I finally had the courage to tell me wife how I’m feeling when she asked me… I told her “I feel very depressed” and all i got in return is “awww I’m sorry” and walked away. Like what the actual fuck?
What to Say to Your Wife When "I'm Sorry" Isn't Enough That's an incredibly difficult experience, and your feelings of anger and hurt are completely valid. It takes immense courage to open up about feeling depressed, especially to your partner, and to be met with such a dismissive response can feel like a punch to the gut. Here are a few ways to approach this, keeping in mind that your feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged: Acknowledge Your Feelings First, allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. It's okay to be angry, sad, frustrated, or confused. Your wife's reaction was hurtful, and it's important to recognize that. Communicate Your Needs Directly When you're ready, consider having another conversation with your wife. It might be helpful to explain how her reaction made you feel, without accusations. You could say something like: * "When I told you I was feeling depressed and you just said 'I'm sorry' and walked away, I felt really hurt and dismissed. It took a lot for me to tell you that, and I was hoping for more of a reaction or for you to stay and talk with me." * "I need you to understand that when I share something so personal and vulnerable, I need you to be present and engaged. Your response made me feel like my feelings weren't important." Explore Her Perspective (Without Excusing Her Behavior) While her reaction was hurtful, it's possible there's something else going on with her. She might have been uncomfortable, unsure how to respond, or even overwhelmed herself. This doesn't excuse her behavior, but it might help you both understand it better. You could ask: * "When I told you I was feeling depressed, what was going through your mind?" * "Were you unsure how to respond, or did you just need a moment?" Seek Professional Help Regardless of your wife's reaction, it's important to address your depression. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space for you to talk through your feelings and develop coping strategies. They can also help you navigate this conversation with your wife if you choose to include her. Set Boundaries It's important to communicate what you need from your partner when you're feeling vulnerable. If you're going to share something so personal again, you might want to set expectations, like, "I'm about to tell you something really important to me, and I need you to just listen and be with me for a few minutes." Remember, your feelings matter and you deserve support. It was very brave of you to be able to come out and express how you were feeling to your partner. I hope this helps!
I’m sorry this was her response! Unfortunately, there’s so many people out there that do not understand what it’s like to suffer with depression nor do they know how or what to say to a person who is suffering with depression please know that you’re not alone and there’s plenty of people out there that would give you more than just “ I’m sorry.”
May I ask you what you expected her or wanted her to say. I've done a DBT IOP and I learned lots of things. One thing my psychiatrist asks me when I say " I felt hurt because you didn't respond to me and I think you hate me, et" is what else can it be? So in this case " why else could your wife have said sorry & walked away?" I learned this dbt ABC thing. A is the activating event - so you told your wife & she responded with... B- all of the beliefs/thoughtsyou have about above C the feelings you feel about above For example: A-my friend didn't call me back. C- sad, worried, angry, upset, unworthy, frustrated, scared ( I use the feelings wheel) B - I'm not important and that's why she didn't call back. I think something happened and they got into a car accident and died My friends so rude not calling me back. I do it a c then b. After I write down all my feelings and thoughts, then I challenge all of them. I go through my cognitive distortions there are 12. For example - she didn't call me back because im not important. I'm not worth her time. She never calls me back. That's mind reading. Overgeneralizating, jumping to conclusions. Truth - I don't really know why she didn't call me back. It is OUTSIDE MY SPHERE OF CONTROL. I'll wait and see. The following words aren't helpful & I highlight them in my journal. Then i challenge them too. Should Ought to Never Always Must Can't For example: you should call me when your running late. Should implies blame and guilt towards the other person. You should've known etc. Well, how would they know until they know? Or "you always do tha". Always implies all the time. Oh, well you didn't do it that one time..ah, not always. Lastly knowing the difference between NEED and WANT. Need isn't what I thought it was. I need food & water. I don't NEED my friend to call me. I WANT my friend to call me. When we say I need you to...that's not really accurate. It's I want you to... When I'm slammed w lots of emotions about something, I journal if possible. Trust me journaling is the best thing ever. I do the ABC, then I put it down fir a while. I want to feel like I'm in my wise mind not emotional lizard brain reactive impulsive mind. So I end this epic tome with the same question. Why else did she react that way?
Yep get this all the time 😞
Told my close friend about how I think I have harm ocd and showed a video describing her experience with it so I wouldn’t have to share mine. Told him how when I see the number 22 I get paranoid that I’ll harm someone, and he gave me advice to go to a psychiatrist then left me on read after we were having a conversation prior. I’m so scared to open up to people about it and now I don’t think I will again.
Today I had my follow up appointment with my psychologist, I left feeling worse, I loved the psychologist I spoke to last time he was very informed and understanding, this time I got an appointment with someone who he supervises and I feel like she didn't allow me to speak, she didn't allow me to explain my thoughts or feelings, she told me I have to take my medication or she won't be able to continue helping me, which I understand but im terrified of medication I can't get over it, she said if i start the prozac and it doesn't work then I'll have to get on antipsychotics which seems a bit extreme to me considering i have no psychotic symptoms matter of fact she didn't even allow me to explain my symptoms and i feel like there's so many other antidepressants that could work before getting on antipsychotics🙁 this didn't help me at all considering the episode of ocd i just got through was about me becoming psychotic, I just feel let down and misunderstood, I almost felt as if she was mad at me for the buspar not working she said "you didn't really try it you just took it for a week so if you stopped it it's like you gave up on yourself" but it kept me up 2 nights in a row and i couldnt function from the anxiety 😞
I finally found the courage to seek a psychiatrist last week, when I got there I was nervous for obvious reasons and felt a bit guilty. I met the doctor and don’t get me wrong he was very nice and knowledgeable in the bigger scope of mental health. Asked me questions of depression, anxiety, if I see things others don’t etc.. However, while we went through the assessment I did not receive a formal “diagnosis” and seemed as though he came to the determination what I have is general anxiety disorder. I don’t disagree, I know I have anxiety! However, when it came to the point where we were wrapping it up I had a “BUT WAIT” moment. I explained I was a part of an OCD community where I had previously been doing therapy to manage OCD. He asked “well why OCD?” I replied, “I have constant thoughts very repetitive thoughts that follow a theme and they are extremely persistent.” It was then I knew I couldn’t let down the walls and go into depth, as I knew he wouldn’t understand. To validate what I already knew, I said “I have constant fears and worries about my children, myself, and religion. I think about these things all day long. In order to free myself from the feeling I have to say a specific phrase or word in my head.” He said “well yea that’s normal to have worries and fears about your family, your religion” and so forth. The feeling of disappointment is an under statement, this is more than just “anxiety” this is something that I struggle with daily and to have a professional discredit my daily fight was off putting. Not his fault, it demonstrates the lack of knowledge for OCD and treatment many of us have to face. Sorry for the rant, sometimes we just have to advocate for ourselves.. 🌸
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