Is it possible

@BeingMEwithOCD What if the action you thought you did could put you in deep trouble? See this is the issue I have with the maybe I did maybe I didn’t is the part that if I did, I’d be fired. And the issue with it is I have no memory of this event happening. I feel so stuck and lost. A dream changed my whole perception of who I was. Thank you for your kind response. If you have any suggestions for this scenario, please let me know. I’d really be happy to know how to deal with the what if consequences

@laineynoelle The thing is OCD is never going to pick the easy stuff like maybe I left the milk on the counter maybe I did. It is always going to be high stakes stuff like maybe I killed someone maybe I didnt. At the end of the day it is OCD. I don't want to give you reassurance because that is what the OCD wants :( it is hungry and answering your question about it is just feeding it. All I can say is maybe but maybe not. No amount of thinking about asking online or googling is going to help you. Trying to prepare for the consequences for something that has not happened is OCD. Trust me I have done the same thing and I can tell you it will be okay. Stop planning. Stop goggleing. Unless there is a problem physically in front of you, you need to sit with the discomfort of not knowing the answers even if they are high stakes. I would suggest going to YouTube and looking at some videos of how to sit with uncertainty. <3 you got this.

@BeingMEwithOCD You are right I get that. It’s just my brain wants to analyze material from recently…. It’s like it’s stuck on the week of Memorial Day. I’m worried it’s guilty conscience. But then again I know I wouldn’t hurt my students and how could I have done that 3 weeks ago and not remember it. I see most people dealing with stuff from years ago but this is so recent that I just want to make sure I didn’t have another disorder where you could forget crazy stuff like an inappropriate action with a student

@laineynoelle Nope. It's OCD. You got this <3

@BeingMEwithOCD Thank you for being so kind. If you don’t mind me asking what triggered the thoughts for you as a teacher? For me it was a gross dream that I had 3 weeks ago. Immediately my mind went to what if what if what if even though there’s no memory of it. Was it like that for you? Sorry for asking all of these questions I see you are a conqueror of ocd so I know your insight will help me

@laineynoelle Everything and anything. Took a Tylenol at work and thought I could have dropped one and a kid could have ate it. Once I bumped into some in the hall and thought I pushed them. Once a kid gave me a weird look and I worried I secretly flipped them off without knowing. OCD latches on to anything. There is no rhythm or reason sadly. No way to stop it. All of the times it happend where hell and then with practice they all started to sting less. I listened to my therapist and did what I saw on YouTube of sitting with it and not giving into compulsive behavior like checking my memory to make sure I didn't miss something. Being totally honest it still pops out of the blue to this day but the sting is like a tiny poke rather that a explosion. I have learned to set boundaries with myself like I can only think about xyz for 5 minutes then I need to move on and when it keeps popping up or the need to check comes up I can't do it. No if ands or buts. Even if I am crying my eyes out worrying that someone will die if I don't act I say tell myself no checking no ruminating. I trust myself to know that I will act within my values if someone ever did happen. At the end of the day that is all we can do.

@BeingMEwithOCD Thank you for sharing that with me.

@chris tee lo It’s almost as if I woke up from this dream and just started saying what if this really happened! And that’s the part I have a hard time letting go of. Friday I was enjoying my job and looking forward to time off and Saturday I was a horrible person who was unaware of my actions even though I know it’s not possible to be unaware