this contributes to depression. Also, the thoughts frequency have gotten so high. It just literally jams its self in my brain. Before, I had some sort of control (at least a grip) but this days it’s so hard to try to get a grip. The unwanted feelings too? Omg, reactions that I literally can’t stand plagues me. My mind turns almost everything sexual. It’s crazy 🙃 Then the anxietyyyyyy! Wheew. I’m like a walking anxiety attack, my heart is always beating fast and it’s so painful. Working is so hard because I can’t get a grip, I feel so broken and I don’t think anyone can relate to this. I don’t know what I can do to help. Then the pressure in my head (that causes headache sometimes), sometimes I genuinely think I have a tumor! I’m pregnant so that makes it sadder, makes me wonder what kind of mother this beautiful soul is coming out here to meet. I don’t want to be a sad mother, and I cry more when I realize my child can feel what I feel rn in my belly😔. Another thing, the moment I don’t wanna do something, doesn’t even have to be anything bad. That’s when it feels my mind wants to force me to do it. It’s a whole lot and I’m just holding on to Jesus to help me out. At least he’s here so that’s comforting.
I feel like I need to confess everything to my wife. This week it’s gotten me in a lot of trouble, there’s more I feel I need to confess but I know it’ll hurt her. How do I just not!
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