I feel like I want to be single… ROCD?

Lately I’ve been having moments where I want to be single and explore other possibilities, like new relationships or flings. Sometimes I even feel like I do not want to marry my partner. Those moments honestly scare me. In the last two days alone, I almost broke up with my boyfriend three different times. I love him, and I want to love him without these moments/urges to leave. I’ve been feeling especially numb and distant this past month, and while my OCD has been quieter, my connection to the relationship feels like it’s slipping. I feel like I might be glorifying the idea of being single, like the freedom and exploration seem so idealized. I’ve been looking for posts that sound similar to what I’m going through (yes, I know that’s a compulsion), and I’ve found a few that made me wonder if maybe OCD is more involved in this than I initially thought. I just really don’t understand how. Could it be a mix of my numbness and OCD? Could the urge to explore or the emotional flatness around the relationship be OCD showing up in a different way? One other thing I’ve noticed: whenever my boyfriend is sweet or romantic, I feel this deep guilt or just nothing. Like I cannot say “I love you” back without feeling like I’m lying. It makes me feel like a bad partner. I just want to understand how OCD might be playing a role in all of this.

0CDeez

Date posted: 16d

If I were to guess, it's probably by making you hyper focus in it. Hang in there dude.

Healing Poet

Date posted: 15d

This is ROCD through and through. It seems like you’re going through a back door spike. You wouldn’t be feeling this way if you sincerely didn’t love him and wanted to break up with him. Numbness sucks. But ground into the relationship and him.

I’m Batman

Date posted: 13h

OCD eats compulsions for every meal of the day. And it’s a hungry bastard. Any thing it can interfere with to get you to do compulsions, it will. Things like do they love me enough , do I love them enough. Do we love each other the right way. Are we moving to fast , to slow …. Bla bla. Different ocd themes seem to blend into each other too. You start to notice that ROCD starts to sound more like “ just right” ocd. Is this relationship “just right”. Of course it’s not, and ocd knows that. No relationship is perfect. It’s work. Hard fking work. Been married over 20 years and I still experience some of those “just right” fears. You would think after 20 years you figured it out, but ocd will make you question it. Some things I’ve learned though , ocd can’t wait. So any of those “ I need to figure this shit out right now moments”, wait on them . Few hours , few days … what ever . Just tell your self , yeah maybe I might be better off single , but I’m going to wait a week and revisit that question. I’ve found ocd will give it up and move onto the next meal. Delay the compulsion as the saying goes.

I’m Batman

Date posted: 12h

Oh another thing to keep in mind since you have ADHD. Have you heard of the old saying out of site out of mind ? It’s not just a saying for us , it’s a way of life. You may have noticed that …. Let’s say you have a friend named Jane. And you have not seen Jane for a while. But you don’t really miss Jane that much. Or think about her too much. Next time you see Jane tho , you really realize how much you actually missed her. Pretty common ADHD thing. So if your partner is away for a few days , you might not”feel all them lovey dovys” and that might be normal for us. OCD might take advantage of it and tell us we are a sack of poo…. But it’s still a common ADHD trait. This kind of talks about it but you can google it and find a lot of information on it. Our object permanence does not work like neurotypical folks. https://neurolaunch.com/adhd-not-missing-someone/ . Food for thought always.

Mariabae

Date posted: 15w

i am disconnected rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”

Holliea12

Date posted: 13w

Feelings

Hey everyone, I wanted to come on here today to just share this post because I’ve been struggling with this recently. I just wanna know if this is a common thing in relationship OCD. So last Friday me and my boyfriend had a conversation that was important, and my emotions were high and I got a little emotional about something he said and we had a long talk about it, the conversation went great and afterwards everything was okay. On Saturday I was so excited to see him after work and I was overflowing with feelings of happiness and excitement. Sunday was great and we stayed on FaceTime just enjoying the day together after he went home that morning, and then came Monday. I remember getting a thought like this, “What if I’m losing feelings for him and I’m just leading him on?” And even this thought, “I don’t really feel anything towards him right now, does that mean I fell out of love with him?” And then the anxiety came, I could literally feel myself breaking out in cold sweats and I could feel the pain in my chest after these thoughts crossed my mind. But what bothers me so much about this is on Saturday and Sunday I felt so content and happy with him and I was so happy and I didn’t have any anxiety whatsoever, and then Monday came, and I had those thoughts and I feel almost numb and I can’t feel anything else except the feelings of worry and fear and my anxiety has been at a all-time high and I keep feeling this pain of guilt and hurt in my chest and I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced the same. Because personally one thing I hate is that one day I can be so happy and energetic and then the next day I can feel numb and feel absolutely nothing towards my boyfriend. I’m not sure if this can correlate with my menstrual cycle as well, but I’ve heard that that can also make your relationship OCD worse and cause you to feel differently about your partner. Just wanting to see if anyone has dealt with the same!

MM311

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

relationship ocd?

for me it’s getting to the point where i don’t feel in love with my boyfriend anymore. i’m trying to keep myself from compulsing since my compulsions are all mental. it’s like the thoughts consume my mind every second of every day and i can’t catch a break. it’s like i want to be with him so bad but my brain won’t allow me. any advice?

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I feel like I want to be single… ROCD?

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